Dating in the O.R???

elcue · Nov 21, 2008

at a previous or job we had 6 married rn & rn/ortech couples who met there, and a 20-year married or nurse couple who came to us during my time there, having spent their entire careers working in the same ors. also, an or tech & surgeon who got together at work and have been together long-term, as well as a long-term couple of 2 or nurses. one rn there married a surgeon there. another rn couple who met & married while working there later divorced and both stayed - that was awful.

i met a couple at a meeting one year - a surgeon who was married when he started fooling around with an or nurse, divorced his wife & married the nurse.

we have a married rn and perfusionist at my current job. they met at a previous job.

i had a years-long relationship with a perfusionist i met at work. i was so heartbroken when we broke up that i moved out of state. i'll never again date anyone from the or.[/color]

GadgetRN71, ASN, RN · Nov 21, 2008

Sounds harsh, but I'd be afraid to marry a surgeon. Not all of them cheat, but many of them do. I could tell you stories that would curl your hair, about surgeons getting caught in delicate situations at work. You just want to smack the nurses who play along with this. Firstly, I have too much respect for myself...I ain't no cheap date! :lol2: And second, most of these guys will cheat on their wives but doesn't mean they're going to leave their wife for you.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Nov 21, 2008

i have yet to understand why two women would want to fight each other over a man who's obviously not interested in being monogamous to anyone. :icon_roll it goes on all the time - in all levels of society and economic strata - and the man stands back and watches them catfight each other over someone that should be kicked to the curb, and he gets a "big head" over being the object of such attentions. the best thing that could come out of this is that the word would be out on him and his shenanigans, and make him about as desirable as a case of mrsa.......:chuckle
imho - if i were to discover that nonsense going on, i'd be walking away, never to be seen in such company again. (but i've been married for 32 years, so that is about as likely as me being elected president!) and what do they get in the end? who "wins"??
besides, when you go waltzing into someone else's home, uninvited, you tend to see things you have no business seeing - and you generally get what you deserve..............

i couldn't figure out why any of those women would want him, either! i mean, come on . . . wouldn't you rather have a man you knew you could count on, who thought you were special? about that time, the guy i was dating told me he wanted to be free to date other people as well.

i told him, "have fun and have a nice life."

"what do you mean? don't i get to date as many people as i want to?"

"sure you do," i told him. "but i'm not going to be one of them."

he moved out on christmas eve, and on boxing day i had my first date with the wonderful (faithful) man who is now my dh!

$fracturenurse$ · Nov 21, 2008

about the same time dh and i started dating, one of the cardiac surgery fellows was dating a pa in the or, 2 icu nurses and a floor nurse all at the same time. it was entertaining for all of the rest of us, watching these three women fall all over themselves to get more of his attention than the next one. ny eve was a train wreck, though. he'd asked the pa out for ny eve, then had a fight with her so he asked one of the icu nurses instead. the other icu nurse got cancelled at the last minute, so she went over to his house where he was in bed with the first icu nurse, walked into the bedroom and started throwing a fit. the next week, the two icu nurses were fighting at work about who did what to whom . . . entertaining but very unprofessional.
personally, i cannot understand why you'd want to be one of four people that someone is dating!

too funny...patients will often ask me if our or is like grey's anatomy...you could have answered, "yes!"

brewerpaul · Nov 22, 2008

On the plus side, those electric tables are very adjustable. Then, there are the Allen stirrups... Just kidding... We have two CRNA's who are married and it doesn't seem to be a problem for them. Also, one tech is married to one of our unit receptionists. Again, no problem Before I went to nursing school I was a podiatrist for almost 30 years. The thought of working with my ex-wife gave me the shudders: we'd always end up bringing home issues into work and vice versa. She wanted to work in the office, but I always refused (I'd seen other podiatrists try it and hate it) Then I met the current love of my life. She worked as my office manager for about 6 years and we loved every minute of it. We were together virtually 24/7 and it never got old, never caused a problem. I guess it boils down to the two individuals involved.

surgnurse1 · Nov 23, 2008

We have a policy that states you can not be in a relationship with a coworker if one of you is a subordinate. It's caused alot of upheaval on occasion..and ALOT of secrecy and rumors. Personally I agree with the former posts, NOT to do it. So before you start zoning in on someone...make sure it's ok! Our former OR Director started dating one of the nurses and she was required to find another job in another dept. But they did get married and are quite happy it appears!

brewerpaul · Nov 23, 2008

We have a policy that states you can not be in a relationship with a coworker if one of you is a subordinate. It's caused alot of upheaval on occasion..

I'm REALLY opposed to any policies that tell people what they can or can't do outside of the workplace, whether it's Wal-Mart or an OR. I don't think it's anyone's d*mned business! If the relationship causes a worker's performance to suffer, then that is something within the rights and obligation of the employer to address. But what goes on after hours is personal, not business. Just because dating another employee, subordinate or not, "might"cause problems doesn't mean that it WILL cause problems. Two people who just happen to have an out of work relationship might just as easily improve the workplace because they work well together. To forbid such a relationship is to punish people for a transgression that has not yet occurred.

HoodWinked · Nov 29, 2008

This story reminds me about a young handsome neurosurgeon in his early 30's who had a practice in TX. He had everything going for him, including a salary of $800,000.00/year to simply put his name on the office door. Surgeries and visits, were of course, more pay.

With the above in mind, nurses all over the hospital chased this young man around in the hopes of becoming his one and only. After a year it seemed he had a collection of one and only's. The man had no lack of energy that's for sure. He finished his one year contract, hopped into his Porsche and left more than a few angry nurses behind.

Good looks and a serious positive cashflow will attract mucho competition.

Be careful out there!

My GF is a nurse and I'm no neurosurgeon, but we have a great time together!

elcue · Nov 29, 2008

I'm REALLY opposed to any policies that tell people what they can or can't do outside of the workplace, whether it's Wal-Mart or an OR. I don't think it's anyone's d*mned business! d.

Paul,

I also bristle at policies that are overly restrictive and seem to have no purpose other than to control people. However, the post you responded to said that there could be no superior/subordinate work relationship between 2 people dating in the department. This could include a manager, charge nurse, or even a circulator/scrub relationship.This is not simply a policy dictating what 2 people can/can't do outside the workplace.

This is an entirely different story and could lead to major headaches, legal & otherwise, in the department.

Similarly, a couple working together in the same room in an OR where there is a bad outcome could find themselves in a very uncomfortable situation if an attorney questions their statements, saying that one of them is untruthful in order to protect the other.

We had an RN couple in our OR who enjoyed doing cases together. I refused to work a room with both of them, not because their work was not good, but because I feared the fallout could be atrocious if anything bad happened. It's really not in the best interest of the couple to share an assignment, for their own protection. If a couple can tolerate working in the same department and avoid working in the same room, and neither of them is in a subordinate position, then go for it. Linda

elkpark · Jun 21, 2009

My parents met "over the table" in the OR -- Dad was an anesthesiologist, Mom was the OR supervisor, in an Air Force Base medical center during the Korean conflict. (Neither was married at the time -- no "hanky panky" on the side!) They dated, married, and have had a v. happy marriage. Mom took maternity leave when she got pregnant with me the following year, and never returned to nursing.

NurseKitten, MSN, RN · Jul 4, 2009

This is endemic in hospitals - and I expect it to be no different when I enter my CRNA clinicals this August.

Don't do it - if they're in a different department, that's one thing, but as a previous poster said, don't poop where you eat. Bad idea.

My background is ICU, but I can tell you that I watched two people who I individually considered to be friends just about ruin both their personal and professional lives by not being able to be discreet.

I'm not going to judge their morality - not my place - but she lost her marriage, he came so close it isn't even funny, and they both lost a lot of professional credibility. She ended up leaving, but she was the one who couldn't keep her mouth shut to begin with...telling us ALL things none of us wanted to hear.

Same female nurse also dated briefly a pulmonologist...he actually talked to me about it after she blabbed his personal bidness all over the hospital, and if he's to be believed (and I do, because of a few things that totally corroborate and make sense) then he's been accused of a lot that he DIDN'T do. I kinda feel sorry for him, 'cause he's young-ish, recently divorced, nice looking and a very hot commodity on the market, but he doesn't want any of the barracuda coming after him right now.

So no, as much as my husband (cop of 21 years, and it's the same way around the police department with the Peyton Place shenanigans) may irritate me and make me want to smack him at times...I'll keep what I have, thank you very much, and not risk my career, which I have worked SO HARD to get.

cmermaid · Jul 7, 2009

never fish off of the company pier!