Completely burned out

CaLLaCoDe, BSN, RN · Apr 9, 2009

Step down is an awfully hard lot to contend with. I worked on a Step Down unit with patient's on perpetual death row. We had a patient with multiple amputations and bed sores infected with pseudomonas on a ventilator for years. Imagine how depressing that would be to be stuck in a room with bed sores and receiving dialysis (which kept him going forever), staring at four walls, bored out of your mind.

His family was unwilling to let him go, for they were getting some money from the state for his care Unbelievable!

Anyway, I see you have hit a wall. Only thing I can suggest to you is to try another field of nursing. I don't know how darn depressing your Step Down is, I just know from experience, I didn't want to return after I got my RN.

Good luck to you! If it makes you happy, go for your librarian dream! And always remember to renew your RN every time for insurance sake, that was hard work attaining it BTW.

Flightline, BSN, RN · Apr 9, 2009

I believe nursing is the greatest possible profession. I believe it creates the greatest possible people. There is no glory in being a librarian. However, there may well be personal happiness. But no one ever touched glory without great pain and sacrifice. I'm not sure it's possible to have glory and happiness at the same time.

Have you ever had a patient, an old person from WWII? No matter what they've done in life, it seems to be their service in WWII that is what they most want to talk about, what they are most proud of. When you are putting books on the shelf one day, you will remember how you survived your hardest shift and you will consider that to be your greatest glory.

I'm not telling you that you should continue in nursing. I think you expect it to be enjoyable and give you a warm fuzzy feeling. You and I both know it doesn't do that. It is not in the nature of nursing to provide that. It is quite simply hanging on a cross every single shift. Annunciations are many; incarnations are few: not everyone is cut out to be a nurse.

But you asked if it is worth it. It is worth it. You will never do anything as important as what you do every shift you go to work. And in the end, you will measure the worth of your life by how much time you spent as a nurse. No one in the world is as close to the heart of Christ as a nurse. And Christ suffered. So, we must suffer.

Now, more pragmatically, for Christ's sake cut down working to two days a week max. You'll probably make as much as you would as a librarian. Two days only!

Good luck to you, Tinderbox.

Edward

solneeshka, BSN, RN · Apr 9, 2009

What about becoming a librarian at the medical facility where you work? If it's a big place, you never know what they have available. Or at a medical school? Something where you could use the experience and expertise you've gained in the last four years. Have you thought about teaching? If what you want to be is a librarian, by all means pursue it! But It's more time out for school, more expenses, more hard work for another degree, when maybe you haven't exhausted the possiblities that you have open to you with your current education. There are an awful lot of "nurse" positions that don't involve direct patient care, if that's what's getting you down. Maybe a switch to something like perinatal care would be enough of a change. You never know!

bcskittlez · Apr 9, 2009

How are you feeling about other things in your life? You sound a bit depressed..

Do you remember when you stopped enjoying nursing? What was the setting and why?

Is being around death and dying taking a depressive toll on you? What about working as a nurse for an insurance hotline. A school nurse. Maybe little kids will give you more peace.

Best of luck to you!

tinderbox · Apr 9, 2009

I believe nursing is the greatest possible profession. I believe it creates the greatest possible people. There is no glory in being a librarian. However, there may well be personal happiness. But no one ever touched glory without great pain and sacrifice. I'm not sure it's possible to have glory and happiness at the same time.
Have you ever had a patient, an old person from WWII? No matter what they've done in life, it seems to be their service in WWII that is what they most want to talk about, what they are most proud of. When you are putting books on the shelf one day, you will remember how you survived your hardest shift and you will consider that to be your greatest glory.
I'm not telling you that you should continue in nursing. I think you expect it to be enjoyable and give you a warm fuzzy feeling. You and I both know it doesn't do that. It is not in the nature of nursing to provide that. It is quite simply hanging on a cross every single shift. Annunciations are many; incarnations are few: not everyone is cut out to be a nurse.
But you asked if it is worth it. It is worth it. You will never do anything as important as what you do every shift you go to work. And in the end, you will measure the worth of your life by how much time you spent as a nurse. No one in the world is as close to the heart of Christ as a nurse. And Christ suffered. So, we must suffer.
Now, more pragmatically, for Christ's sake cut down working to two days a week max. You'll probably make as much as you would as a librarian. Two days only!
Good luck to you, Tinderbox.
Edward

Glory?? I don't want glory. I just want to be happy and to not feel stress, depression, anxiety, not to mention physical pain, all in the sake of continuing in nursing.

tinderbox · Apr 9, 2009

How are you feeling about other things in your life? You sound a bit depressed..
Do you remember when you stopped enjoying nursing? What was the setting and why?
Is being around death and dying taking a depressive toll on you? What about working as a nurse for an insurance hotline. A school nurse. Maybe little kids will give you more peace.
Best of luck to you!

I'm not sure when it happened, but I know it was a gradual incremental thing. I've read that burnout usually is. The thing is, I was actually quite excited about this new job ... until I hit the actual floor.

Thank you for your suggestions. I have thought about the insurance route...

tinderbox · Apr 9, 2009

Step down is an awfully hard lot to contend with. I worked on a Step Down unit with patient's on perpetual death row. We had a patient with multiple amputations and bed sores infected with pseudomonas on a ventilator for years. Imagine how depressing that would be to be stuck in a room with bed sores and receiving dialysis (which kept him going forever), staring at four walls, bored out of your mind.
His family was unwilling to let him go, for they were getting some money from the state for his care Unbelievable!

CalLaCoDe- that reminds me of a book that I heard about on NPR- A Life Worth Living. It's written by a former ER doctor and basically tells of how, in this country, a lot of people die unnecessarily awful deaths because we have so much technology. We use it even if the quality of life is horrible.

yes, ethical decisions like the one you mentioned depress me about nursing, also.

tinderbox · Apr 9, 2009

.
Now, more pragmatically, for Christ's sake cut down working to two days a week max. You'll probably make as much as you would as a librarian. Two days only!
Good luck to you, Tinderbox.
Edward

Thanks, Edward- I HAVE thought about that, as well...

llg, PhD, RN · Apr 9, 2009

Maybe you should take the library assistant position and give it try for a while. See if you like it as much as you dream you will. But if you do that, I would recommend working a couple of shifts per month if you can to keep your skills current. That way, you'll have the freedom to choose either path once you have thoroughly explored your alternative career plan to see if it works for you.

If you find that you love library work, then pursue the new path. If you find that you don't like it as much as you thought, you will still have the option of going back to nursing -- which might not seem so bad after you have taken a bit of a break.

If you find you want to combine the two, the medical librarian path could be the best route for you. You won't know until you give it a try.

angel337, MSN, RN · Apr 9, 2009

don't feel bad. nursing, especially at the bedside is a hard and sometimes very thankless job. its not easy dealing with sick people everyday, it doesn't matter how great a nurse you think you are. its also okay to say it sucks, because at times it does. but it would be worse if you constantly stay in a job just because you think you should. i think you should look into some away from the clinical area of nursing. i think you will find that it is exactly what you need to feel normal again.

Flightline, BSN, RN · Apr 9, 2009

Glory?? I don't want glory. I just want to be happy and to not feel stress, depression, anxiety, not to mention physical pain, all in the sake of continuing in nursing.

I believe it is possible to love nursing. I'm not sure it's possible to be happy in nursing. But you know, I look around and no one is actually happy. I think life may be too chaotic to allow for a continued feeling of happiness.

And you do realize what you've just described by asking to feel happy, no stress, no depression, no anxiety, and no pain? Death. My point is that you will miss being a nurse. You will miss operating at such a high level of functioning. You think you're depressed now? Give up your license and high-stress nursing job, become a librarian in a quite little town, and there won't be enough antidepressant medication in the world for you. I guarantee it.

We agree that two days a week is an option. Two days a week isn't a lot of money, but it's more than a library assistant makes and you don't need a Masters of Library Science (Can you imagine what the lectures in those classes would be like?). Two days a week and you'll be looking forward to work.