Okay, I know many are about to jump on here and say, "NO!!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!" but first, hear me out.
First, let me be clear that I have NOT acted unprofessionally in any way in this situation. Now, let me give you the scenario:
I'm a 24 yo single male staff nurse in my third year. For the last 4 days, I've been caring for a 20 yo female patient with viral pneumonia. She expressed to me that she was feeling very alone because she's a college student and her parents live more than 1000 miles away and she has no family in the area.
So, naturally, I made a point as part of her care plan to visit her whenever possible so that she might not feel so alone. Well, she clearly likes to talk. I would pretty much simply say hello and ask how she's feeling and she just talks and talks, even with the pneumonia! I actually haven't disclosed a whole lot about myself, certainly no more than I would to any other patient, but in my conversations with her, it is absolutely amazing how much she and I have in common. She has the most infectious smile.
In the last two days, it's becoming apparent that she may have a similar interest in me. A couple other nurses on my wing have told me that she's been asking when I'll be around. Also yesterday she felt the need to tell me about her past relationships with guys and how they never seemed to care much about anything but themselves and how she hasn't dated anyone since last winter.... you know, the typical "Hey, I'm available, hint, hint" discussion. I'm about 80% sure that she's hoping I'll ask her out just by the hints she's dropping.
Now before I go further, let me make it known that yes, I've had several other young female patients before, a couple of whom I must admit were probably more attractive than this young lady. And yes, I know about the concept of transference. And I'm experienced enough to understand and feel the typical nurse/patient connection that develops. This isn't that.
Now, back on track. I have NEVER expressed these feelings toward her in any overt way, or even to my co-workers. I have not given her undue time that I wouldn't give to another patient. She doesn't even know for sure that I'm single, unless another nurse has told her that, which I doubt.
I've decided that if all possible, I'd like to ask this girl out AFTER she is discharged either Friday or Saturday, but I'm not sure what my options are. I could either say in my last visit with her, that it would be nice to talk to her again some time, but I don't think that's the right approach. Should I talk it over with our ethics adviser? She's very busy and that just doesn't seem like the right way to go either. Writing down her phone number from her records and calling her after discharge certainly wouldn't be ethical.
Another possibility is that I am most likely to be the one to wheel her to the exit on her discharge. Perhaps that might be the right time to speak to her briefly about possibly getting together for coffee or something, because as soon as she gets out of that chair, she's technically not my patient anymore. The last possibility is to not say anything and instead look her up at her school some time next week. That might be the best option.
I just don't want to be thinking back saying "what-if" 20 years from now. You just don't get a lot of chances at happiness and after dating plenty of girls, I just have a strong feeling she might be the one for me. Either way, I've got to find out. Thanks for reading.
How in the world has this thread made it for 11 pages without getting moved to the breakroom? Usually all "non-nursing" related topics are booted asap.
Please do not start this you dont know me as I don't know you... I was trying to make nice. Enough is enough.
Salt, calm down. It was meant as a joke. It's all moot anyway since she ended up making the move, not me. I'm not a bad guy. Really! Just wait, in a different thread, I'm sure we'll be best buddies!
As I found your accusation I was calling you Shallow Hal completely uncalled for... I was on your side, I was rooting for you, I was thrown off by the identity discrepancy and trying to point out a side no one had yet addressed. I wish you well.
Salty, I never said you called me a Shallow Hal. I merely said that I wasn't in case that was what you were thinking. Going back and reading, I'm really not sure why you took that personally.
Salt, calm down. It was meant as a joke. It's all moot anyway since she ended up making the move, not me. I'm not a bad guy. Really! Just wait, in a different thread, I'm sure we'll be best buddies!
See how easy it is to take something innocent out of context (ie. cute girl)... I do not think you are a bad guy, I think you and I had a misunderstanding. I have already tried to amend things with you (several times) and have been met with mockery...
See how easy it is to take something innocent out of context (ie. cute girl)... I do not think you are a bad guy, I think you and I had a misunderstanding. I have already tried to amend things with you (several times) and have been met with mockery...
I didn't mock you. But if you are unwilling to let bygones be bygones, then it may be best to add each other to our respective ignore lists, if that's what you prefer.
I didn't mock you. But if you are unwilling to let bygones be bygones, then it may be best to add each other to our respective ignore lists, if that's what you prefer.
I saw your SF comment as rude and mocking, as I'm sure you know it is difficult to judge sarcasm online... I have tried to let bygones be bygones, I am calling a truce.
I saw your SF comment as rude and mocking, as I'm sure you know it is difficult to judge sarcasm online... I have tried to let bygones be bygones, I am calling a truce.
hmmmm...interesting thread with all the defensiveness and biting comments
so CRNATOB...I think it's clear you will hook up with this girl; I'm not here to say you should/shouldn't because it wouldn't matter if I did, anywho; but I'm curious; why does it matter to you whether she approaches you or you, her if you do not believe there is anything ethically wrong with dating a recent patient?
Specializes in Birth center, LDRP, L&D, PP, nursing education.
I reiterate posting on someone else's account, especially that led to an age discrepancy, is an action bound to raise eyebrows. Maybe it is not a big deal to some but b/c we don't know posters other than username & past posts, it legitimately raises questions about credibility. It is very easy to open an account.
I didn't see anything in Nurse Salt or Mary C's posts other than well-expressed opinions. I fail to see how 'cute girl'-more referring to her being attractive to the OP as a person rather than mere eye candy-is casting aspersions on the OP's character.
As to Mary C, she was clear about her position regarding nurse/pt relationship. Disagree with her if you will, but it is a thoughtful opinion, backed up by logic.
Thank you. I was just surprised that it wasn't shared by most of my peers!
Specializes in Birth center, LDRP, L&D, PP, nursing education.
hmmmm...interesting thread with all the defensiveness and biting comments
so bossfrog...I think it's clear you will hook up with this girl; I'm not here to say you should/shouldn't because it wouldn't matter if I did, anywho; but I'm curious; why does it matter to you whether she approaches you or you, her if you do not believe there is anything ethically wrong with dating a recent patient?
good luck to you
Exactly! I don't think it matters how they run into each other or if they wait a week. Dating a recent patient is dating a recent patient. It's not a co-worker's patient that you dropped a water pticher off with and then ran into later in life. It's YOUR patient you developed feelings for, continued to participate in hands on assessments and care; and then continued to accept into your shift assignment! I think it's ethically questionable, and not cute or romantic.
Specializes in Birth center, LDRP, L&D, PP, nursing education.
Same here. Mary C was just nasty.
I said it was disturbing and preying on a girl's (no matter if she is plain or hot) vulnerabilities, while we are in the role of a caregiver.
I apologize if you find it "just nasty". Nursing is a respected profession because aside from income, we do the grunt work, the hands on care and the critical thinking to assist doctor's in their treatment. We are the face that patient's see when they are unable to sleep in the middle of the night. We are the face they see when they are hurting and they can't get pain control. We pride ourselves on being the face of compassion. We call ourselves healthcare professionals.
I feel passionately about maintaining a therapeutic relationship where when can put the patient's best interest first, and once you have the desire to form a personal relationship... it is more difficult to protect their best interests without considering our own.
Clearly alternative opinions are unwelcome here, and again I apologize if my strong opinion was treading on toes.
shelly304
383 Posts
How in the world has this thread made it for 11 pages without getting moved to the breakroom? Usually all "non-nursing" related topics are booted asap.