COVID guilt/burnout

[GS ED RN, MSN, RN]

hello - this is probably a popular topic - I finished my masters/FNP may 2020. I have been a nurse for 5 years - the last 3 years have been in the ED my one true love - I knew I wouldn't want to do bedside full-time for the next 40 years of my career - however I always planned on staying at bedside per-diem (so funny how managers/admin/faculty forget so quickly the bedside struggles- I NEVER wanted to be one of those) then COVID accelerated my burnout --- worked COVID ICU and two EDs at the same time and it was tough -- like COVID was the gasoline on a little baby flame that torched my joys/love for nursing ...  I just feel SO GUILTY for it - . Yep in typical nursing fashion I feel guilty for something I have no control over. I accepted a part time faculty position which I really wanted I have other offers lined up - I am just SO TORN. I do not want to leave the bedside even if I went per-diem I would feel so guilty not being up at the frontlines with my peers - also feel like I may lose some "street cred" no one but nurses will understand this and I don't know how to discuss this with my co-workers without feeling so guilty. 

Appreciate any advice/input please and thanks! and also huge thank you to all my fellow nurses - all specialities - we have all taken the brunt of this pandemic and I am so proud to be one of you 

[TheMoonisMyLantern, ADN, LPN, RN]

The truth is this: you do not owe anything to your employer or your co-workers even with a pandemic going on. As you move on to become a provider, even if you aren't treating COVID patients, you're still going to provide a vital service because people still need medical care for other things than just COVID. You said yourself that you feel burned out from the past year, you do what you have to do to take care of yourself, because your employer will not take care of you. Nurses come and go, and facilities continue to go on. 

Do not feel guilty.