Desperately need some advice.

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Hello everyone. I am writing with tears washing my face.What would you guys do if you grew up with someone and he/she is being mentally abused? would you intervene? We grew up together,we both lost our parents before the age of 10.We are like sisters but lately she has been staying away.I became suspicious when I asked her if she wantns us to take the NCLEX exam the same time and she told me that she cannot take it.She has not been studying for the past few weeks and I did not know.When I saw her tonight she broke down and collapsed to the ground.:cry: I am so hurt right now! I am not sure if I can finish doing my review book.When I took her blood pressure it was 175/106 Her pulse rate was 110.My husband told her to stay with us for tonight so she is here with me. What do you guys think?

Chavelle.

P.S she gave up everything in her home country to be here.:(

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Specializes in Med surg, Critical Care, LTC.
Hello everyone. I am writing with tears washing my face.What would you guys do if you grew up with someone and he/she is being mentally abused? would you intervene? We grew up together,we both lost our parents before the age of 10.We are like sisters but lately she has been staying away.I became suspicious when I asked her if she wantns us to take the NCLEX exam the same time and she told me that she cannot take it.She has not been studying for the past few weeks and I did not know.When I saw her tonight she broke down and collapsed to the ground.:cry: I am so hurt right now! I am not sure if I can finish doing my review book.When I took her blood pressure it was 175/106 Her pulse rate was 110.My husband told her to stay with us for tonight so she is here with me. What do you guys think?

Chavelle.

P.S she gave up everything in her home country to be here.:(

Wow, sad story.

I would suggest a visit with a doctor for a physical and perhaps a psych evaluation. Sounds like your friend needs some serious help.

In the mean time, DON'T throw away your education by taking on too much of her problems, you need to be focused now. She is an adult, and needs to maker her own decisions - just see that she gets the information. Perhaps a safe house might be in order.

God Bless to both of you

Blessings

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Thank you for your input.I understand what you are saying and I appreciate it.I wish that I could just block it out of my mind but I can't.She is asking to stay with us until she can find a way out.I definitely won't be able to study with her here,sad and crying.It makes me feel real awful.

Chavelle.

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Specializes in Med surg, Critical Care, LTC.

Do you have a YWCA or such a similar group? Our YWCA has a group called "Aid to Woman Victims of Violence" or AWVV, they will come talk with her, take her to a "safe" house - they will even go to the hospital with her if she needs medical care.

I understand how you feel, she's hurting and you feel that if you study you will be "turning your back on her". If you both fail the test, who is that helping?

Explain to her that you will help as much as you can, but you need study time right now, and THEN GO SOMEWHERE AND STUDY! I don't know her situation, but she may NEED to pass this exam. My husband walked out on me and my two kids my last semester of nursing school. It sucked!! I had to make a choice, finish school to support myself and my two children, or quit.

I almost quit, but I'm so happy I was able to "focus" when it was time to study, then I gave myself time to grieve after studying.

Your NOT turning your back on her, you are doing what's best for YOU!! Not the same thing!!

Good luck

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Specializes in Med surg, Critical Care, LTC.

Basically, the way I see it, you have to CHOOSE to HELP YOURSELF FIRST. By giving her a roof over her head and food - you are doing more than your share. You have to take care of you too. If you can't say "no" to her, then maybe you'll have to take her to the police station, or some other organization that can help her - and then she won't be in your home with you and you can study.

Her problems are not your responsibility, and I dam sure wouldn't fail my exam because of someone elses drama.

You can let her read these posts. She needs to get a grip, appreciate what help your able to give, and the help back by allowing you to study without interruption.

Best of Luck

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She left because I post about her situation,really made her UPSET! What did I say/did that was so wrong?

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Specializes in Med surg, Critical Care, LTC.

You didn't say anything wrong, you gave out no specific information. I suspect she is upset because she learned you wanted to study and she felt "pushed aside". That is HER feelings and HER problem, NOT yours. You did nothing wrong - stop dwelling on it and use your time to study as you were planning.

Keep me posted,

Goodnight

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Thank you.:cry:

Night.

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As a nurse you are a mandatory reporter. I would take care of her physical needs first and if you suspect the abuse you are obligated to call an abuse hot line. You might be wrong in your suspicions, but it is better to report because you could save her life.

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Specializes in ICU.

I'm sorry that she got mad at you for asking for advice. She really shouldn't have. I think that if you can focus on studying that there is nothing wrong with helping her out until she can take the exam and get to work. She is your long time friend after all right? LIke the other poster said there is a lot of help available for abused women (even verbal/mental abuse).

If she left and put herself back into the situation of abuse again, there is nothing that you can do. You tried to help her and she left anyway. Don't beat yourself up over it. Now it's time for you to get back to studying and preparing for your NCLEX. I hope that you can get your mind off of her for a while to do it.

Good luck with your test.

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It's hard to give advice without knowing the whole picture.

I think, for starters, that you do need to focus on passing your own exam. Do not let anything stand in the way of you doing what you need to do for yourself.

However, she is your friend and you, naturally, want to help. Having her in your home for more than a couple of days is probably not advisable. Her presence there might endanger you and your own family, if her abuser gets wind of where she is. This sounds like a case for the authorities to get involved in or perhaps a shelter for victims of abuse. Maybe you can find out the locations of a few of these places and give her the information, even offer to give her a ride there. Or maybe a church could help? Beyond that, I think you should try not to get too involved. I know it can be painful to distance yourself from her but there is a lot going on with her and you are probably too close to her to be the best person to help, except on a very short term basis, as I said above.

I wish everyone involved all the best.

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Specializes in Psychiatric/Mental Health.

Your friend likely left because she suddenly felt like a burden, reading the responses that focus on passing her on to an authority and getting back to what's important for you right now...the NCLEX. While I certainly don't think that you should be pushing studying aside, you can absolutely address the serious issue with a woman you likened to your sister as well.

The reality of this situation is that your friend is in trouble, she is away from her home country, and you were her go to gal. Talk to your friend. While emotional abuse is certainly nothing to cast aside, determining if your friend is in physical danger is indeed the first priority. If this is the case encourage her strongly not to stay with that person and give her options such as the safe houses and church groups that other users have reccommended, but remember that the average abused woman will return to her abuser 7-8 times before leaving for good. If it is reasonable and desirable to you that she stays at your place (this is certainly how best friends often feel), then set a clear boundary about your need to continue studying.

What your friend most likely needs right now is someone to talk to without fear of judgement, she needs to be empowered to figure her own situation out...with your, or someone else she is willing to trust's, assistance. It is imMediatant to remember that she probably feels very ambivalent right now, unsure, and helpless. Validating her experience and feelings (regardless of what they are) is extremely important right now and she needs to know that she has you, or someone, behind her. Try to get ahold of your friend, tell her that you are sorry that you violated her trust (you told people, whether or not they know her it is probably very embarassing), but that you are truly concerned for her given that she is like a sister to you and just wanted to do the best possible thing to try and help. When talking with your frind, try to put yourself in her place. How would you feel about the whole situation? What might you want someone to say to you? What wouldn't you want someone to say?

It's obvious that you are as great friend, your friend is just in a very precarious situation. Do your best and, of course, don't forget that you need to study as well. Helping a friend doesn't have to take up all of your time...she'd probably just be happy to have a conversation, think about her options, and sit near you while you do your work, keeping you company. That's what friends do after all. Take care of yourself in all of this as well, dealing with such serious issues can be incredibly taxing.

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