Depression in final year.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Feb 23, 2012

any ideal life is about passion, strength, intelligence (if the gods allow), and grace. nursing has no particular lock on these or any other virtue or characteristic. sometimes nursing, like life, is just putting.one.foot.in.front.of.the.other.one.day.at.a.time.

whether life will get better after school (after i move, after my divorce, after my kid gets into kindergarten, after the mortgage is paid, after the holidays...) is out is one of those little uncertainties we all must struggle to accept. if i were more religious i'd probably give you a platitude about "let go, let god," but that's not me. somebody said in another thread, "magic 8-ball says, 'not now.'" but i do confess that the "give it over, offer it up" i used to hear from the nuns has a certain comforting utility in times like these. one dang day at a time.

bs are nothing to sneeze at. trust me, nobody will care whether you got as or bs when you are doing your job (one day at a time) as a staff nurse. look around at all the folks who would be thrilled to get one b, and you've got a whole bunch of them! you're almost done, so the academic pressures will be off your neck soon, too.

meanwhile, on a strictly concrete note, can you take a leave from your job? you sound as if you would benefit by a some down time where you don't need to do anything more than once a week take a looooong hot bath, go for a walk, catch a concert or a silly movie, or even go and have a good cry. don't snort, sometimes it's a lot less painful than holding it in.

it will get better.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Feb 23, 2012

Oh, honey......you need SO much more than we can offer you here on an anonymous nursing forum. :hug:

Your pain and confusion are palpable. I haven't been in your exact place, but I have been in one similar to it, and know how very difficult it is to make sense of the world when one's brain chemistry isn't working correctly.

Please, please consider taking a leave of absence so you can invest some quality time in yourself. Believe me, these problems won't go away with just an antidepressant---there's a lot more at play here and it ALL deserves to be addressed and treated properly. If your current psychiatrist doesn't feel qualified to offer you something more helpful, both in the way of meds and therapies, seek someone who can---the right combination may take a while to find, and you need a doctor who's at least interested enough to experiment with different treatment modalities.

Above all, be kind to yourself. Your mental health issues are NOT YOUR FAULT, so please don't blame yourself for your difficulties in school. No one asks for this. No one deserves to feel like you do right now.

Gentle hugs and warm wishes for healing and peace. :kiss

kenocarie · Feb 24, 2012

I've been through the discontinuation syndrome too, last semester, and it was hell. Pure hell. But then I had some time (xmas break) to work on issues that were really at the heart of the depression and issues I had. Now functioning w/o SSRIs, and passing, but have them at the ready if the depression creeps back in. Really, maybe getting back on them just to finish up might be your best bet, however horrible the withdrawls are later. If you can get through school with them, perhaps its not such a bad option. You aren't this depressed person - your post states that you're a strong, intelligent, passionate person that's being clouded by your current mental state.

Another note - please don't sweat the Bs. You are passing. It's almost over. You've made it this far with As. Congratulations. Now release control. You will feel so much better when you do. Trust me, I've been there. When you're getting a job, they're not going to ask you for your grades. Did you get your license? Decent GPA at most? OK. You're fine.

Get through this semester however you can - it's almost over! Then you can address getting things straight.

rant · Feb 24, 2012

if i were more religious i'd probably give you a platitude about "let go, let god," but that's not me. somebody said in another thread, "magic 8-ball says, 'not now.'" but i do confess that the "give it over, offer it up" i used to hear from the nuns has a certain comforting utility in times like these. one dang day at a time.

there is... elegance to this. sometimes, platitudes are in place for a reason. thank you. i am humbled.

bs are nothing to sneeze at. trust me, nobody will care whether you got as or bs when you are doing your job (one day at a time) as a staff nurse. look around at all the folks who would be thrilled to get one b, and you've got a whole bunch of them! you're almost done, so the academic pressures will be off your neck soon, too.

i hear what you are saying. i know it's true. but, i also wanted to do a masters, or perhaps np. my grades have seriously suffered in the year that is most important to these programs, where you need a b average or better in your last year in order to gain admission. and, i know. i have a b average. but, i would have been likely guaranteed admission prior. now -- not so much.

but, i know. whining about something i cannot change. move forward.

meanwhile, on a strictly concrete note, can you take a leave from your job? you sound as if you would benefit by a some down time where you don't need to do anything more than once a week take a looooong hot bath, go for a walk, catch a concert or a silly movie, or even go and have a good cry. don't snort, sometimes it's a lot less painful than holding it in.

gotta pay rent, so no. but, maybe that movie thing would be a good idea. :) thank you. you have been so kind.

your pain and confusion are palpable. i haven't been in your exact place, but i have been in one similar to it, and know how very difficult it is to make sense of the world when one's brain chemistry isn't working correctly.

aw, crap. this made me cry like a child. thank you.

please, please consider taking a leave of absence so you can invest some quality time in yourself. believe me, these problems won't go away with just an antidepressant---there's a lot more at play here and it all deserves to be addressed and treated properly. if your current psychiatrist doesn't feel qualified to offer you something more helpful, both in the way of meds and therapies, seek someone who can---the right combination may take a while to find, and you need a doctor who's at least interested enough to experiment with different treatment modalities.
above all, be kind to yourself. your mental health issues are not your fault, so please don't blame yourself for your difficulties in school. no one asks for this. no one deserves to feel like you do right now.
gentle hugs and warm wishes for healing and peace. :kiss

thank you. truly. i think this advice -- being kind to myself, and grntea's advice about letting go -- i have to do this, or die.

you aren't this depressed person - your post states that you're a strong, intelligent, passionate person that's being clouded by your current mental state. another note - please don't sweat the bs. you are passing. it's almost over. you've made it this far with as. congratulations. now release control. you will feel so much better when you do. trust me, i've been there. when you're getting a job, they're not going to ask you for your grades. did you get your license? decent gpa at most? ok. you're fine.
get through this semester however you can - it's almost over! then you can address getting things straight.

you're right. i wish that i had something better to say, or more profound. but you're simply, truly right.

thank you, all of you. this 'anonymous nursing forum' has given me exactly what i needed: validation, understanding, and the knowledge that it's okay to move forward at a crawl if that's what is going to get me to the end.

NurseLoveJoy88, ASN, RN · Feb 24, 2012

Hang in there! I too battle with depression and mild anxiety. It was exacerbated with nursing school. I was able to maintain my grades and graduate. It will get better and does get better. While in my last year I went to counseling, got on ativan for anxiety and was able to learn to cope with my situation better. Take one day at a time. Take care and God bless.

Scarlettz, BSN, RN · Feb 25, 2012

This must be some sort of last semester syndrome. I am feeling extremely depressed, scared, and incompetent my final semester. Clinical has always been a challenge for me. But, I am also losing motivation for the theory part as well. We made it too far to give up.

I know it's stressful, but take each day one at a time. Know that it will be over in less than 3 short months. Imagine your very last day of school. The feeling of accomplishment. The feeling of not having to wake up at 5 AM for clinical. The feeling of graduating from a nursing program. The feeling of more doors being open to you.

Start to really enjoy what you are learning. Immerse yourself into it. Try not to worry completely on the final grade. Just enjoy the education and the new facts you are obtaining. Make it fun somehow.

Perhaps you can designate one day as a 'you' day.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Feb 25, 2012

on another strictly practical note, i graduated from my undergraduate program with a stellar 2.85 average, because i was working twenty-four hours per week (three shifts of 3:30-12mn, every weekend plus every vacation day) and having entirely too much fun otherwise. not stupid-- had 700+ sats-- just...busy having a life. fast-forward seven years and i found i wanted to go to grad school to fulfill some new goals. i stopped by the local good one and they told me to forget it, that 2.85 was just not gonna cut it. i said to the advisor, "you can't sit there and tell me that i can never go to grad school because i fooled around too much when i was 18, 19, 20, can you?" she allowed as how that would probably not be fair, so to give me a chance she advised me to take a couple of graduate level classes as an unenrolled student (i would have to pay for them, i would get graded, but i wasn't formally admitted to any graduate program).

i did that, aced them, got 700+ gres, and then got admitted to a terrific grad school a year later. by then i was pregnant, but that's another story :smokin: .

point is that you don't need to sweat the undergrad grades now as much as you think. time passes. some years hence, when you have a couple of years of good experience, your head feels better, you go in to the grad school and tell them that waaaaay back in 2012 you were going through a rough patch and your grades dipped, but all is well now. they will probably tell you the same thing they told me. you don't need to borrow trouble, as my grandmother used to say. let the future take care of itself.