Dealing with rude family members

Guest219794 · Oct 13, 2017

politely, professionally, and firmly.

Davey Do · Oct 13, 2017

politely, professionally, and firmly.

Objectively with empathy and understanding.

There are two basic emotions: fear and love. All other emotions stem from those two basic emotions. What you may have subjectively seen as "tied to make the nurse look as she wasn't doing her job", the Daughter probably saw as conveying fear and concern for her loved one.

It's also a matter of attitude. If we go into a situation expecting conflict, believing that others can "make" us feel a certain way, we will get the conflict we're looking for.

All most People want is to be heard and understood, especially in times of emotional stress. Give them empathy and understanding and, in most cases, there will be no need for conflict.

The best to you, QueenRN299!

edmst · Oct 13, 2017

Objectively with empathy and understanding.
There are two basic emotions: fear and love. All other emotions stem from those two basic emotions. What you may have subjectively seen as "tied to make the nurse look as she wasn't doing her job", the Daughter probably saw as conveying fear and concern for her loved one.
It's also a matter of attitude. If we go into a situation expecting conflict, believing that others can "make" us feel a certain way, we will get the conflict we're looking for.
All most People want is to be heard and understood, especially in times of emotional stress. Give them empathy and understanding and, in most cases, there will be no need for conflict.
The best to you, QueenRN299!

This is the type of attitude that is what is hurting nursing. Nurses have to be firm but in a professional manner. Enough with the whole empathy and understanding nonsense (that is for the random family member whom the patient hasn't seen in 10 years, not the patient). The patient refused to eat all of their food. End of story. If the nurse were to force the patient to eat against their wishes, the family wouldn't like it. The patient didn't finish their all their food, the family didn't like it. The tray wasn't immediately whisked away, the family didn't like it. It's a never ending battle. These are the type of family members that wouldn't dare question a physician yet will demean a nurse all day long.

MPKH, BSN, RN · Oct 13, 2017

I usually answer all questions politely and professionally, and refer the family members to our manager and/or the physician for things out of my hand. If it's something I have no control over, I would let them know. I also am firm with rude family members. I do not make exceptions for anyone.

In your case, I'd tell the family that the patient refused to eat, and that you can not force the patient to eat. The patient has the right to refuse any and all treatments. As for the tray, I'd just let them know that food services is in charge of removing the trays, and if they have an issue with that, they can speak to your manager or the food services manager.

Double Dunker · Oct 13, 2017

I would have told the family member the patient indicated she was finished with her meal. She has no food restrictions (or outline what restrictions she did have) so feel free to offer her something.

allnurses Guide · Oct 13, 2017

People who get unhappy about those kinds of things are often upset about something that has nothing to do with those things. They feel out of control, they are anxious, they have been told by Readers Digest for years the importance of "advocating" for a loved one in the hospital and because they feel helpless and don't actually know what to advocate about, tray pick up and blankets and food and all kinds of things that can be minutiae to us become extremely important to them. I strongly disagree with the above poster that being kind, compassionate and therapeutic is hurting nursing. Are there some families that go off the deep end? Of course there are. Are they a majority? Not usually, no. In fact, some very nice families may just happen to be having a moment. Or coping ineffectively.

My rule of thumb (and believe me, I am not perfect at it!) is to try and see past what being said to what isn't. When I let the family know how things work ("Trays are picked up at 8 PM, but if your mother is done, I will be happy to carry it out if you don't want it in here anymore"), sympathize with their concern and let them know they have been heard ("Hmm...it sounds like her appetite is usually better than this from what you are saying, since this is all she wanted to eat. Maybe you could encourage her/bring a favorite from home/give the meds a little time to work...") they calm down. MOST people don't explode out of nowhere. If they have had things go wrong in other areas of the hospital (ie: in the ER) or with another nurse or if they just aren't experienced in how hospitals work, they can be on the edge. Think about how you would want to be treated if your family member was the person in the bed and you were the one losing your ..well....you know. Then do that.

JKL33 · Oct 13, 2017

Today was the last day for me working as a nursing assistant (I start working as an RN in two weeks). I came into contact with a pretty rude family member- she was very demanding and questioning the nurse for every little thing. The family member asked about silly things like why didn't food service pick up her mother's empty lunch tray right away. She tried to make the nurse look as if she wasn't doing her job and wanted to make her feel uncomfortable in front of everyone. This family member threatened to speak to the supervisor about why her mother wasn't being fed; in reality we provided her food but the patient refused to eat all her food.
So I'm asking you guys for advice. I will start working as an RN soon, how do you deal with these kinds of family members?
Thank you!

The secret of the only effective way to deal with this is in Davey's answer above. You decide how others make you feel.

IMO the secret is to shield yourself with kindness and compassion. And have a low threshold for involving management when your patient tries to erode you with petty complaints. I just kindly say, "It sounds like you have some concerns that are beyond my purview. I'd be happy to have my manager come and speak with you about them."

You have to mean it though. Sarcasm won't work. You have to be determined that this is not about you. You take care of the things that you can, as quickly and kindly as you can, and you let the rest go.