crisis of confidence

[PeanutintheOR]

I've been working in the operating room since I graduated, just over four years ago, but with a seven month break last year (bad idea, but it's a long story). In all of my previous jobs, I've done well. I've had my stumbles, but overall, I've been a competent nurse, and I've always had very positive performance reviews.

The trouble has been in my current job. I got a traveling gig after my break, and got assigned in Portland, OR. Maybe it's the time off, maybe it's my relative inexperience as a traveler, but I just haven't been bringing my A game to this job. I make stupid mistakes, like forgetting to have a patient remove his dentures before coming to the OR, or leaving the chart on a stretcher when transferring a patient to another bed. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to stop screwing up.

The nurses at my current assignment seem to like me, but about half the scrubs seem to be dead set against me. I've overheard them whispering about me whenever I make a mistake, saying that they can't believe I want to extend my contract. If it were just one, I'd ignore her, but there's a group of about six "mean girls" who just seem to be watching me all the time to note every mistake I make. Some of the things they talk about aren't even my fault, like when a nurse who relieved me for lunch forgot to put away the Contact Precautions sign. Or they're really minor, like forgetting to erase the patient information from the white board in one room (this being on a weekend shift, when there was almost nobody around to see it).

I'm miserable, and I can't sleep at night, which makes me even more prone to mistakes. When I do sleep, I have terrible nightmares and wake up exhausted. On good days, I want to quit OR and go into another branch of nursing. On bad days, I want to quit nursing altogether. Unfortunately, I'm stuck here until February 28 (just signed my extension), so I don't know what I can do. Has anyone else had experiences like this? How can I make it through four more months without breaking down?

[Argo]

Quit being so hypersensitive. Who gives a crap about those chickenheads. (I call them that cause try Peck at every little piece of gravel/seed that's out there)

The fact is that you do a good enough job to not get canceled and also to get extended.

Which company did you get an assignment in Portland with? How are you liking the area?I plan to travel up there next fall.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

Dude, you just have to get back in the swing of things. You have been up there for how long? 3 months? I used to travel, so I can tell you with confidence that some staff nurses are dead set against you without even laying eyes on you SIMPLY because you are a traveler and they know that you make more money than they do. I had to deal with this too. The way I circumvented this was to:

1. Not take anything personally. If they tell me that I am ugly and my kids are stupid, then I will take it personally. If they are being petty (it sounds like they are), then I don't own it, and let the problem continue to be what it truly is...THEIRS!

2. Wake up extra early so that I can go into the OR, read through all of the procedures for the day, look up my patient histories and labs and pull my supplies. I found that if I could get to the OR early, it gives me some time to be by myself and get my bearings before others are there to interrupt my thoughts. It is really helpful to do this.

3. Use the best ice-breaker known to man: humor. If I can laugh at myself, I completely take away any ammunition that anyone can use against me. These "mean girls" will be blindsided by this and won't know how to act. For example, if the patient came to the OR with dentures (which by the way, your anesthesia care provider should have taken care of), say in a light tone "I guess you won't be needing these to eat your five course meal during surgery, Mr. X!"

4. Stay positive all the time, even if I am not feeling it at work. The worst thing in the world is to be a "Debbie Downer" as my BFF says. If you think negatively, your day will follow that thought pattern, and every single thing that goes wrong will seem like some weird damning cosmic alignment against you. If you think positively and blow off the minor things, your day will follow THAT thought pattern, and you will find yourself with some "step in your getty-up". Let's face it, everyone leaves the chart sometimes. It isn't killing your patient.

You MUST be your own cheerleader. You don't know many people when you are a travel nurse. You must have a thick skin and you must show a confident and assertive attitude. If the mean girls see any sort of weakness in you AT ALL, they will prey on you like fish in a feeding frenzy. You must carry a confident attitude even when you mess up. If you do mess up, only apologize ONCE, then let it go. Don't offer up excuses or say anything further. They will only use this as fodder when they gossip. You know that old saying "Dress for the job"? It is time for you to dress up, honey! Put your big girl panties on and be the amazing nurse that you are.

You will be surprised at how easy your future weeks will be if you engage some of these tips. Remember to keep it light and to be assertive. Remember that you are there for the patients. It also doesn't hurt to remember how much you are making! When I feel down in the dumps at work, feel like I am only a glorified waitress, janitor, etc., I remind myself that I am a very well paid waitress and everything is just fine!

Good luck to you. You will get through it.

[GadgetRN71, ASN, RN]

OP, don't worry what the mean girls think of you. They do not do your job and in my way of thinking, they get no opinion on your nursing skills. It would be a cold day in hell before I let a tech dictate or criticize my nursing practice.

I was a tech before and I always tried to have respect for the nurse I was working with and not overstep my bounds.

Every workplace has "mean girls" . Tell them to get stuffed..really, some people have no respect for you until you give it back to them.

Good luck!! :)

[solneeshka, BSN, RN]

I'm really sorry to hear that you're having to deal with this. It's one thing to hear "Don't let it get to you," it's another thing to actually put it aside. I've worked in a unit like this (it can happen anywhere, don't leave the OR and expect that will solve the problem), and it really was awful. Please consider that it's the place where you're working and your next assignment will be better. The only problem with you is that you came back from a break, which of course requires a little bit of adjusting and getting back into the swing of things, and the people around you haven't been supportive of your need to re-grease the wheels, which makes you more worried about it, which makes it worse, and your terrible feedback loop is set up to make you feel like a failure. You're fine! Do what you can to ignore these whackos (I agree that if you can have some stock humor lines, that will help, and BTW, shouldn't the pre-op nurse be getting rid of the dentures?!) Next time, get an assignment elsewhere and go in with your brand new attitude. You are great!

[fusionfire32]

hi ya,

i understand how you feel. i was in a situation where some senior nurse tried to teach me old ways when i was brand new in or. i was moved to a different speciality after my induction period but i stuck to it. everyday i motivated myself and promised myself that nobody is going to crush my self respect, confidence and my morale. i took a lot of stress in the first few months because i was new. but one day i woke up and promised myself that i am not going to take crap from anyone. so i opened my big mouth and not agressively but assertively spoke to whoever was talking nonsense to me. i also remembered my role model say to me one day when i was training: you are not coming to work to make friends. some people may like you but equally some may not like you. you are here for patients and if you can do one good thing for the patient that day then you have fulfilled your obligation to your profession. so stay positive and dont give a damn about what others talk about you. they are having some insecurities about you and that is why they behave in such silly manner, learn to ignore and have a thick skin as canesduke suggested. best of luck.

[Sister Fox]

Bless you - what a horrid atmosphere to be working in. But the others are right. And those people are nit-picking at you because they are jealous! Be proud of yourself, what you have achieved and don't let them rob you of your self-confidence like this.

Is there no-one there you can talk to? I'm not familiar with the US OR hierarchy and don't know what a traveller is, but there must be someone even if it's only the hospital chaplain!

Or you can always come and vent on here!