Dealing with the death of a patient...for the first time

ello7 · Jan 28, 2009

I was working my first nursing job when my first patient died. Thankfully, I worked with a great group of people who are kind and sensitive, so they helped me with talking to the family, as well as helping me. Unfortunately, death eventually just begins to feel like another part of the job, just another task. Some hit you more than others, sticking with you, but you just have to remember death is a natural part of life, like being born.

I also find the best thing you can do for family is just be there. With my first few deaths, I felt kind of uncomfortable, not knowing what to say to them. Give them tissues, listen to stories about the patient, answering questions, etc. If you don't feel comfortable, you don't need to "say" anything to the family, your actions can say a lot.

Also if you have monitors in the room... silence them. There's nothing more startling to family than standing in a quiet room with someone who is passing away, then all of a sudden have a very loud alarm starting to go off.

Chaya, ASN, RN · Jan 28, 2009

I was able to observe/ help with post-mortem care one time before I had to be responsible for doing it myself. I also had the opportunity to be with a more experienced RN when a pt first passed so was able to see her listen to the AP, tell the family the pt had passed, summons the MD to pronounce, fill out PM paperwork, etc. It really helped to have some experience prior to the first time. So if you have an opportunity to help out with PM care, etc, do take it. Your co-worker will appreciate you for it, and it will give you some basics for the future.

diane227, LPN, RN · Feb 2, 2009

I was a student working in the ICU and I found it so facinating when this man died. It appeared that is soul simply left him and he appeared so peaceful.

ritarunningfeet · Feb 2, 2009

I have found that every death and every family is different in their own way. There is no one way that I have found to approch the situation. I have learned that it is ok to get emotional and even shed some tears if need be, because we do get attached to our patients and families, even if only for a short while.

recoveringcory · Feb 2, 2009

Personally, I have no problem with people dying anymore. It really doesn't affect me at all, most of the time. There is an exception, of course, if the person is a kid or very young.

Most of the time when I do get some tears coming is moreso when the family is there grieving...that can be hard sometimes.

For the most part, though, I have become hardened about death, in that I don't get upset when someone else dies. My stance is this: we do everything we can for patients, and if the Good Lord is calling their number, there is absolutely nothing we can do under the sun to bring the person back. In addition, if a person codes, chances are they are going to die. In all reality the person's body has been compensating for awhile, and finally just pooped out, so to bring them back is a pretty huge task.

Well over 90% of codes that come into the ER never make it - I'd even say the high 90s, between 95-97% never make it.

Bottem line in my rationale: People die - it's natural. It happens. We are all going to do it. I'll use everything I have to try and save them, but there is only so much we can do, and after that we did everything we could. After thinking that...No problems!

Cory

rgdavisRN · Feb 2, 2009

As someone who has been a nurse for 10 years, and a clinical instructor for 2, I will tell you what I tell nursing students.

The best way to get more comfortable with the death of patients is to realize that death is a normal result of some diseases. You have not failed as a nurse. Think about how you feel about death and dying. This helps some people.

Also realize, that while some patients will die, there are many things you as the nurse can do to make the patient and the family as comfortable as possible. The patient may need pain medicine, or the patient and family may just need someone to talk to.

Always demonstrate to the patient and their family that you care. Check on them frequently. Ask if there is anything you can do or get for them.

When the patient dies, I have found the simplest thing to say is "I'm so sorry". The family will realize you mean it since you have been there for them throughout the death of the patient.

On a personal note, I still find it sad when patients die. Often I am mostly sad for the family, or the patient if they are a younger person.

melz34 · Feb 8, 2009

every death I have had to expierience has been sad one boy called liam who was on the peadiatric ward I worked on had got pneumonia he was sent to ICU and intubated then when I went up a few days later to see him I found out that he had died friday night at 11.00:cry:

lpnflorida · Feb 11, 2009

30 years and still I get teary when a patient dies. I am able to maintain composure in front of the family most often sometimes the tears are silent when in the room with a patient I was close to .I do what I need to do. Still when alone afterward I shed tears for them all. Sometimes they are tears of joy as I have known that the patient wished for the end to come. Sometimes they are tears of sadness and grief and it was unexpected and the person was young.

I express my condolences to the family as appropriate to the individual situation and how well I know the family.

Sometimes all I have done is put an arm around their shoulder without saying anything just allowing them an ear if they need it.

Worktobeagoodnurse · Aug 23, 2011

I've worked for five months. I'm a night shift nurse. My patient showed signs of dying during shift transfering session, and the patient died during the day shift. This is my first experience with dying patient in my career. I cried, cried, cried alone. I don't know whether I can get better. But I learn from your posts. Thank you all for sharing expriences here. This website is the only place I can think of to releave my sadness.

iamNurse23 · Aug 27, 2011

I participated in the code; however, the pt had coded outside and was alive when I was helping with the code, so when we lost him, It didn't really hit me hard because I never seen him alive. But being around a dead body for the first time is definately a time I won't forget

shaunamarslan · Aug 30, 2011

I have been a working nurse for almost a year now and have dealt with quite a few deaths. I have always worked in SNFs and love the elderly population that make up the majority of my patients. My first death was about 3 weeks into my first job, were I was by myself in my facility except for one CNA. I was more freaked out with having to make sure he was actually dead versus him actually dieing. A year later I have seen quite a few patients pass and although some hit me harder then others I feel most attached to one of my patients who had "behavior problems" that passed today. It was a rocky road gaining her trust and her fiery and strong personality that most of the other nurses on my unit had despised, I had grown to respect and admire. After all, when someone is aware they are dieing it is not always an easy, clear cut process for them to deal with. She was one of the most stubborn, strong willed people I have yet to come accross and I truly thank her for all that she has tested me with and made me a nurse that I am proud to be. Everyone on my shift would always hope that I was working because it seemed to keep her quiet all day. Contrary to their beliefs, I think I was a better nurse because of her and learned how to be patient, understanding, flexible and empathetic. I also learned how to keep my mouth shut and just listen when she needed to talk, be firm and assertive when the situation calls and simply how to hold a hand and make someone feel comfortable when they are legitimately scared. I pray that I helped her final days on earth as peaceful, comfortable and rewarding as I could and even though it is unprofessional to have "favorites" in our profession, she will definitely have a place in my heart. Dealing with the dieing patient is nothing... dealing with the grieving family is the hardest part.