Caring for the Caregiver

When you are on the verge of quitting, combat burnout with care. Begin by caring about yourself, as much as you care for others. Prioritize. Rest. Accept help. And the rest will come.

Caring for the Caregiver

Caring

FACT: Caring is the caregiver’s job.

It is the name and the job description both. When does the healthcare provider stop caring? Never. Of course. So, what constitutes a break? Oftentimes, even after the caregiver hands off their responsibilities at work, and walks away to rejuvenate, the caring tags along. That is the catch.

Nursing and every other career to do with providing healthcare can be exhausting precisely because of that fact.

Nursing Burnout

Nursing burnout is a topic that is talked about by nearly everyone these days, from newscasters, to CEOs, to those folks in the trenches. Covid did this? Nope. Burnout has long been a problem but is now getting the attention it deserves. Burnout has contributed to a nursing shortage? Yep. Discontent? Double yep, in some cases. Discord… All the D-words, or just all the words to do with wanting to throw in the towel, apply here.

Now take that to a whole new level.

As a caregiver who is also a giver of care to a family member with serious healthcare needs, or monumental disabilities, exhaustion knows no bounds. In fact, that kind of exhaustion requires a whole new definition. I recently had the opportunity to spend six months with a stricken family member, at the bedside nearly every day. Examining the boundary between nurse, and family. Caregiver and cared for. Believe me, I had to take a hard look at myself. Here’s why.

Nurses particularly can suffer burnout when providing care on both ends of the spectrum. Work and home. It is hard enough to care for healthy family members, and sometimes, still maintain professional engagement. Step into the role of caregiver, giving care, and the roles blur. Burnout express. So how can burnout be avoided, or remedied?

Avoiding Burnout

The answer for me was deep introspection and acknowledging I was at risk. I took the opportunity to interview people in just those situations. Caregivers. But also, care receivers. A source of expert guidance came in the form of insights from those REQUIRING care as well as those giving.

Consider those who are dependent on others for their most basic healthcare, and other needs, are uniquely informed. Some of these folks want to help remedy burnout with insightful observations. Aside from simply caring, there are very good reasons for wanting to help find the cure. When unhealthy people, or those who are unable to care for themselves, see caregiver burnout, the impact of impaired caring, along with the fear it can generate, equals a double whammy. Imagine you, waiting to be fed, changed, moved, transported, medicated. I.E., completely dependent on the care of others. Now, consider fearing that your caregiver will no longer be able, or even want to provide your care. Nightmares are the result for people who are dependent on others.

These are the insights and recommendations of folks in exactly those kinds of situations.

1- Prioritize

All the busy stuff… Ugh. The list seems never-ending. Caring for the caregiver (yourself) begins with recognizing essential tasks, those that cannot wait, and scheduling these before anything else. Keep the routine as simple as possible. Rather than frantically running from thing to thing, spread tasks out over the day, leaving plenty of time-gaps in between. One contributor, Mr. H, shared a saying he believes has been a guiding factor in his life. Leave room for the tomcat to go through the fence with his tail straight up. Quite a picture, isn’t it? In other words, leave gaps of time between tasks for either resting, doing something you love, or plugging in other, less critical tasks. But cluster sparingly…don’t stuff! When adding additional tasks, consider maximizing the time or the trip. Combine less critical tasks into one chunk of time, or one drive into town. Plunk that task cluster into Only ONE block of unscheduled time. But also, minimize multitasking. This sounds like a contradiction, but it is not. More can be achieved at a slow steady pace, than a frantic flurry, especially when exhaustion is already looming. Pace yourself. Prioritize downtime, as much as you prioritize the tasks.

This leads to suggestion number two.

2- Give yourself permission to rest

Quit hovering! Mrs. H says that she dives into her rest time and just vegetates when she is not providing direct care. But then, she feels guilty for not attending to more of the things on her ‘should’ list. I call this a reboot. Like sleep, taking time to shut down and letting our brains wander can be an essential part of health. Some of us drive ourselves so very hard, that reboots never get a chance to happen, and the consequences can be dire. Think of a computer freeze. We are much more complex than computers but freezing is part of our reality, too. It looks like panic, depression, anger, exhaustion. So, throw those ‘shoulds’ in the garbage. Recognize that all those things niggling in the back of your mind will still be there when there is time for them. If there never is time, well, that does not constitute a failure or an emergency. That means they ‘shoulda’ not been on your ‘should’ list in the first place. Who needs shoulds? Get rid of that list! Or write that list, tuck it in a bottle, screw the lid on tight, and throw it into a rapidly flowing water source. (Toilet?)

3- Accept help

Mrs. C says advocacy goes both ways. Advocate for yourself, the same way you do your charge. Seek respite. When help is available take it. Don’t wait for it to be offered. Speak up. Let your needs be known. Mr. C says that actively mitigating his needs, not being demanding, and sticking to a schedule are critical. He is very cognizant of the need for his caregiver’s downtime. He respects and promotes that downtime by organizing his needs, and then staying the heck away from his caregiver when that rest time comes. He says it is okay to expect that to be the norm, not the exception.

Mrs. J stated that for her, the biggest hurdle is depression. Depression is a sign of burnout. The suggestion? Recognize depression. Know what it can do, and what it leads to if not checked. Seek respite. Allow for a new normal. It is okay that everything has changed. But, if there is a way to incorporate old pastimes, make that a goal. Protect the old normal as much as possible. And along the way, create new norms that give you pleasure. Such as, discovering a new interest, and pursuing it. Sounds easy, but this actually requires a conscious decision about seeking mental and emotional help, by focusing self. And when depression continues to drain your energy? Seek professional help. OR do both, at the same time!

4- Listen to your own good advice, caregiver

Chances are, if you are reading this, you are a Nurse or another variety of professional caregiver. And hey, you went to school to learn all this stuff. You did. And you even remember it at key moments when your patient or family member needs to hear it. Now, start that practice with yourself. Look in the mirror (literally) and say, “I am going to take care of you.” It requires honesty, being kind to yourself, and giving yourself permission to come first, on a regular basis. Even if that is only in five-minute increments to take a walk, spend a few minutes in Downward-Facing Dog, or call an old friend and catch up.

Do it. Care for your caregiver. Care for yourself.

2
Up Vote Up Vote ×
M. Lee RN

About M. Lee RN, BSN

Michelle Lee, RN BSN is a nurse who specializes in pediatrics, case management, and nursing education. She is a writer, who loves the profession of nursing, as much as she loves writing! Thanks AllNurses!

2 Articles   4 Posts

Share this post

Share on other sites
Specializes in New Critical care NP, Critical care, Med-surg, LTC.

A good reminder, but I think that in your audience there are many of us that just don't feel programmed that way. Stepping back and prioritizing yourself is important, and like you said, we can talk the talk to our patients and their families. We encourage loved ones at the bedside to go home because it's just as important that they get rest. We don't walk the walk, though.

I'm no martyr and I don't think I'm better than anyone for working too many hours and sometimes misprioritizing work over time for myself or my family. I'm a work in progress when it comes to doing stuff for me. I've just recently given myself permission to sit and read on my days off. (and I read just fun stuff- I finally got around to Harry Potter and most of my reading is teenage level adventure stuff.) And I don't feel guilty anymore for my husband taking care of dinner most nights. Baby steps in the right direction.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. 

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Occupational Health Nursing.

We must also learn how to set boundaries to avoid burnouts and exhaustion. It could be hard at times especially if we need to say "NO" but practice makes perfect, we can't use up all our energy for all the "YES" that could have been a "NO".

3
Up Vote Up Vote ×

Leaving nursing forever is GREAT self care!

1
Up Vote Up Vote ×

Very well written article! 

"minimize multitasking" - this is so difficult to do because we have to multitask to SURVIVE in the workplace! We are masters of efficiency and have a hard time turning it off at home. we can get so much done if we just keep pushing!

Setting boundaries is huge! Sometimes this results in a lower performance review, but who cares? You have to change jobs to get a pay increase anyway!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Add a Comment