Dealing with intimidating people...

[Silverla]

hey everyone,

i was wondering if anyone has any advice for dealing with intoxicated people, wither that person is a pt, pts family member. i work in ltc and i've worked really hard to become more assertive and confident. i grew up with a lot of alcohol and addiction in my family so dealing w intoxicated people is a personal challenge for me. i find my self regressing back into the same coping strategies i used at home, (taking responsibility for the feelings and behavior and perceptions of others, ignoring insults, and working as hard as i can to keep things tranquil). i feel confident dealing with people with challenging behaviours related to psychosis or dementia, or good old fashioned jerky-ness but toss a couple drinks in and i lose all assurance.

is this something i can just learn to deal with, or is this something that maybe i should try to work on in counselling?

any ideas or sharing of personal experience would be really appreciated.:)

[Davey Do]

Silverla;

Admirable action! Seeking advice as not to fall into old roles. It also sounds like you have some really good insight.

I'm sure that there is A LOT of information on the Web. However, the first person that came to mind was Melodie Beatty, author of the classic Codependent No More. She has written others since then. She's a good place to start, to say the least.

Some professionals advise Al Anon and other 12 Step Meetings to those of us who deal with Chemically Dependent/Substance Abusers on a regular basis.

There's also some GREAT 12 Step liturature out there to refer to.

Good luck in your endeavor, Silverla.

Dave

[LoveMyBugs, BSN, CNA, RN]

In my last term of nursing school in order meet the full time FA requirements I took a 1 credit class, called "Dealing with Difficult People" it was in the business section, but I really think that it applies to nursing as well. It was an online course through the community college.

Some of the main points, were focusing on how you respond with your emotions, active listening, using I statements, similar to therapeutic communication.....what I hear you saying is.....and repeat back to them

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

It sounds like you already know the answer. It sounds like you know that the situation you describe is really very hard and painful for you and that you would probably benefit a lot from outside help.

I wish you the best. Maybe you can go through your employer's EAP program if they offer that. It would be no charge. Or maybe talking with a spiritual advisor/priest/pastor/whoever yours might be.

[leslie :-D]

you have much insight into your situation, so you are already ahead of the game.:)

and you probably know, that undoing the yrs of damage, will also take effort, commitment, and more time.

but since you're aware that you tend to regress into old coping patterns, you can also be cognizant of this when dealing with undesirable behaviors...

and alter them accordingly.

tell your therapist what you need to focus on, and as you know...

take it one day at a time.:hug:

leslie

[ktwlpn, LPN]

What kind of LTC do you work in? As leslie said-you have great insight into why you have a problem dealing with that type of person and getting outside help is the way to go. At my facility if a visitor smells of ETOH and is disruptive on the unit we call security and have them taken off the floor. Ditto disruptions without ETOH onboard (read-pure arsholie) It hasn't happened in years but I won't put up with someone carrying on and upsetting the rest of the residents..

[Silverla]

thanks you guys, you are all so kind!

davey_do

i will definitely pick up co-dependent no more. thank you for the recommendation. i probably never would have read it if u hadn't mentioned it, because i really wouldn't like to describe my self as co-dependent, but honestly i am the classic enabler type. i'm sure i will learn a lot from the book.

love my bugs

i'm hoping i will have the opportunity to take a communication course like you did when i'm back in school. but #1 choice is an accelerated bsn program so i don't know if i'll have room. i hope the classes will address issues like these.

kooky korky and leslie

you guys are so right about counseling. i guess i knew i should go but i wasn't keen on it because my life is so good now i didn't want to dig up the past. one of my hopes is to be able to work emerg and i'm passionate about harm reduction but there is no way i will ever be able to do either if i don't address my issues.

ktwlpn

i work in a special care unit in northern canada, and we don't have security. most of the intoxicated people i deal with are family members of palliative residents, which i am understanding about. some of are residents have family that are alcoholics and it is unlikely that they could visit if they were sober. the one i find really challenging are the family that would take their family member out and return them intoxicated after what i suspect were trips to the bank. trust me i fought for social work to get involved with that one!

[Persephone001]

I know this is an old post, but why don't you just call the police? I thought you were speaking about patient in the ER or something along that line. Vistors of the patients that show up intoxicated should be thrown out immediately and if you don't have security then call 911, you have patients to take care of not to mention your own mental health, so kick 'em out!

[Davey Do]

why don't you just call the police? ...Vistors of the patients that show up intoxicated should be thrown out immediately and if you don't have security then call 911, you have patients to take care of not to mention your own mental health, so kick 'em out!

This is a viable option if the intoxicated Individual is inappropriately acting out. However, I believe Silverla was referring to impaired Individuals who push old pain buttons.

For example, an intoxicated Offspring may come into the LTC Facility and start crying and slobbering over their Mom's current status and how much they love dear old Mom. This kind of situation might bring up some memories, in a so-called co-dependent Staff member, of a typical personality change that chemically dependent Individuals often exhibit. This type of an emotional display is perhaps publically inappropriate, yet it does not necessarily warrant Police intervention.

In order to deal with impaired Individuals who openly display their emotions requires a separation from that sort of behavior. A logical systematic approach is usually best. The impaired Individual is appropriately approached, gently confronted, with suggestions and directions given. Suggestions might include visiting at a time when the Offspring doesn't smell of alcohol. (Tip: Never use the subjective word "drunk".)

If the impaired Individual does not respond to the Staff member's directions, then they are informed that they will have to deal with the ramifications of their actions or inactions. The ramifications may include informing the Patient's Doctor of the Offspring's behavior, a restriction of visitation, or even your suggestion, Capricious Blue.

We first want to deal with the situation to the best of our ability before utilizing outside entities. That is, of course, if we feel safe and comfortable in doing so.

Dave

[Persephone001]

"taking responsibility for the feelings and behavior and perceptions of others, ignoring insults, and working as hard as I can to keep things tranquil"

That's good advice DaveyDo, but when the OP wrote the above words they gave me the impression that the people were not exactly behaving "appropriately".

I too come from a family that had issues with drugs and alcohol and it has always amazed me, that as a confidant and assertive adult, once an intoxicated individual comes around I seem to find old emotions flooding back and confusing me.

From my experiance an intoxicated person who is "crying and slobbering" can jump to ****** and confrontational at the drop of a hat and the OP understands this as well. That is why she mentions "taking responsibility for the feelings and behavior and perceptions of others". Like me she knows how quickly these peoples behavios can change from loving to down right mean and she is used to twisting herself into a pretzel to keep things stable.

That is not something she should have had to deal with growing up and it is not something she should have to deal with now. I definately like the advice you gave Davey about how to approach these type of individuals and it can give the OP a sort of script to follow...this way she can distance herself from her old feelings and approach the situation in a professional, step-by-step manner.

I hope the advice on this post is helping you out some OP, your issue brought up a lot of old memories. I am going to keep this advice in the back of my mind as well, because my usual response to these type of situations is to become defensive and to leave, neither of which will help me as a nurse!

[Persephone001]

I apologize, I did not intend for the letter to appear so large and I have not yet figured out how to shrink the font

[Davey Do]

From my experiance an intoxicated person who is "crying and slobbering" can jump to ****** and confrontational at the drop of a hat[/size]

Thank you for clarifying this point, Perserphone. After rereading Silverla's post, and my comment, I realize that I didn't take the interaction to the intimidating portion. And the intimidation was the major area of concern that Silverla expressed.

You need not apologize for your large type post. The font made it easier for an old dude like me to read.

Dave