Cursing in professional settings

[Eschell2971, BSN]

Professional nurses need to think about the words they use when they are operating in a public, professional, setting. Cursing needs to stop!

I've been noticing something which I think is not good, to say the least, and in my thinking, does not put nurses in a capable, professional, or serious light.

Before I tell you what it is, I already expect that some of you will attack what I'm saying as 'racist', 'sexist', or similar diatribes, but, I ask that you at least consider & reflect on what I'm saying. This is not a personal attack, but, a glimpse into our own profession & professional standards.

I've been noticing that in professional or business meetings, many professional, educated nurses, mostly women, even women in leadership positions, will regularly curse as they're speaking to the attendees, some of whom are their direct reports.

By curse, I mean specifically using words such as, '****,' or '********', but most frequently, it's the notorious f-bomb\****' this or that, all without embarrassment or apology or even the slightest hint of regret.

Let me be transparent & acknowledge that I sometimes use 'hell' & 'damn' when I'm speaking with friends & we're just shooting the breeze. Sometimes, I even use those words when I'm listening to the news.

At times, I also use or write words like 'azz' or similar nuances in our social media culture.

But what I don't do is use curse words or other inappropriate & unprofessional language when I'm speaking in public & most certainly not when I'm in a professional setting, like a meeting or during a presentation.

Again, most of the people I see doing this are professional nurses, mostly women, who are educated, strong, capable leaders, with some tremendous responsibilities. Moreover, as I have scanned the room in these meetings, from as best as I can tell in the short timeframes, many attendees seem not to be bothered one bit by the language.

And it seems to me that many people are not even struggling with the seeming contradiction of educated women in leadership positions who are reverting to these crude behaviors, even in public.

Of course, I have not spoken to everyone in these meetings & I certainly can't read their minds. If you're wondering if I have ever asked any of the speakers who are using foul language to not do that, I have and one woman even responded with, "point taken," and then she said something else that I've been thinking about: she added, "I don't usually speak like that when I'm with my bosses or others, but when I'm with my own peeps, I just feel like I can just be myself."

Additionally, another attendee said, "Well, I don't mind at all, :****," as she was being funny & sarcastic.

I responded that I totally understand letting your hair down among your peeps, as I also am guilty of doing, but that it just didn't sound good or look good for a professional, educated woman, to use that language in a professional setting. My main focus was the professional setting; my second focus was the language.

When I was in grade school, my English teachers taught us, "If you have to use curse words when explaining or teaching something, then, your vocabulary is too small." I was also taught that there is a difference between public & private conversations, and I was expected to develop & use my vocabulary to convey concepts & ideas. I was most certainly taught that, "A lady doesn't curse in public."

Now, I am no prude and I am not suggesting that no one ever curses. Far be it from me, as I think curse words, like any other language, have their place in our large lexicon. But, just as everything has its place, there must also be a commensurate time & setting to express one's self.

As for this particular meeting, that's where we left it. Bu, I've noticed this phenomenon at different meetings, different settings, different days, different people, different roles, but, the same general professions-the medical & nursing professions. I think we can & should do better to not only uphold the evidence-based standards for our patients, but, we need to think about how we are portraying our profession on a day-to-day basis, at meetings, talking to staff, or in any public arena we find ourselves.

The media can pick & choose how they portray nurses. But, we are solely responsible for how we portray ourselves.

That's my story, in-my-never-to-be-humble-opinion. What say you?

[KCMnurse, BSN, MSN, RN]

Cursing is never acceptable in the professional setting - in my opinion anyway. I have worked with both nurse and non-nurse leaders, both male and female that liked to pepper their conversations with the F bomb. After they got to know me and realized this made me uncomfortable they would often add an apology, of sorts, after they let a curse word slip.

Part of being an adult is learning to self-regulate. If adults in positions of authority curse with impunity who am I to correct them?

[llg, PhD, RN]

The occasional curse word for effect doesn't bother me. However, I am bothered by (and disrespect) people who can't seem to have a conversation without them. If it's constant, it makes me think the person has limited language skills and no sense of propriety.

But as I said ... a curse word now and then doesn't bother me. And I occasionally say one myself when I am with people that I am really comfortable with.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

There's a place and a time to let your hair down and utter some choice invective, but a professional setting ain't it. I personally have never experienced that in staff meetings or conferences; then again, I've been out of nursing for awhile now and standards may have changed since then. If so, it isn't for the better. I have no problems with bad language itself and I seldom if ever am offended (except for one word that begins with "C"); in fact I indulge in it fairly often, but I know when and where to let it fly...or not. It's not hard to keep a civil tongue in one's head. People just need to re-learn how.

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

While cursing is never acceptable in a professional setting I think some women do it because it is widely perceived as something men do. AS we seek to sit at the same table we may be mimicking this behavior. After-all we no longer have to follow male expectations of "lady like behavior."

I work with adolescents and have a 17 year old son. He does not curse in my presence. I have taught him that those words do not earn him respect in any setting. Still I am not naïve enough to believe he does not curse when I am not around.

When I must curse in public I generally try to do it in French or Gaelic. When people ask what it means I say it's cultural and they wouldn't understand. My favorite is "Téigh cac san aigéan" leaves them scratching their heads every time.

Hppy

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

OK, I'll bite: what does that mean? In TOS-appropriate language, of course. ?

[JKL33]

This has to do with 3 main things:

1. The speaker's feelings about him/herself (self-confidence or lack thereof; possibly self-importance)

2. The speaker's feelings about the material or message s/he is presenting

3. The speaker's feelings about the group to whom s/he is speaking

Unless the speaker and each individual attendee together form a tight-knit (usually smaller), personal-friendship-level group such that common/less-formal verbiage is appropriate, one of the above 3 things is probably in play.

- If the speaker lacks self-confidence, they fear their message will be rejected and that this can somehow be prevented via superficial connection with the group

- If the speaker suffers with an elevated sense of self-importance, they may believe this is a way to lower themselves to the masses

- If the speaker knows they are delivering problematic news....ditto on the need for superficial connection in hopes of preventing outright rejection

- If the speaker has a low view of those to whom they are speaking, again - - need to "get down to that level" (whatever they perceive it to be).

One thing's for sure: Using coorifice language when speaking to a group of professionals is about the speaker and not about the people attending the meeting/presentation or their profession.