dealing with unsupportive family

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I decided to go to nursing school part-time from my 2nd semester on, because I felt the 1st semester has drained me out with all the work load. I took 17 credit hrs as per the school's calendar and I wanted to scale down for my next semester because its way too hard on me to take up such an heavy load again. This change will put me back by a semester or 2 to graduate-this has made my husband mad to his wits end. Being in nursing school has helped me understand my limitations and I have to go with what works best for me. He's totally unsupportive with this plan of mine and I don't know how I can convince him otherwise. Pls help.

Specializes in PeriOp, ICU, PICU, NICU.

It's so sad and difficult when you have an anchor or someone on your back. I support your decision because you knew that the load was too much and made an important decision to go to part-time.

I would approach him and spill your heart to him. Let him know that graduation a semester or 2 late isn't going to kill you. In fact, it may be saving your sanity and health.

Ask him for his support and to honor his marriage by sticking with you through thick and thin, through sickness and in health.............in this case through nursing school-something important for you.

Prayers for him to understand and support you. Best wishes :)

It's so sad and difficult when you have an anchor or someone on your back. I support your decision because you knew that the load was too much and made an important decision to go to part-time.

I would approach him and spill your heart to him. Let him know that graduation a semester or 2 late isn't going to kill you. In fact, it may be saving your sanity and health.

Ask him for his support and to honor his marriage by sticking with you through thick and thin, through sickness and in health.............in this case through nursing school-something important for you.

Prayers for him to understand and support you. Best wishes :)

:yeahthat: I agree with what Jessica said totally. I also want to add that not only could you lose your sanity by the heavy load but you could also risk failing and that would send you back to the beginning all over again. Only you know what you can do. I sort of know what you're dealing with except mine is more geared toward my immediate family. They think it's great I'm wanting to be a nurse, but they don't realize how much is involved in it and how it's entirely different from most other degrees. The have no idea what nursing school entails and they probably will never really know.

Pour your heart out to your husband and keep doing it until he sees where you're coming from. He'll come around. :) Good luck to you and keep up the good work!

Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

Good advice from Jess. Hopefully with time he'll come around.

Nursing school is a family commitment.

Good luck.

I decided to go to nursing school part-time from my 2nd semester on, because I felt the 1st semester has drained me out with all the work load. I took 17 credit hrs as per the school's calendar and I wanted to scale down for my next semester because its way too hard on me to take up such an heavy load again. This change will put me back by a semester or 2 to graduate-this has made my husband mad to his wits end. Being in nursing school has helped me understand my limitations and I have to go with what works best for me. He's totally unsupportive with this plan of mine and I don't know how I can convince him otherwise. Pls help.

I agree with the posters above. You never really know how demanding Nursing school is until you're in the midst of it. You are a smart cookie to know your limitations. That being said, you have to ask why he is unsupportive. Is it due to the financial aspect? If he is carrying the load while you go to school, it also is a demanding burden. Maybe you could find a way to ease the financial burden on him? I'm just guessing here, so I apologize if I'm off base.

Best Wishes

Thank you all for the feedback. Its difficult to know if your doing the right thing or not when the people who know you best are unsupportive. But I'm gonna hang in there and follow my heart. Thank you for the kind words.

Specializes in NICU/L&D, Hospice.

Nursing school is a family commitment.

That would make an EXCELLENT t-shirt!

Didn't he notice what last semester was like for you? Remind him. Tell him it didn't leave enough time for "love" things, and I'm sure he'll begin to understand!:rolleyes:

If he is still unsupportive, ask him what his suggestions are for you to keep with the high pace and give him a few suggestions on what he would have to do for that to happen (all the cleaning, cooking, shopping, bill paying, house painting, dog grooming, kid bathing, birthday card mailings, thank you card mailings, heck...getting the mail, giving you daily massages, making the coffee, phone calls to your mother, no more to calls to his...well, what do you know, he changed his mind...I think it was the mother thing).

Let us know all the details!!!:rotfl:

Bet he caves!

Woogy

Specializes in med/surg, telemetry, IV therapy, mgmt.

Just keep on plugging along at your own pace. Wear an invisible cloak of steel and try to let hubby's anger reflect off that. After all, he agreed it was OK for you to go to school, didn't he? Don't get into arguments with him over this if you can avoid it.

I'm sorry to say this, but while I was in nursing school both times (for my AA and BSN) several of my classmates' marriages went on the rocks. It also seemed to me that every MSN I talked to at conventions (they were presenting their research) ended up in divorce court either during or after getting their degree. Going to school to start in a new profession is a very time consuming and stressful endeavor. I hope your husband will eventually see that. It is the difficult times that bring out people's true nature. Getting "mad to his wits end" doesn't sound good to me. I hope he is not threatening or physically abusing you. I think it makes a big difference when people in our families have no college background because it gives them no base of understanding for what a college student must endure. I sincerely hope your husband's manner toward you improves.

Sounds like you two haven't been married very long.

It also sounds like your husband can't see much past tomorrow.

I've been with my sweetie for almost 30 years and the

best advice I can give you is this:

It just won't matter 30 years from now!!!

It won't matter 20 years from now!!!

I won't matter 10 years from now!!!

And it won't *even* matter 5 years from now.

I got a lot of grief from my sweetie about my pre-reqs taking so much longer than planned until I stood up for myself. I sat him down and **demanded** that he show me some respect. I didn't waste my time or his having arguements with him about it, I just stated that this whole process was to the mutual benefit of our LONG term relationship. If it was going to take extra time to get it done right, then so be it. It just isn't going to make

one bit of difference when we're both retired, so why waste the time and energy fussing over it now? He was one stubborn cuss, but I kept insisting that he treat me right and kept reminding him that it was only a couple of years in what will be a lifetime of being together.

Explain that you'd support him if he was having problems and that you expect and demand the same support from him. You absolutely deserve to have your husband support and back you up because that's what people who love each other do. Remind him of that as often as necessary.

Maria, you can do it. If you need to take the extra time, then

you should go right ahead and take the extra time and do it

right. I know in my heart that you can do it, no matter how

much time it takes. I believe that you know your limits and

you know better than to push yourself over the edge. Don't

let anyone talk you into something you're not comfortable with.

You know better.

Samantha

(and when you're 85, you'll look back and laugh like a fool

over this whole silly fuss)

Specializes in Orthopedics/Med-Surg, LDRP.

Samantha above has great advice too. Down the road, how long it took you to get there won't matter a hill of beans. And he's got to support you in your decision to not KILL yourself taking on more than you can handle. 17 credits is like school suicide. My hats off to you for handling it. I get frazzled with 12 - wow!

And someone else's advice of cutting down so you don't fail - very important. Last fall we started Nursing I with 60 students. When Nursing II started, we had 40. One third had either failed or withdrew because they couldn't handle the intense material/class schedule. One girl even had a mental breakdown and had to be hospitalized in a psych hospital for 3 weeks because of it. Even now in Nursing III, we've got 31 students. Our class has been cut in half.

Good luck sweetie and even if he's not supportive- we are. :)

I've been in school forever. At least it seems like it. From the beginning I put myself on a part-time schedule so I would be able to adequately balance all the balls I've got tossed in the air. My family calls me the professional student and the running joke has been that I'll finish school approximately 6 months before I'm due to collect retirement. But here's the thing: I'm set to graduate in a few months (FINALLY) after being in school since Fall of 99. Friends in similar life situations as I (kids, husband, work etc...) that were in pre-reqs with me along the way and taking huge credit loads are not. They either burned out or failed out quite a while ago.

I agree with samantha......[/i]It also sounds like your husband can't see much past tomorrow.[/i] All the pieces of advice I got on this topic the last couple of days has really helped me keep my head up. He seems to be cooling-off abit but often temporary.The good part is that he is not gonna be home much with his job situation so I think I will have some relief atleast for a while. THANK YOU ALL.

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