Complaints Already!!

Imafloat, BSN, RN · Aug 17, 2006

She will be gone in two shakes of a lambs tail if she doesn't get over herself. She might be all talk right now because she is nervous. People express themselves differently so let's hope she stops acting like that!

Lisa CCU RN, RN · Aug 17, 2006

Tell her that she is gonna have to be humble and take a little "disrespect "during nursing school and she needs to save the putting folks in her place for after she is licensed. As of now she's a scrub.

firstyearstudent · Aug 17, 2006

We have a gal like this in my class and I give her total props, actually. Everyone was backing down from this incredibly nasty and unpleasant CI. She was the only one who wouldn't take anything from her. She passed, like the rest of us, but with more of her dignity intact. I don't like this student, mostly because she's unhelpful to other students during clinical, but I'm glad she's in the class and saying what the rest of us don't have the guts to.

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Aug 17, 2006

you are going into a service industry where you are going to be dealing with people on an interpersonal basis daily. you are going to meet all kind, believe me. if you let everyone you come into contact with upset you, you will go down in flames before you ever get very far in your life. you don't give much information about yourself in your profile, but i am guessing that you are a relatively young person. one of the concepts you will be learning in nursing school is one of being non-judgmental. others that you may have already picked up in psychology classes involve theories of personal behavior and game playing. i happen to be a great lover of eric berne's theory of game playing which many clinical psychologists are required to study. we had to study a lot of this stuff when i was in my bsn program and i can't tell you how helpful it is in dealing with and understanding other people's behavior.

first of all, people who are loud and have to "announce" their thoughts and feelings to the group like this are ultimately lonely people who don't have many friends and are in search of some. she is attempting to do this in one of the only ways she knows how, and that is to be aggressive. this is not the normal way to gain friends. we each have the choice of what behavior we are going to exhibit. you can make the choice to join her in her aggressive, public displays or ignore her. threatening remarks about no one going to disrespect her is an announcement that she has been hurt before, or has seen others hurt and doesn't intend for it to happen to her. that doesn't mean people should rush to her side and comfort her. i, personally, would see this person as being a potential troublemaker. people who do not know how to control themselves and act reasonably in public situations are trouble waiting to happen. the tragedy is that they do not know this themselves and as they exhibit this behavior they are only alienating themselves more. now, the odd thing is that if there are others like her, like a magnet, they will be attracted to each other.

my advice. . .just ignore her. be polite, but don't participate in her rantings or acknowledge her complaints. just stay away from her. she is a person in misery and trying to pull others into her misery to share it with her. don't fall for that. if she is successful in collecting cohorts, she has won a game of control over those cohorts. you don't want to be in that position of being controlled by her. she is also a very negative thinker. that is the wrong attitude for any student about to undertake a new career. negative thinking will stall you where you stand and you will make no progress. mark my words. this person will have a difficult time making progress as a nurse because of her negativity and will probably have difficulty all throughout her life and career because of this. to learn you have to be open and think positively in order to accept the many new ideas that are going to be presented to you. this lady has already shut herself off from learning before it has ever started. stay away from her.

wildmountainchild · Aug 17, 2006

I don't know if I agree Daytonite.

I'm kind of an agressive personality myself. I'm the one who always calls the mom on the bus trying to leave her kids dirty diaper under the seat (Ma'ma....Ma'am!!!! You forgot your kid's dirty diaper under the seat you were sitting in. I'm sure you didn't mean to, because that would be really rude....). Or sticks up for some old folks in line who were just conned out of the table they were waiting for by some teenage punks.

I don't stand for people acting unprofessionally. Will I do whatever crappy job is asked of me.........of course I will!!!!! But will I do it while someone is berating, hostile, and rude......absolutely not. And that includes instructors. I find that a sincere, but stern "I don't deserve to be treated that way." usually does the trick.

I have a handful of close, special friends. I'm certainly the loudest of the bunch, in contrast to what you write, my other friends aren't like me, or even like each other....they come from a fairly diverse set of backgrounds that is reflected in thier diverse personalities.

Instead of stemming from insecurity I view my mouth as a form of courage. I will always stand between the bad guy and the underdog, no matter the size of the bad guy. But I do concede that the evolution of who I am today had much to do with being stepped on and walked over in the past. I used to be as quiet and as meek as a mouse, I took responsibility for being complicit in my own degradation and found my voice. I'm proud of that.

I wouldn't announce it to a whole group of future classmates though, they'll figure it out soon enough anyway. Some of my bravaddo may be insecurity, but I truly doubt that the size of my chutzpah is directly proportional to the size of that insecurity. And I equally doubt that I hold exclusive rights to it, I know many a very quiet, and shamefully insecure person.

I also know that I can misplace my passion and can cross the line in towing it. I'm a work in progress and I learn more about how to handle the world around me everyday. I appreciate being put in MY place as well, sometimes the loud ballsy ones of the bunch actually have some things to say about us that we may not want to hear, but that are true nonetheless. When you are called attention to your lesser qualities it's how you come to change them.

If someone were to say to me "I don't deserve to be treated that way." It would likely make me realize I was being unprofessional and I would change my behavior. By calling people on thier crap I'm giving them the opportunity to change thier behavior. If no one ever speaks up how are the "bad guys" to know what they are doing is rude/callous/unprofessional??!!

Whhhew. That my two cents worth.

Oh, and did you know daytonite is a mineral?

GratefulHeart · Aug 17, 2006

you are going into a service industry where you are going to be dealing with people on an interpersonal basis daily. you are going to meet all kind, believe me. if you let everyone you come into contact with upset you, you will go down in flames before you ever get very far in your life. you don't give much information about yourself in your profile, but i am guessing that you are a relatively young person. one of the concepts you will be learning in nursing school is one of being non-judgmental. others that you may have already picked up in psychology classes involve theories of personal behavior and game playing. i happen to be a great lover of eric berne's theory of game playing which many clinical psychologists are required to study. we had to study a lot of this stuff when i was in my bsn program and i can't tell you how helpful it is in dealing with and understanding other people's behavior.
first of all, people who are loud and have to "announce" their thoughts and feelings to the group like this are ultimately lonely people who don't have many friends and are in search of some. she is attempting to do this in one of the only ways she knows how, and that is to be aggressive. this is not the normal way to gain friends. we each have the choice of what behavior we are going to exhibit. you can make the choice to join her in her aggressive, public displays or ignore her. threatening remarks about no one going to disrespect her is an announcement that she has been hurt before, or has seen others hurt and doesn't intend for it to happen to her. that doesn't mean people should rush to her side and comfort her. i, personally, would see this person as being a potential troublemaker. people who do not know how to control themselves and act reasonably in public situations are trouble waiting to happen. the tragedy is that they do not know this themselves and as they exhibit this behavior they are only alienating themselves more. now, the odd thing is that if there are others like her, like a magnet, they will be attracted to each other.
my advice. . .just ignore her. be polite, but don't participate in her rantings or acknowledge her complaints. just stay away from her. she is a person in misery and trying to pull others into her misery to share it with her. don't fall for that. if she is successful in collecting cohorts, she has won a game of control over those cohorts. you don't want to be in that position of being controlled by her. she is also a very negative thinker. that is the wrong attitude for any student about to undertake a new career. negative thinking will stall you where you stand and you will make no progress. mark my words. this person will have a difficult time making progress as a nurse because of her negativity and will probably have difficulty all throughout her life and career because of this. to learn you have to be open and think positively in order to accept the many new ideas that are going to be presented to you. this lady has already shut herself off from learning before it has ever started. stay away from her.

ditto this advice! i was in a bsn program years ago, and my lack of skill in dealing with negative talk/thinking left me so completely demoralized that i ended up dropping out of nursing school altogether and even forfeiting an honors scholarship that paid my way (foolish girl!) - something that i have regretted now for over 25 years.

you've identified what was by far my greatest problem while in nursing school...absorbing negativity...and as a result i caved in to the stress. there will always be something or someone to complain about while in nursing school along with a whole choir of complainers in nursing school and in the hospitals too - nurses who are disillusioned with their jobs and who'll tell you they think you're crazy for choosing to become a nurse. had i been better prepared to face this emotional/mental battle back then, i would be an rn today looking back on 25 years of experience versus one who is about to *begin again* the wild and hairy adventure of nursing school at the ripe ole age of 47.

whenever a bunch of demoralizing mind pollution starts coming my direction in nursing school this time 'round, here's what my battle plan is: count my blessings; name them one by one. thank the lord for all that he's done - especially in giving me the privilege of attending nursing school a second time. then i plan to look around for another classmate or two to encourage and cheer on along the way. we'll all be in the heat together, and when we've graduated i want to be able to look back with a smile at the faces of others i helped along the way toward their dreams.

o and btw, well-expressed humor helps lighten the atmosphere when you can't get away from this kind of verbal assault, but as much as possible i plan to avoid listening to any of that kind of cr*p in the first place.

firstyearstudent · Aug 17, 2006

Here, here, wildmountainchild.

I think what I find so disturbing among some nursing students is the perspective that they should accept being humiliated and degraded as a positive experience (part of some grand plan designed to make them tougher, better, more careful nurses -- I don't buy it) or to just to suck it up (so they won't appear as whiners or risk some retribution -- might be some truth to it). I am usually an outspoken person, but in nursing school I just hold my tongue. Am I paranoid, or just selfishly looking after my own a**? I don't know but I don't like it either way. I guess the bottom line is that I'm often too intimidated to speak my mind.

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Aug 17, 2006

oh, and did you know daytonite is a mineral?

yes, i did. i chose the name daytonite because i used to live in dayton, ohio. then when i looked at it i realized that it could be broken into day to nite and i kind of liked that since i worked a lot of night shifts.

anyway, i don't disagree with what you've said. what i primarily don't like is people who walk into situations already waving their arms and mouthing off when nothing has been done or said yet. they are, basically, bullying everyone. that is purely an intimidation tactic and a gamesplay move that needs to be identified for what it is. i don't have a problem with people, like you, who are standing up for their rights or the rights of others.

i've had to deal with a lot of difficult people as subordinate employees when i have been in management and supervision jobs. i can spot these kind of bullies and negative upsetters-of-the-applecarts a mile away now. that's why i advise that this particular person is a potential troublemaker and should be stayed away from. she has serious agenda problems of her own that she is going to try to force onto others and there will be some weaklings who will get in line behind her, unfortunately. hopefully, she'll burn herself out or do something so incredibly stupid she'll get herself booted out of the nursing program early on so the rest of the students can get on with the business of learning nursing.

Trauma Columnist · Aug 17, 2006

I am also known as being fairly aggressive. However, when in a learning environment (ie nursing school), one sometimes must just shut up and do what is requested.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Aug 17, 2006

In Desiderata, something I live by it says "Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit." http://hobbes.ncsa.uiuc.edu/desiderata.html

It's one thing to defend yourself when wronged. It's another to be loud and agressive to start looking for a fight before there is even one. Surely this person is going to find what she's looking for and there's going to be drama. She's attracking it, she's inviting it, she's hungering for it.

Stay away from her.

Lisa CCU RN, RN · Aug 17, 2006

I am also known as being fairly aggressive. However, when in a learning environment (ie nursing school), one sometimes must just shut up and do what is requested.

:yeahthat: :yeahthat: