coming out

CHATSDALE · Oct 28, 2004

those nurses who you say are homophobic probably know or has guessed her orientation

if she chooses to 'come out' this is her business - - - some people think that other people spend their whole time thinking about them, most people are more concerned about their ingrown toenail than they are about what the person next to them does in their off hours

rjflyn, ASN, RN · Oct 28, 2004

NO. She doesnt need to go out unless she chooses to.

I worked with a friend as a paramedic several years ago and her partner was a OB/GYN nurse. This was in a community of about 25,000 people. Never once did either on of them in the 10 yrs that I worked with them tell me "yes RJ im gay" they didnt need to.

As far as I know neither one ever told patients that they were gay. In fact I know they never told staff either but they also didnt hide the fact that they were partners and lived together- about 13 years at the time.

This brings me to my point- the people she works with all ready know, that is unless she just started working there a short time ago. Being health care providers with experence we pay attention to and pick up on the none verbal clues our patients, family, coworker and friends give us, even when we dont want to know. We hear and see things we are not intentionally trying to.

RJ:rolleyes:

rjflyn, ASN, RN · Oct 28, 2004

NO. She doesnt need to go out unless she chooses to.

I worked with a friend as a paramedic several years ago and her partner was a OB/GYN nurse. This was in a community of about 25,000 people. Never once did either on of them in the 10 yrs that I worked with them tell me "yes RJ im gay" they didnt need to.

As far as I know neither one ever told patients that they were gay. In fact I know they never told staff either but they also didnt hide the fact that they were partners and lived together- about 13 years at the time.

This brings me to my point- the people she works with all ready know, that is unless she just started working there a short time ago. Being health care providers with experence we pay attention to and pick up on the none verbal clues our patients, family, coworker and friends give us, even when we dont want to know. We hear and see things we are not intentionally trying to.

RJ:rolleyes:

Ross1 · Oct 28, 2004

I second what was posted above by "merricat." It is extremely frustrating to hear people make comments like "it is no ones business" or "people's sexuality"..........

I would like to know why it is okay for a straight female nurse to arrive at work on a Monday morning and talk freely to her co-workers about what she did with her husband and children over the weekend. No one accuses her of flaunting her sexuality or pushing her personal life on others....YET...all too often these accusations are made against gay people the moment we share personal aspects of our lives with co-workers.

Being gay is much more then a sexual act. I am gay and I have a same-sex spouse. I speak freely about him in the exact same manner that heterosexuals speak about their spouses.....you know...the typical stuff when co-workers say, "How was your weekend or where did you go on vacation?" I'm sure that there will always be a small minority of people that will accuse me of flaunting my sexuality....but that is their problem!

Ross1 · Oct 28, 2004

I second what was posted above by "merricat." It is extremely frustrating to hear people make comments like "it is no ones business" or "people's sexuality"..........

I would like to know why it is okay for a straight female nurse to arrive at work on a Monday morning and talk freely to her co-workers about what she did with her husband and children over the weekend. No one accuses her of flaunting her sexuality or pushing her personal life on others....YET...all too often these accusations are made against gay people the moment we share personal aspects of our lives with co-workers.

Being gay is much more then a sexual act. I am gay and I have a same-sex spouse. I speak freely about him in the exact same manner that heterosexuals speak about their spouses.....you know...the typical stuff when co-workers say, "How was your weekend or where did you go on vacation?" I'm sure that there will always be a small minority of people that will accuse me of flaunting my sexuality....but that is their problem!

Reebsnrn · Oct 28, 2004

I have had very few problems with my sexuality in L&D and I work in the deep south in some of the most close-minded places. I've also traveled and have always waited to make my preferences known until I get a feel for the people. I don't lie or mislead people, but allow people to make their own assumptions. When I say "spouse" most people assume husband, which is okay with me. Eventually it comes out and is okay. My advice is not to lie to people because then they feel betrayed and like they can't trust you. I've never been put in a situation to feel uncomfortable, but I've never put myself in that position either. Good luck and feel free to ask questions. :imbar

Reebsnrn · Oct 28, 2004

I have had very few problems with my sexuality in L&D and I work in the deep south in some of the most close-minded places. I've also traveled and have always waited to make my preferences known until I get a feel for the people. I don't lie or mislead people, but allow people to make their own assumptions. When I say "spouse" most people assume husband, which is okay with me. Eventually it comes out and is okay. My advice is not to lie to people because then they feel betrayed and like they can't trust you. I've never been put in a situation to feel uncomfortable, but I've never put myself in that position either. Good luck and feel free to ask questions. :imbar

TEXASWAG, MSN, RN · Oct 28, 2004

i have a friend at work who is afraid to "come out" because we work exclusively with women pts.and all...she is afraid of what people will think. she wants some thoughts on the subject from nurses she doesn't know!!!

Wow...so sad that even today she is scared to be herself. In Austin I have worked in ICU where the staff has openly talked about their love lives straight and gay. Too bad she can't move to Austin.....she would love the city and the openness. Life is too short to be scared. I'm a straight woman, no kids, no husband, shy, nappy headed....no matter what....people will find something to talk about.

Your friend should just be herself.

TEXASWAG, MSN, RN · Oct 28, 2004

i have a friend at work who is afraid to "come out" because we work exclusively with women pts.and all...she is afraid of what people will think. she wants some thoughts on the subject from nurses she doesn't know!!!

Wow...so sad that even today she is scared to be herself. In Austin I have worked in ICU where the staff has openly talked about their love lives straight and gay. Too bad she can't move to Austin.....she would love the city and the openness. Life is too short to be scared. I'm a straight woman, no kids, no husband, shy, nappy headed....no matter what....people will find something to talk about.

Your friend should just be herself.

talaxandra · Oct 29, 2004

I'm with everyone who's addressed the 'flaunting' issue - wearing gold lame hot pants and talking in graphic detail about sex might be flaunting your sexuality, but talking about your life in the same way as everyone else did is being a person.

Hmm, I don't think I've articulated that very well :) My point is that I don't see what difference one's sexual orientation makes to how good a nurse one is, but not feeling comfortable enough with one's colleagues to be able to say "[my same-sex partner] and I just spent the weekend gardening and pottering about the house" makes working in that environment stressful.

rollingstone · Oct 29, 2004

I've always thought that personal matters should be kept private.

SheaTab · Nov 4, 2004

>>

Who you choose to allign yourself with as a life partner has little to do with "sex." I'm sure when heterosexual nurses mention their husbands (which happens A LOT) it is almost never in the context of their late night escapades! Although, I have heard a few comments... lol. No one would think twice if someone at work said that she went to the movies with her husband last night. HOWEVER, it would be a totally different ballgame if someone said... My girlfriend and I went to the movies. Of course, the natural assumption would be that this was a platonic relationship. Problem is... Lesbians and the like are often forced to refer to their SO as "roommate" or "best friend." It's a lie and I'm sure that it gets old. Sexuality does not only refer to the sexual act. It permeates nearly every facet of your life. When you share your life with someone it's very difficult not to mention them in casual conversation. After all, they are your other half (per se). Think about how difficult it would be to never mention your husband.

As far as coming out at work... that's a tricky one! We had an Out lesbian MD working in our facility and she was shunned big time. Very sad. I just don't know if we have come far enough as a society to be accepting. Especially not here in the US where we are trying to ammend the constitution to contain language about marriage and such. I for one, am in complete disagreement with it. But that is a different subject. Should your friend decide to come out at work, she will probably encounter difficulty. Although... Canada is much more liberal, right???

I think women automatically feel that they wouldn't want a lesbian checking their cervix... as if a vag exam is a romantic encounter!!! You could easily turn the table on them and say... but you will allow a hetero male doctor do it??!?!?!?! What's the difference? I can't imagine a lesbian or otherwise looking at their patient's bottom and thinking "oh baby!" NEVER! If that were to happen, it is certainly not because that nurse is a lesbian... it would be because she has some serious psyche issues. Same as if it were to happen with a male OB.

What are the motivations for your friend wanting to "come out?"

Good Luck!