For all of you guys that helped me so much in understanding the reality of my father's cancer, I wanted to update you that he did pass Sunday, very early. Considering he could still get up on Tues of last week, I think his passing was relatively quick. All the horror stories that spun around in my head never really came to pass. He was Foleyd on Wed night (Wed was his first day of no activity). From there, his water intake sharply dropped off. We now think Thurs was his "surge of energy". He stayed awake most of the day and was vocal (most of what he said did not make sense because of the brain mets). He got to see his mother again (he requested) and my mother (his ex wife). The harpist played for him a few favorite songs with my Mom and sister at his side. We had to swab his mouth only for a few days as he could take in no water. He was pretty much non responsive, but his eyes still looked like they could track, on Sat AM. But after that they remained half open and fixed and he was completely still and unresponsive...except when they would try to reposition him w/o giving breakthrough pain meds first. They told us the other day that his CA had mets to his spine and right leg. They were rubbing a special cream on him to help with the pain. I am glad he moved very little in the end because it was causing him so much pain.
He died peacefully with my aunt at his side. We tried to get there but couldn't make it but I think that is what my father wanted. He had someone he loved there though and I had seen him the night before. Told him I loved him, and again, would take to him everyday....
I am strangely at peace because I know my father would not have wanted to live that way, but I feel sort of numb right now. Funeral planning has to happen now so I have plenty to do.
Thank you for all your prayers and advice in this overwhelming time for me. Bless you all....:flowersfo
Thank you all for your condolences. My Dad is truly in a happier place, I know. The funeral is over though and the pain is starting to hit. The aimlessness. The "why's?". The absolute heartache. The feeling that it all must have been a bad dream. I purchased a grief recovery book and plan to enter some sort of group so I can talk about it. It is real obvious already that post funeral everyone tries to forget about your loss and certainly no one wants to talk about it!!!
I told my Dad I would be OK, so I will be OK. He will help me!!
leslie :-D
11,191 Posts
i'm glad this journey is over for your dad, knowing how anxious he had been.
may you find strength and comfort in the days ahead. your dad knows how much he was loved.
leslie