Atheists attending funeral services

[Angelica]

The thread asking atheists/agnostics whether they would be offended if someone prayed for them after their death made me wonder if any theists would be upset at the thought of an atheist attending their funeral service. I'm a Hospice nurse. I'm also an atheist. Obviously, I don't reveal that to pt's. After a pt dies I try to attend their funeral service if my schedule allows. I do it out of respect for the pt and family. I sit at the back of the church, but I don't get involved with the service. I wouldn't go, though, if I thought the family would be offended by my presence. Of course, I can't know if they'd be offended because I would not have told them I'm an atheist.

As far as theists praying for me after I die, I don't think I would care one way or the other.

[Angelica]

Angelica,

Is it hard being an atheist hospice nurse? I was interested in hospice but it seems like the hospice nurses I have come across so far (which have been few) have been very religous.

Do people ask you to pray with them and if so, how do you respond? Have you had any patient's that were atheists that you were able to reveal your nonbelief to (if they asked)?

The nurses I work with are pretty religious. I'm definitely the token atheist. We all get along great, though.

I have not been asked to pray with a pt/family. I do talk about God on occasion when I think it will be of comfort.

Hospice certainly would not be a good fit for an atheist nurse who is intolerant of religion. That's for sure.

[UM Review RN, ASN, RN]

If I refused to allow any but Christians at my funeral, many of my family members wouldn't be able to come! :chuckle

They all know I'm a born-again Christian and they all are aware that my funeral will be a singin', rockin', altar-callin', homecomin' celebration of life--both earthly and Eternal. If they can respect that, they're certainly welcome to join us.

[Katnip, RN]

I agree. Funerals are for the living. The dead don't care, whether you believe in an afterlife or not, those who have gone beyond us have also gone beyond worrying about material things.

This really was brought home to me while we were planning our son's funeral. I picked a burial plot that would give him a view of fireworks that are held throughout the summer, and in a section where there are a lot of people in his age group. Do I really believe he'll see those fireworks from the cemetery? Do I really believe he will be partying with those teens at night? No, of course not. It just made me feel better at the time, irrational though it was.

It didn't matter that of the nearly 300 people who came to the viewing, many were in jeans and t-shirts. It didn't matter what their religion, or lack of religion was.

What mattered is they came out of caring and respect for us and especially our son. THAT'S what's important.

[JBudd, MSN]

{{{{{{{{{hugs for your loss}}}}}}}}}}}

[JBudd, MSN]

My husband was a pastor. At his funeral I certainly didn't ask what a person's beliefs were when they came to pay their respects, I just appreciated the support. By all means go to your hospice pts funerals if you want to.

[URO-RN]

I agree that funerals are more for the living. They allow us to say good-bye....to celebrate someones life.

Whether one is an atheist or not , it should not preclude one from attending a funeral.

It is a time to say "good-bye"... and for those who believe that there is life after death... to say "I'll be seeing ya.."

[Celia M, ASN, RN]

Go, Pay ypur respects ,your patients families will be touched you cared and thought enough of the patient to attend and it will bring them comfort. Not all funerals are religous and they are for those who are left behind. I'd be happy for you to attend mine, but you'd have to be ready to party

[Farkinott, RN]

Angelica,

Is it hard being an atheist hospice nurse? I was interested in hospice but it seems like the hospice nurses I have come across so far (which have been few) have been very religous.

Do people ask you to pray with them and if so, how do you respond? Have you had any patient's that were atheists that you were able to reveal your nonbelief to (if they asked)?

Being an atheist doesn't suddenly mean you cannot be a kind, caring, spiritual nurse. Loving and maintaing humanity and human dignity is a basic tenet of the nursing profession.

I have worked in a palliative environment where one or two of my female colleagues were quite shocked that I am an atheist ("because you are so caring...")

If a patient asked me to pray for them I would be straight with them and tell them I am "an unbeliever". It doesn't mean that I won't be sending them positive thoughts in my own way. I just don't need a crutch to get on with my life in a wholesome, spiritual manner.

I have never been asked if I "believe" or not by a patient but I would tell the truth if asked.

[maythen]

I work for a Catholic hospital, and I happen to be Wiccan. I've only been employed a little less than a year and we seem to be working on a basic "don't ask don't tell" policy. I don't feel the need to push my religion on anyone else, and I don't do anything overt that would let people know that I'm not Christian. But I have had several co-workers get very pushy over religion, and several of my patients as well (all the pushy patients have been Mormon for some reason). I'm considering hospice when I get a few more years of experience under my belt. But, eventhough I rarely share the same belief system as my pt, I have read them passages from the Bible and prayed with them when they requested it.

My belief system allows for many forms of religiouse expression. If my patient is frightened, anxiouse, whatever... and hearing bible quotes or praying will ease them... I consider that part of my job. If I can do it and feel like I can handle it, then I do my best. But if it gets over my head I have no problem calling Spiritual Care serves in, I'm a nurse not a priest. But I also had no problem "banishing the evil spirit" that a Buddhist pt kept seeing in the corner near her closet. Being pagan sort of makes me an equal opportunity believer in soem respects.

But I've noticed in caring for the deceased that different nurses handle it in different ways. If I'm in the room and there's no family I speak to the deceased, sing softly to them, and in some cases have cried for them. But that's more for me than for them. And, I hope, if their spirit is still hovering about that they will understand I'm trying to honor them. I personally don't think they care if I'm Christian or not.

[lafemmefatale]

I just don't need a crutch to get on with my life in a wholesome, spiritual manner.

QUOTE]

I have to disagree with this statement. Faith, or religion for that matter is not a crutch.:balloons: