Assertive or aggressive?

[Gator,SN]

I had a dispute with a coworker and could not settle it so I utilized the chain of command and talked to my supervisor about it. When I went back to talk to the coworker, looking for resolve, she told me that my actions were aggressive toward her and she was angry.

Is this seen as aggression? I have never done it before, but I really felt that I was more assertive, than aggressive.

Is their some "rule" about this type of thing that I am not aware of?

Anyone have experience with this? Help!

Gator

[Agnus]

The difference between agressive, passivity, and assertion is that in being assertive you are showing absolute respect for both the other person and your self.

People are agressive when they are angry. Anger stems from fear, and or hurt. Both passive and agressive people feel a sense of powerlesness.

There have been times when I thought that I was assertive but when examining the situation in retrospect, I was agressive.

It takes practice. LOTS of it. Examine your motives and feelings at the time. You may have been behaving agressively. Sometimes our words alone are assertive but our tone, and body language is agressive. Attitude is everything.

Some questions to ask your self. (Not to be answered here)

Was there something about the situation that made you feel insecure? When you approached the supervisor were you acusatory?

By the same token you do not have to be assertive in all situations. It is even inappropriate in some situations.

Ok so don't talk to her unless it is work related. That sounds like a pretty simple request.

[Agnus]

The difference between agressive, passivity, and assertion is that in being assertive you are showing absolute respect for both the other person and your self.

People are agressive when they are angry. Anger stems from fear, and or hurt. Both passive and agressive people feel a sense of powerlesness.

There have been times when I thought that I was assertive but when examining the situation in retrospect, I was agressive.

It takes practice. LOTS of it. Examine your motives and feelings at the time. You may have been behaving agressively. Sometimes our words alone are assertive but our tone, and body language is agressive. Attitude is everything.

Some questions to ask your self. (Not to be answered here)

Was there something about the situation that made you feel insecure? When you approached the supervisor were you acusatory?

By the same token you do not have to be assertive in all situations. It is even inappropriate in some situations.

Ok so don't talk to her unless it is work related. That sounds like a pretty simple request.

[LaVorneRN]

You did better than me. I think you handled it just fine and if she wants to work as professionals only then she should behave accordingly. If she doesn't want to talk to you fine. As long as you can work together. That should be enough for you. You are not there to make friends anyway and this doesn't sound like someone I'd want to be friends with. This is another situation with someone who is has no respect for you but expects you to cower to HER aggressive behavior. She expected you to do nothing about it after you tried to resolve it with her. She's just mad because she didn't expect you to do anything. She has no repect for you. Ya gives none ya gets none. So...deal with her professionally and go about your business with a smile and good conscience. As far as school, the road you're on seems like yesterday for me. Your plate is full all the time and you don't need this mess. Stay focused and do your best. I wish you well and keep your head up. Peace and blessings!

[LaVorneRN]

You did better than me. I think you handled it just fine and if she wants to work as professionals only then she should behave accordingly. If she doesn't want to talk to you fine. As long as you can work together. That should be enough for you. You are not there to make friends anyway and this doesn't sound like someone I'd want to be friends with. This is another situation with someone who is has no respect for you but expects you to cower to HER aggressive behavior. She expected you to do nothing about it after you tried to resolve it with her. She's just mad because she didn't expect you to do anything. She has no repect for you. Ya gives none ya gets none. So...deal with her professionally and go about your business with a smile and good conscience. As far as school, the road you're on seems like yesterday for me. Your plate is full all the time and you don't need this mess. Stay focused and do your best. I wish you well and keep your head up. Peace and blessings!

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I agree with your desire to get report before taking responsibility for any patients. Besides, if you work in a system similar to mine the offgoing nurse has responsibility for any treatments or problems until 730 when report is over. So she should have had all the paperwork done and the pt transferred by the time you came out.

[canoehead, BSN, RN]

I agree with your desire to get report before taking responsibility for any patients. Besides, if you work in a system similar to mine the offgoing nurse has responsibility for any treatments or problems until 730 when report is over. So she should have had all the paperwork done and the pt transferred by the time you came out.

[Good_Queen_Bess]

I think you handled it in the best possible and professional way that you could. She was in the wrong and behaved inappropriatley. You were acknowledging you're own "limitations" in not knowing what to do with the patient and she just acted like a complete bunny boiler. Furthermore, you attempted to resolve this with her and still had no luck. The next step IS to go to your manager/mentor if you have a problem that you cannot resolve. You did the RIGHT thing Gator. This other nurse may have had a bad night and we all "snap" at each other from time to time without meaning it, but she was just being pathetic, as she had had time to calm down when you approached her later. She also had no right to shout at you in front of others as this is also extremley unprofessional, to say the least. If she had a problem, she should have taken you aside.

Unfortunatley, when I was a student, I had a mentor who was a complete *****, who I could never do anything right for. She had a reputation as a nasty person to students and used to humiliate me infront of patients/relatives/other nurses. I used to go home crying sometimes and wanted to quit. I went to her manager, but nothing was done. I just "stuck it out" until I left that ward and eventually qualified. I wish I had taken it further as this woman made every student's life hell. Unfortunatley, we all have bad placements in our training (and when qualified) at some point and encounter people who you can never please.

[Good_Queen_Bess]

I think you handled it in the best possible and professional way that you could. She was in the wrong and behaved inappropriatley. You were acknowledging you're own "limitations" in not knowing what to do with the patient and she just acted like a complete bunny boiler. Furthermore, you attempted to resolve this with her and still had no luck. The next step IS to go to your manager/mentor if you have a problem that you cannot resolve. You did the RIGHT thing Gator. This other nurse may have had a bad night and we all "snap" at each other from time to time without meaning it, but she was just being pathetic, as she had had time to calm down when you approached her later. She also had no right to shout at you in front of others as this is also extremley unprofessional, to say the least. If she had a problem, she should have taken you aside.

Unfortunatley, when I was a student, I had a mentor who was a complete *****, who I could never do anything right for. She had a reputation as a nasty person to students and used to humiliate me infront of patients/relatives/other nurses. I used to go home crying sometimes and wanted to quit. I went to her manager, but nothing was done. I just "stuck it out" until I left that ward and eventually qualified. I wish I had taken it further as this woman made every student's life hell. Unfortunatley, we all have bad placements in our training (and when qualified) at some point and encounter people who you can never please.

[litepath]

~~yeah Gator,

You did do the right thing and it appears went the extra mile to attempt to accomodate her behavior.

But you were far from aggressive and appear accomodative in your response.

Many people do not understand assertiveness, and therefore confuse it with aggression. And that probably derives from so many not understanding how to be assertive without being aggressive.

[litepath]

~~yeah Gator,

You did do the right thing and it appears went the extra mile to attempt to accomodate her behavior.

But you were far from aggressive and appear accomodative in your response.

Many people do not understand assertiveness, and therefore confuse it with aggression. And that probably derives from so many not understanding how to be assertive without being aggressive.

[Jayne LPN]

ALL I CAN SAY IS WHAT A B!TCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Jayne LPN]

ALL I CAN SAY IS WHAT A B!TCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!