I'm looking for some advice, if anyone could share, I would be grateful. I'm 31 years old, and was dx'd with BP years ago after a stay in hospital. My moods have been stable ( within reason, as in, not life altering) for the past few years. Largely due to the part that I stopped drinking a few years ago. ( which I know was making my illness so much worse.)
I am usually able to stay on top of things, and if I feel myself getting out of sorts, I go see my doctor. However. I just realized the other day ( after basically doing some really stupid things the previous night) that I have been full out manic for the past month or so. My house is literally disgusting due me not doing any housework, I have spent all my money ( including savings) without paying a single bill, I've been talking, talking, talking, to the point that people have let me go on the phone and then I would turn around call them back to keep talking, I have been hooking up with men that I would normally have nothing do with, racing thoughts, unable to focus, went three days without eating, have only been sleeping here and there.. just full out blown mania. And of course, half the time that I was talking people's ears off, I was talking about how awesome I was and truly believing it.
I did have a moment of clarity about three weeks ago, and called in sick to work for the week. I hadn't taken any sick time up to that point ( however, we are a new facility that's only been open since November).
I went back to work last Mon and Tues, overnights. This was after I had realized that I was manic, and didn't think I should call in sick again. It was a disaster. Pt's were asking me for pain meds and I was forgetting to go to them. I was talking, talking, talking with the residents about my personal life, laughing, not focusing, I wouldn't be surprised if I made a med error, my mind was all over the place. I don't even want to think what my charting was like.
I called in sick for my three overnights this weekend. I was too worried that I would make a mistake, as I was still having trouble focusing, and still feeling the need to keep moving ( I have walked literally miles this weekend).
I'm guessing I'm going to be let go due to attendance issues, but maybe not, we'll see. I'm scheduled for overnights on wed and thurs of this week...I want to call in the morning and tell them I won't be able to do them. Even though I'm feeling MUCH more grounded right now, I'm worried that staying up all night both nights will just throw fuel in the fire and I'm either going to crash or my mania will increase.
I guess I'm just wondering what someone else do in my shoes..call in sick and risk the consequenses of missing so much time, or just plow through the shifts knowing I'm not mentally well right now. I'm thinking of my job performance, and of the residents when I stay home. And truthfully, I would rather be let go due to attendance issues, and have people talk about me at work for missing time, rather than be fired because I did something bizarre at work, or made a major mistake. Also, I`m a single mother ( so I have to think about my son, and what his home environment has been like for the past month), and I Actually SLEPT this weekend, and I don`t want to risk throwing every off by doing those overnights. I know that what has most likely set off this past round was the overnights I`ve been working ( but maybe not, because I`ve always done overnights in my rotations)..but even if they weren`t the cause, they certainly won`t help things right now.
Free2Bme is right. Your first priority is safety for you & your son. Please call someone to watch your son & check yourself in tonight. This isn't a failure for you - it is the first step to getting your life back in your control. And if your job is your main worry right now, the good news is that checking yourself in tonight might also save your job - even though that isn't the most important thing right now. What I'm saying is, don't let fear of losing your job keep you from getting help!
Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
Right now, Having FMLA or not, does not matter. Your health is your first priority, then your son. Get someone to watch your child and admit yourself into a hospital, immediately. Your actions are life threatening and your disease process is out of control. You need help you can't give yourself, so please before something bad happens, use the little control you do have and check yourself in tonight. Good Luck! Peace!
Before folks call me a drama queen, reread her post. Besides the obvious dangers of her disease, her reckless behavior is quite disturbing and can put both the OP and her son in serious danger. Peace!
I agree. OP, if you have the knowledge and critical thinking to question your behaviors and come here looking for support, you have the wherewithal to go into the hospital voluntarily and get this taken care of. It may just be a medication tweak, more intense watching for reckless behaviors, whatever, but it's true that you can't handle this by yourself right now.
thank you for the replies. I am glad that I called in sick, if I think about patient safety. I wish I had thought things through better though, and called in sick ahead of time, rather than on a daily basis this weekend, but I guess I was hoping that I would feel better each day.
I was discharged from mental health last fall ( because I`m doing so well! haha). I was referred when I moved to this city last year..the psychiatrist didn`t think I needed intensive treatment, and we gradually took me off my meds ( and I was doing well then, and have been, so at that time I was happy about that and agreed) Obviously, it didn`t work out well for the long term. Now I know. I will make an appt with my family doctor to get a referal for another intake...and see if she can help with maybe going back on my medications. It can take anywhere`s from a few days to a few weeks to get into my family doctor, and she`s an hour and half away, not the easiest task to get to her as I don`t drive, but I will figure out a way. My plan for today is to go and see a doctor at a walk in clinic. Not they can do anything, but maybe at the very least I can get a medical note for work, to hold me over until I can see someone at mental health or my family doctor.
I didn`t handle the calling in sick well, but I haven`t exactly handled anything properly this past month. I am coming down from this episode. I didn`t go to the hospital, only because I think where I have an awareness I don`t think I`m going to continue on with the nutso reckless behaviour ( like I said before, I didn`t even realize anything was out of the ordinary until a few days ago).....but like I also said, I don`t want to do overnights this week, because I don`t think staying up all night two nights in a row is going to do anything to help anything. I`m still can`t focus on anything though, and I`m still having racing, repetitive thoughts, so I don`t think work is the place for me right now.
I need to worry about my job and finances after I get my mental health sorted out. The last time things got this out of control the whole thing ended with a suicide attempt ( during which I was home with my son). That was 7 years ago, and I told myself I would never put myself or my son through something like that again...so I am feeling very defeated and ashamed right now, as well as feeling like the worst mother and nurse. And when I`m mentally well, I know I actually do a very good job at both of those things...and I don`t want to lose my nursing license or do anything that can endanger or even just confuse my son.
I would definately go the route of FMLA. It's an illness just like any other illness and I work with a nurse who has done this for BP. I wouldn't keep coming back to work internittently like you've been doing... if you need a month off, you need a month off.
Specializes in General adult inpatient psychiatry.
Please, I don't think that waiting up to two weeks to see the family doctor is going to help. I'm sure that your insight into your illness aids you in seeing control but this got out of control - you were sick - I think you need to be evaluated by a doctor NOW. I would highly recommend going to your local ER, preferably connected to a hospital with a psych unit. I think you can't trust your judgment and that it's still impaired. I don't want this to become upsetting to you, but I don't think you'd advise a patient to go so long with symptoms of illness without medication or treatment of some sort, so why you?
I didn`t handle the calling in sick well, but I haven`t exactly handled anything properly this past month. I am coming down from this episode. I didn`t go to the hospital, only because I think where I have an awareness I don`t think I`m going to continue on with the nutso reckless behaviour ( like I said before, I didn`t even realize anything was out of the ordinary until a few days ago).....but like I also said, I don`t want to do overnights this week, because I don`t think staying up all night two nights in a row is going to do anything to help anything. I`m still can`t focus on anything though, and I`m still having racing, repetitive thoughts, so I don`t think work is the place for me right now.
I don't think this is a good idea. I'm glad that you're acknowledging the problem, but I think you're minimizing your symptoms and your immediate need for treatment. I would recommending looking up NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness) and finding a hotline/warm line/crisis line or mental health evaluation unit and talking to someone about your symtoms immediately.
Please. You can't afford to keep calling out of work like this, financially or emotionally. I'm actually surprised no one has asked this, but what are you doing during your time off?
Two weeks ago when I was off, I basically ran out around town, left my son with sitters, and made a fool of myself. I did not do anything I SHOULD have done, but that was then and this is now. This weekend I SLEPT, and talked to my friends who no surprise had noticed I have been acting strangely and wanted to talk to me about it.
My son is actually home sick from school today with a `sore stomach'. I think the sore stomach may have more to do with overhearing some conversations this weekend more than anything else. He also told me he's upset and angry with me right now, which breaks my heart.
I don't think the ER is the place for me, I'm not trying to minimize things. I have gone in the past in situations like this, and after spending all day talking to people, they set me up with a referal for an intake for mental health, and I"m going to go the clinic and see if it can be done through them rather than waiting all day at ER.
Also, admitting myself into hospital isn't an option without planning ahead, as I am a single mother, and have no family here, and my friends all have jobs and their own families, and I can't realistically expect any of them to take on my son without notice, even getting him to school would be a logistical nightmare.
A mental illness is an illness so calling in sick is fine. You need to see your psychiatrist and might need to adjust your medications. Sometimes it's as simple as upping your meds for a few days until you get back to baseline. As someone who suffers from this illness I know that when you really need help that's when you really don't want to go get it.
How long have you been on night shift? I attempted to work a 3p-3a shift and within two weeks I was out of my mind. I had to tell work that I needed to work days or I would have to quit or go part time (if possible). I was so bad I thought I might have to go inpatient. At that point I hadn't found the right medication regimen but I found a psychiatrist (I had just moved to another state and started this new job), got a prescription for Seroquel, and felt normal in about a week. I also got a doctor's note about not working the night shift and work was able to find me a day shift.
I reread your post. Are you not taking medication? Bipolar disorder isn't something that will just go away. Just like diabetes or seizures you need to be on medication for the rest of your life.
well, I just got a very nasty email from my nurse manager. She wants me to come in for fours day today to finish a shift. One of my concerns through all of this is that our unit is poorly run, and there have been several situations where my nurse manager has discussed personal issues of other staff with nurses on the floor ( I have witnessed it, she has called me into her office to gossip about a PSW and tell me what she thought about her sick leave).
So I am very hesitant to explain to her what is going on. I do realize that I have left them short staffed. I feel horrible about that, but I REALLY don't think I should be working right now.
I sent her an email that said I was sorry, I realize I have left them in a situation that is not good, but I am sick and cannot come into work. I have an appointment with my doctor for thursday, and I told my nurse manager in the email about my appt, but I would not be into work before then, and if she wants, I can call her then to discuss me coming back to work or not.
So, I think it's safe to say that I am more than likely unemployed at this point.
What a mess I have managed to get myself into this time.
No, I am not currently taking medications. I was taking seroquel up until October, and it worked very well for me. This is what I would like to try again.
I have a past history of alcohol abuse ( I am a recovered alcoholic) and the psychiatrist I was seeing in the fall decided that all my mental health issues were due to drinking and he thought that if wasn't drinking I would be fine. We did not have a good rapport, and I was feeling fine at that point, so I didn't share everything with him. And also, I mean at the time, I had a doctor telling me he thought that's what it was, and I was glad to agree with him and think, well things are better now.
This most go around though shows that alcohol was the sole factor, and I think it's safe to say that I need to get back into treatment and on medications.
No, I am not currently taking medications. I was taking seroquel up until October, and it worked very well for me. This is what I would like to try again.
I have a past history of alcohol abuse ( I am a recovered alcoholic) and the psychiatrist I was seeing in the fall decided that all my mental health issues were due to drinking
The biggest issue with mental illness is compliance..... take meds very regularly, take sleep and meals very regularly......... and it is a recovering process:heartbeat
You must be worried so much right now because of your manager's email. When you go to see a doctor, make sure to ask to fill out a FMLA form. By submitting that paperwork, you are protected for the position. At least, you don't need to worry about calling in sick. As somebody said earlier, you might be able to work shortly once you restart on meds. I hope you can find a good psychatrist for you. Good doctor and FMLA.... maybe your top of the priority list...besides taking care of your son.
AJPV
366 Posts
Free2Bme is right. Your first priority is safety for you & your son. Please call someone to watch your son & check yourself in tonight. This isn't a failure for you - it is the first step to getting your life back in your control. And if your job is your main worry right now, the good news is that checking yourself in tonight might also save your job - even though that isn't the most important thing right now. What I'm saying is, don't let fear of losing your job keep you from getting help!