Being assertive

[cuteinpinkNS, ASN, RN]

I'm a new grad nurse and recently have started my first RN job. I have been working on my assertiveness both personally and professionally. Anyone have advice on how to become more assertive?

[mad-mary]

I am not the greatest at this myself but I definitely pick my battles. There is a fine line between assertiveness and cranky (b....y). Try to place yourself in the other person's position and be kind about the way you approach your assertiveness. Remember, if it effects your patient's well-being or your license, it is a battle worth fighting.

[calljs15, ADN]

I think that it helps to simulate as if you are in a situation where confrontation may be present, and practice the words of choice you would want to use. It just comes second nature after awhile.

Give yourself a past situation where you wish you could've chose different words and practice that. Think about potential confrontations and think about the best way to get your point across without appointing blame or offending the other person, yet being firm enough that they know you are serious.

But keep in the back of your mind that some people have no idea the meaning of the word assertiveness. As long as you can get your point across tactfully, you've done well.

[BluegrassRN]

It seems to me that blunt, straight talking men are "assertive" but blunt, straight talking women are "b**chy". Why is that? Am I miss judging the situation, and this is actually not the case?

Just something to think about.

OP, I think you should look at those around you who you feel communicate in an effective manner, and then model your communication after them. That's what I do, and it works well for me. Although I do feel b**chy sometimes....but then I think, if George can talk to people like this and not have them give it another thought, then *I* can, too!

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

Take a class through a college--assertiveness training. It takes a whole lot--self-confidence, knowledge, reconciliation of roles...it's not an instant thing, unfortunately.

Good luck.

[A New Start]

The difference between being assertive and aggresive is the object of your discussion. If you are confronting a line of reasoning, or communication method, you are assertive. If you are attacking the person, you are agressive.

Example after a rude remark from a superior.....

Assertive: "Your tone of voice and body language indicate disrespect. I would like the same respect I show you"

Aggressive: "Back off Jack!"

Preceptor tells you to give an insulin injection without an Accucheck.

Assertive: "I need to understand the rationale of that before I can proceed."

Agressive. "You can't make me do that!"

Cool headed, respectful, and fearless speech mark assertiveness.

Name calling, threatening, attacking emotionalism mark aggressiveness.

Remember, you can always start over by saying, "I'm sorry. Let me say that more accurately."

You push and I'll pull, A New Start

[A New Start]

Also, don't mark your communication success strictly by the other person's reaction. Effective communication is like playing catch. It takes both parties to succeed. Just calmly take responsibility for your side. A New Start

[Flying ICU RN]

i'm a new grad nurse and recently have started my first rn job. i have been working on my assertiveness both personally and professionally. anyone have advice on how to become more assertive?

assertiveness and confidence go hand in hand, but takes time with experience gained. however, that having been said overconfidence to the point of being smug and elitist is quite unbecoming and unprofessional as well. a healthy balance is what is required to be perceived as both competent and assertive.

now mind you, being assertive does not automatically mean confrontation. i'll give you an example of "implied" or "reputational" assertiveness.

long ago i put a stop to nonsensical complaints behind my back to management about anything of a subjective nature by the party making such a complaint. at my request, i would be brought in to the office to "face" the complaint directly to calmly and eloquently offer my counterpoint. needless to say such complaints abruptly ceased.

that's assertiveness.

good luck to you!

[A New Start]

I respectfully disagree. You sound as if your attempts at assertiveness have not gone as well for you, as for some men you have seen. That rationale sounds like reverse sexism. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way.

Could you be judging your success by the other persons reaction? Even when successful, assertiveness can be unconfortable for all involved.

I'll agree that some people expect and accept some aggression from men (unfortunately). But I think the ladies have a great advantage when they interject loving correction. There is is left nothing to oppose.

If I didn't understand you, practice on me!

A New Start

[I see you RN]

I have a lot of self-confidence and have spent a lot of time thinking about my professional relationships, but I still find myself in situations where it is hard to speak up.

An easy short cut if it's a patient that you want to protect: what would I do if this were my child or my husband? I always keep the old saw that "you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar" in the back of my head, slap a respectful expression on my face, then speak on up. If it's what I'd want a nurse to do for my family, I do it. Imagining that it's my husband laying in that bed catapults me right past all of my doubt and embarassment.

I'm new on my unit, but I'm working on developing a positive reputation. If you have respect from your coworkers and professional associates your work of communication is going to be much, much easier. I keep my personal life to myself, distance myself as much as possible from office politics, make every attempt to understand what I'm doing before I'm doing it, and ask questions if I need to.

[Flying ICU RN]

I respectfully disagree. You sound as if your attempts at assertiveness have not gone as well for you, as for some men you have seen. That rationale sounds like reverse sexism. I'm sure you didn't mean it that

If I didn't understand you, practice on me!

A New Start

I assume this was directed at Bluegrass RN?

[BluegrassRN]

I don't know. I'm not quite sure I understand the reverse sexism comment. Perhaps it was not directed at me.

I'm very comfortable with my communication abilities, and I do understand the difference between assertive and aggressive behaviors and communication styles. I stand by my statement that assertiveness in women is not always accepted in the same manner as assertiveness in men. Of course that is a gross generalization, but in my experiences assertive women will often be described as "b88chy". I don't think that's acceptable and I do not agree with it, but I believe that is how it is.