Back into med surg after home care

[BlueSpruceDew, BSN, RN]

I have 4 years nursing experience. 1st year as a new grad was neuro med surg at a busy teaching hospital, did both nights & days. I moved 1500 miles from home for *reasons* after nursing school & did the only new grad program roughly around my new home. That year was really stressful but taught me a lot, I did my 1 year there and got out bc of the hour drive to and from. 
 

Then I did home care for about 2.5 years. It was good at first because it taught me to be independent & trust my own judgement & assessments, & become comfortable with trachs and vents. Didn’t really have to deal with Covid too much so that was a blessing. But then it got too easy and I knew I wasn’t growing or going anywhere with it. Actually it was too easy for about all of 2020 but I was lazy and complacent. 
 

now I’m back in med surg, at a small community hospital near me. I think I’m actually doing okay at it, 4 weeks of orientation & by the end of week 2 I was chomping at the bit to be on my own. MOST days I handle 5 patients just fine, still have plenty of questions (and googling) bc there’s a lot of med surg things I never really had to do for my neuro patients. 
 

sometimes I feel like I should be way more experienced than I am, with 4 years under my belt, and that makes me so glad I stopped home care when I did. Most nurses on my unit are cool & supportive, some try to make me feel small, I try not to sweat it. I don’t regret going into home care just because I see the path my life took and why God put me in that environment for a while, but I do NOT feel like a 4-years experienced nurse. I’m definitely not the overly-insecure question everything type, but sometimes I walk into work with that imposter syndrome feeling like “they really gonna let me take care of these people today?” LOL. 
 

I’m still learning something new every day. Doing good with time management most of the time but still making idiotic mistakes periodically as my brain adjusts to the new found responsibilities & protocols & just sheer volume of information. EXAMPLE: my hospice patient died today. I didn’t even feel emotion as I’m watching her take her last breath & mom sobbing because I’m internally going through the checklist in my head. Takes 5 calls to get through to Gift of Life because our phones were jacked up from a storm, had to call nurse supervisor, etc. Finally get that figured out, and now 2 other patients need their abx hung, it’s almost shift change, and my covid pt has BG 500 something. Deal with it all & have to pass on end of life care to night shift, that’s fine, mom is still in there anyway. Pt has been dead for about 2 hours now. Halfway through the drive home I realize THE FREAKING MORPHINE DRIP IS STILL INFUSING ????? just kill me please. I’m SO TIRED OF MAKING MISTAKES. I just want to go ONE SHIFT without feeling sheepish about something, or that little pang of bad feeling you get when you’re unsure about something. 
 

THANK YOU for reading my whining rant. 

[Davey Do]

9 hours ago, BlueSpruceDew said:

THANK YOU for reading my whining rant. 

Au contraire mon frère! Your post was a joy to read, BSD!

I felt as though I was reading a post from my temporal ancestor- me, several years ago!

We all hear our own Little Voice in our heads, for example, as we read posts and that Little Voice makes comments and critiques. Generally, my Little Voice said, "All this Nurse needs to do is to keep on keeping on!"

We are all human beings who are going to make mistakes, BSD, and you know that. But focusing on mistakes does not define you. What defines you is your perseverance and drive to do more and be better, WHICH YOU WILL! 

I reiterate what my Little Voice said: Keep on keeping on!

[Kitiger, RN]

12 hours ago, BlueSpruceDew said:

I just want to go ONE SHIFT without feeling sheepish about something, or that little pang of bad feeling you get when you’re unsure about something. 

It will come. ?

I remember when I learned to drive a car. The car moved so FAST! The other cars felt like an obstacle course! I had to remember all the traffic laws. I had to be ready to stop/yield/avoid some careless or aggressive driver/ etc.. It took real concentration. And nerve.

Now, I don't have to remember to turn on my turn signal; it's automatic. I know what to watch for, how to plan ahead for likely problems. 

Driving doesn't scare me, even in heavy traffic, or downpours, or icy roads.

Yeah, it takes longer with nursing, but it will come.