Compassion required???

[jellyfishmafia]

I have a fairly important question regarding the personal requirements of nursing. Most of everyone in my family has some sort of medical degree and I am following suit (after a less than climactic career in engineering). I identify pretty well with the people in my family in regards to personality and they all have encouraged me so far in the nursing program, each telling me I will do very well.

So heres the issue:

I keep coming across references to "Compassion" being a "common sense requirement" to be a nurse. This DOES NOT click with me or my personality. I like to think I have a science based logic and frame of mind, I am goal oriented, and I love a good challenge, excitement, and nigh impossible deadlines. This I can see being useful in being a nurse. However, I am not that compassionate of a person. Most of the time I believe that what happens is a consequence of your own actions. I do not easily feel sympathetic towards people and quite honestly am very irritated by drama and over acting. I have read and come across information explicitly stating that this is the number one reason NOT to be a nurse.

I have to admit, I am doing it for the money and job stability. I will most likely never work full time and I will never bring my work home with me WHEN POSSIBLE. I don't feel sorry for the sick, the injured, the unfortunate - IMO thats the way the world turns. I am in no way christian, bhuddist, jewish, agnostic, atheist, etc... I relate to Pantheism if I had to pick something spiritual to believe in. I do not agree with religion and would never pretend to. This being said, I CAN hold my tongue - I am actually quite the pro at it. Edit: I should also mention that I am very capable and I am very professional in work situations. I exhibit respect for other's opinions and beliefs. I just won't fake my own.

I am very good at carrying out instructions, working with a clear mind, getting the job done objectively. When it comes to critical thinking I can get it done subjectively as well. Those boundaries are malleable - the ones that aren't are the ones concerning my emotions. I like people in general when they are not consumed with themselves or taking themselves too seriously.

Am I a recipe for disaster when I begin working as a nurse? Should I cut my losses and withdraw from my nursing program so far - (Which I enjoy the moderate challenge)

Without WANTING to help the sick and injured I can still be a great nurse in my opinion. I'm not saying I would have a problem carrying out the duties of a nurse, but honestly it isn't what I wake up wanting to do. I am not a Mother Teresa. I want to be a nurse, like I said, to have the money, flexibility, and job security. I didn't even consider being a nurse until I realized the pay rate and demand. Don't get me wrong - I will do the job and do it to the best of my ability and I will follow direction easily without involving my own opinions, but I will not pretend to be sympathetic or empathetic. Thats just me.

Anyone else feel this way? Are you a nurse that has a similar personality? If so please tell me your experience as a nurse.

EDIT: I am convinced that my lack of ability in being outwardly compassionate lends to my ability to "not freak out" in emergency situations. I have been known to carry out my responsibilities like nothing has happened. I wanted to be an EMT originally, but unfortunately they are paid like chumps... ):

[Anna Flaxis, BSN, RN]

Empathy is the basis for compassion. You cannot teach empathy. Empathy is a human trait that is evident in early childhood. Unless the OP is one of the 1% of the general population that lacks empathy, odds are that the OP *does* have compassion.

And, the OP does raise a valid point that the majority of disease in the U.S. is self inflicted through lifestyle choice.

I don't think this precludes the OP from being a good nurse. You can bet that even though I think that trauma patient brought on their misfortune through their own choice (i.e. choosing not to wear a seat belt, then being ejected head first through the windshield and ending up a paraplegic, or the middle aged man with a family history of CAD who smokes and is now having a STEMI), I will still provide them with the best care I can possibly deliver. And just because I know their life changing injury was self inflicted, that does not in any way, shape, or form, mean that I would ever tell them so. I will still give them my best. Maybe the OP is capable of the same?

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

I don't think you need to exude compassion to be a nurse, BUT, there should be some degree of wanting to help others. People aren't being too hard on the OP, Erik. When she states, "I don't feel sorry for the sick, injured, or unfortunate..." Among other things, well that really struck a cord with me. Wow. Sure, we all have our shortcomings, but IMO, that's pretty harsh. And not comparable to someone having poor math skills.

Guess thats where I and the finger wagers don't agree. I think it is comparable. I have no problem listing "compassion" as a skill right along with time management/math and science knowlegde/assessment skills.

While there are classes on math and science, books and seminars on people skills abound (The Dale Carnegie books). The article I posted shows, we are just now seeing how "people skills" or compassion (Emotional Intelligence in the article) actually can be taught and sharpened. I don't see it as a personality trait that is either born into you or not. Compassion is the outward expression of many different internal mechanisms, and we do have control over said mechanisms.

I don't internally have to be all goo-goo inside to be compassionate towards the family members who feel guilty about their decision to have their mother placed in LTC. Me............internally I'm thinking they are lucky. My grandmother's decline in health was acute/sudden. She went from being AO, self reliant and witty to being completely dependent and non-verbal in a matter of weeks. I'd have enjoyed having her around, at the local nursing home, and being able to visit/talk with her.

Just because I see it that way doesn't mean I can't help them through their version of the crisis. I've learned how via nursing experience and a better understanding of how to talk and listen to people. I don't see compassion as some random trait that you either have or don't. I think it can be developed.

[Music in My Heart]

You don't see the irony in a person........................scolding another for not having compassion and lacking said compassion in their scolding?

There was some scolding most of us were simply providing the requested feedback. Specifically, that the opinions expressed by the OP indicate that nursing is probably not the most suitable career choice. That's obviously something that the OP is already considering or s/he would not have posted what s/he did.

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

empathy is the basis for compassion. you cannot teach empathy. empathy is a human trait that is evident in early childhood. unless the op is one of the 1% of the general population that lacks empathy, odds are that the op *does* have compassion.

and, the op does raise a valid point that the majority of disease in the u.s. is self inflicted through lifestyle choice.

i don't think this precludes the op from being a good nurse. you can bet that even though i think that trauma patient brought on their misfortune through their own choice (i.e. choosing not to wear a seat belt, then being ejected head first through the windshield and ending up a paraplegic, or the middle aged man with a family history of cad who smokes and is now having a stemi), i will still provide them with the best care i can possibly deliver. and just because i know their life changing injury was self inflicted, that does not in any way, shape, or form, mean that i would ever tell them so. i will still give them my best. maybe the op is capable of the same?

exactly my point. shesh, people are reacting as though tc came in here and said "i used to put the cat in the microwave when i was young, then as a teenager i plotted the deaths of all the pretty girls in my class................and now i wanna be a nurse. any thoughts?".

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

i think you just like playing the devil's advocate sometimes. the op not only states that they lack compassion, but that they don't like dealing with people going through a difficult time.

if i have issues with math, i can get tutoring and practice and learn to be better. math is a skill and skills are learnable. compassion and empathy are much harder things to teach and learn. the op doesn't ask how to become more empathetic or compassionate but if they can be a nurse without that.

to use your analogy, a better example would be someone asking if it's possible to be a nurse without ever having to use math. well...can you?

ah, i do see your point though. u r right there. tc did not make any reference to wanting to change this aspect of herself or improve in any way.

kinda like the student who is not doing well with math saying "ah well, i can be a fine nurse without worrying about gtt. rates and other calculations" instead of seeking a tutor.

truth is, people are begging her not to go into nursing because they are afraid for the patients. truth is, it's tc who should be worried if this is the case, that she does not consider it a problem that needs overcome. she'll get eaten alive by the patients and family. never mind protecting them, it's her that would be in danger lol.

[Anna Flaxis, BSN, RN]

I find it laughable that posters are so worried about the safety of the OP's future patients. Like the OP, I am not outwardly demonstrative by nature. I'm very rational, methodical, and outwardly cool and collected. I don't gush. I'm not huggy and touchy and feely. Am I a good nurse? You bet! Recently, one of my coworkers told me "You know, I never have to worry that any patients are going to die when you're around."

Does that mean I don't work on demonstrating caring behaviors toward patients? Not at all. I often have to remind myself to give them a touch on the shoulder or gentle hand squeeze. It doesn't mean I don't care, it's just that it doesn't come naturally to me to show that I care.

[CompleteUnknown]

Maybe part of the problem is that not everyone agrees on what compassion actually is. We can read the dictionary definition, and we can think we know what it means but I'll bet that everyone has a slightly different interpretation. The problem talking about it comes when we think that others mean the same thing as we do.

Having said that, I find it pretty hard to imagine being a nurse without having some sort of willingness to 'put yourself out' for others. In my experience, people who are all about 'it's my way or the highway' aren't happy in nursing as they are constantly feeling put upon and in conflict with patients.

[Music in My Heart]

I find it laughable that posters are so worried about the safety of the OP's future patients.

IMO, it's not about safety, it's about creating a therapeutic environment. The OP's statement, "I will not pretend to be sympathetic or empathetic" just comes off as self-centered rather than patient-centered. Sometimes, empathy is exactly what the situation calls for.

I still think the OP would do better to look at another role in the health-care arena than nursing.

[Anna Flaxis, BSN, RN]

I think what constitutes a therapeutic environment is highly subjective as well as being dependent upon the context.

What constitutes a therapeutic environment is different in a Rehabilitation unit versus an ED, a Psych unit vs. a NICU, the OR vs. Urgent Care, the Cath Lab vs. the doctor's office, etc. Sometimes, having compassion for the patient isn't so much about being outwardly expressive of empathy for their situation, but rather, about making the most appropriate clinical decisions to protect their safety.

[~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN]

I have never heard of a nurse volunteering to do it for free. EVERYONE cares about the money and those that say they don't need to get out and let the ones who need the money take their place.

You don't have to volunteer and not care about the money period, to not go into nursing FOR the money. Some people the money is their driving force for entering nursing. That's ok. But if money isn't your driving force, it doesn't mean you should give up your pay all together. It gets so irritating to see people say this over and over again. Financially we didn't need me to get into nursing. My husband makes really good money and we were fine with me being home and raising the kids. I didn't want to just stay home though, especially as my kids got older. I wanted to find a career that I would find rewarding. I wanted to find a job where I could make a difference in peoples lives. That was my driving force. I chose nursing, it fit my life, where a couple other careers I was considering didn't. The stability (once you get that first job) and the good pay was an added bonus. I can't work for free or else we would have to pay out for me to work and we have already paid out for me to go to school for years, and childcare for me to go to school. Life isn't free, even for volunteers. But I did not get into nursing for the money. I can work part time if I want or PRN.

I certainly don't need to give up being a nurse because money wasn't my driving force. If others want to be a nurse that do need the money, they have the same opportunities I had. They can go out and pursue it. But I will be a great nurse and one that gives the kind of care to my patient that makes a difference in their life. I have no doubt about that. I certainly am not going to step aside and give my spot to someone that doesn't really care. Patients know!

I have been a patient for a good part of my life, I have spent a lot of time in hospitals years ago. I could tell the difference between a good nurse and one that didn't care about the patients. It made a huge difference in my recovery and how I felt. When you are in the hospital you are not only in a very stressful time in your life, you are very vulnerable and most people don't enjoy having to depend on everyone else, it's hard enough.

They deserve good care and nurses that can put their judgements aside and can see them as individuals. Like I said, I have met and seen in action many nurses that come out of the room and talk about how sick of patients they are, how if it wasn't for the good pay they would have never picked this field etc. etc. They think they hide it well and they don't. You can see a total difference in the patient when that nurse leaves the room and the look of despair in their face when the nurse is in there. I have seen a patient break down and cry after the nurse left the room. Nurses like this need to work in areas with minimal patient interaction or find a new career and make room for those of us that DO care!

Just my 0.02:twocents:

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

IMO it's not about safety, it's about creating a therapeutic environment. The OP's statement, "[i']I will not pretend to be sympathetic or empathetic[/i]" just comes off as self-centered rather than patient-centered. Sometimes, empathy is exactly what the situation calls for.

I still think the OP would do better to look at another role in the health-care arena than nursing.

Yes. I put a lot of stock in having a "theraputic environment". I truly think nursing's understanding of this is one of the things that really sets us apart from other teams in the medical field. Doctors practice it, but IDK if they put as much value to it as we do. The business folk are completely lost with it, and other departments are often too concerned about getting their work done and going home on time to be bothered with it.

I was thinking.........if you had me ask questions about illness/death before going into nursing, I'd have come of as a bit of a monster. I didn't have the communication skills (the same skills that foster a theraputic environment) to express myself to avoid it. My ideas/views haven't changed, but I would not be labeled a monster when I expressed them so much now.

Before being a nurse, I had a unique view of death. I never understood all the gushing over it. I saw a person, who often was only a shell of their former selves and in pain, moving onto a different place. W/E concerns or worries they had can no longer weigh them down. I viewed much of the gushing over the deceased as silly and self centered, wondered if it didn't have more to do with personal loss than concern for the deceased.

Fast forward to my first year of being a first year student, on a M/S unit that frequently had hospice patients. Now, if compassion can not be learned, I'd have been dead in the water, incapable of growing in such a way that I could understand why the families were upset and required so much of my time. But, my training that we as nurses support our patients and hence the family system they belong to, the knowledge that different people view death differently and the sense of duty in that I am there for support and not to judge............changed me. I may not be able to relate to families that go through (what I consider) extreme measures to keep their loved ones alive and avoid death at all costs (regardless of quality of life) but I can support them as a nurse. This was learned though, in school and through other aspects of my career/life.

But, the poster above might be right, TC doesn't really express any desire to grow/change. Seems to have more of a "This is me, take it or leave it" approach to it. IDK, maybe they can change that, maybe not. But, the opportunity for change is there. I don't believe she is already sunk before she even starts.

[steelydanfan]

IMO it all depends on the area of nursing you work and the population you work with. Working in the ICU or a SICU sounds like a great fit for you. It is more about caring for the patient than caring ABOUT them. L&D on the other hand you will probably hate your life everyday because they expect you to care ABOUT them and their families. Med/Surg I think you might have a hard time with. The majority of the medical patients we see are there because of their own actions whether its diabetes, alcoholism, etc. The surgical patients however you might enjoy, especially elective surgical patients like knees and hips as they are often highly motivated in their own recovery and want as much information and independence as possible.

The ICU is the LAST place for a person who is admittedly lacking in empathy. There is so much emotional expenditure with the patients and families as to make this area a non-starter. I would look into peri-operative or out-patient surgery as an area to concentrate on. Though actually, I would encourage the OP to discard nursing as a career choice altogether. I really don't want to work with or entrust my patients to someone who is apparently only in it for the money.