Caught diverting methadone.

[Nursemel05]

I'm an LPN at a methadone clinic and was recently caught diverting methadone from a hidden stash of extra medication that was kept from being over. The nurses kept the stash for that just in case moment when we run low on inventory. The stash was hidden and our supervisor was unaware of it. A few days ago I had a weak moment and took the medication out of the pharmacy. The other nurse went to grab from the inventory and realized it was gone. She asked me but of course initially I denied it because I was ashamed and embarrassed. Well needless to say we all had to submit a drug test and I eventually admitted to diverting it. My supervisor has told me to go in next week and work triage until final determination is made but that I'm going to be losing my job and reported. Ok am seeking advice of other nurses who have been through tbis and if I can avoid going to jail if I self report and agree to entering a rehab program. I know what I did was wrong and inexcusable however i feel I deserve a chance to fight and get help. Please anyone with advice on this. I am so scared of what is ahead of me. 😢

[3ringnursing, BSN]

Thank you so much 3ringnursing. I've been being so hard in myself. I go into work and feel so embarrased cause I'm afraid everyone looks at me differently. I really don't want to lose my job there as u love it but I think once our big boss comes back from vacation at the end of this week is when the final determination will be made. I'm afraid of the worst , doing time. I also don't want to lose my license. But I understand I brought this upon myself. I just don't like the judgments from people who don't understand the struggle. I'm just trying to stay positive, but it's hard not knowing what's going to happen

Waiting really is the hard part - been there too.

It's times like this that my mama-heart wishes it could thunder in there and wipe it all clean away. (Another hug - this time a mama one).

We are all in your corner rooting for you! Please keep us updated on how you are doing. We all wish you well, especially this old lady addict.

[norlns24]

Best of luck to you!

Also, having that "secret stash"...wow! That sounds really sketchy. Hate to get lawyer-ly about the whole thing, but a clever attorney might use this fact to your advantage when fighting to keep your license intact and background clean.

I am not trying to excuse your behavior, but the secret stash of a controlled substance (schedule II) could very well be argued to be a significant contributing factor in this case. The fact that your manager and the owner of your clinic are acting in an empathetic manner toward you is both hopeful and interesting. I'm a bit curious if they aren't concerned about the way the clinic had been being run -- both in the global sense and more specifically and importantly for you, how their exposing your action to authorities might in turn shed light on some shady clinic practices (of which they bear ultimate responsibility).

[Lostitall]

I would think they wouldn't press charges because then they'll have to explain why they are keeping this stash of a powerful highly controlled medication. I hope all goes well for you.

[K9lover, ASN, RN]

Try not to beat yourself up so much and who needs them if they are going to look at you differently? I was a lowdown drunk and used cocaine (1980s, there was plenty of it!) Got clean and sober with no arrests as a 27 year-old waitress in '89. Still didn't return to college for a few years but I discovered quickly how harsh judgments can be. I lived in a tiny town thus everyone knew about me & the crowd I ran with; many looked down upon us although we were working alkies. My reputation had no place to go but up ^ & when I got sober it did go up, I had this insane idea that healthcare professionals were not judgmental; I was quite wrong and learned fast to be selective with whom I shared any part of my past. Never dabbled in Rx drugs as I lacked insurance and never went to doctors, this turned out to be a good thing. I stuck close to 12-step and I am not trying to label you as an addict, only you can decide that. I do hope you are able to tolerate those who pass judgment and not personalize it. I doubt you will do any time if you go into diversion (I've not known any who have even if they didn't follow-through.) The nurse I knew who self-reported, went into diversion and seriously wanted to get clean emerged just fine and is working in drug/alcohol rehab as most rehabs are social-model and do not stock or dispense drugs of potential abuse. Stay positive, take it a day at a time, avoid those who judge you and remember good times pass but bad times pass, too. Best of luck!