Are masturbation jokes allowed?

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Arnold is 82 and having some prostate problems. After examining him, the doctor gives him a specimen jar and says, "Take this home with you and try to produce a semen specimen. Stop by tomorrow and drop it off so I can run a few tests."

Harold takes the jar and heads home. The next day Harold comes in and asks to speak with the doctor. When he is taken into the office the doctor asks how he made out.

"Not good, doc." Says Harold. "I went home and tried to do what you said. I tried with my right hand 'til it was cramped from the arthritis...no luck. I tried with my left hand until I had blisters- no luck. I asked my wife to help me out, so she tried with her left hand and with her right hand ...no luck. She even tried with her mouth. She tried with her teeth in and she tried with her teeth out-no luck. Then we called Edna next door to see if she could help."

"Good God man!" exclaimed the doctor, "You asked your neighbor to help you?"

"Yep" says Harold. "Couldn't none of us get the lid off that jar."

[This message has been edited by bshort (edited April 03, 2001).]

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Specializes in LDRP; Education.

Speaking of sexual encounters/jokes:

I once had a patient who was in her mid 20's who came in for labor induction. It was her first baby. Naturally her husband was there with her. All was going well...I had to enter her room at least every 15-30 minutes to assess her labor pattern and dosing, etc but despite that thought they could get away with some oral sex.

I knock on the door as I'm entering, as I always do, and lo and behold, there my patient is with her husband's member in her mouth! She quickly withdraws and there her husband is "standing at attention"

They asked for forgiveness and explained "that they are really in love."

Needless to say I was quite embarrassed, and so was he!

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eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! HOW IN THE HELL CAN SHE OR HE THINK OF SEX WHILE SHE'S IN LABOR???!!??? I've heard similar stories of such things, but as of yet, THANK GOD, haven't personally had the pleasure!! Man, Susy...you should have gotten a raise (hah! pardon the pun) for that one!!

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i don't know, sounds like a touchy subject

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Specializes in LDRP; Education.
Originally posted by kday:

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!! Man, Susy...you should have gotten a raise (hah! pardon the pun) for that one!!

Kristina...now THAT is funny. My husband is laughing hysterically.....

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I am proud to be a nurse.

Bill

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Tell him to suck on her boobs it will stimulate Oxytocin.

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wowwww. a little selfish of the husband asking for oral sex during labor. I will remember that one though!

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Speaking of sexual encounters/jokes:

I once had a patient who was in her mid 20's who came in for labor induction. It was her first baby. Naturally her husband was there with her. All was going well...I had to enter her room at least every 15-30 minutes to assess her labor pattern and dosing, etc but despite that thought they could get away with some oral sex.

I knock on the door as I'm entering, as I always do, and lo and behold, there my patient is with her husband's member in her mouth! She quickly withdraws and there her husband is "standing at attention"

They asked for forgiveness and explained "that they are really in love."

Needless to say I was quite embarrassed, and so was he!

Tell him to suck on her boobs it will stimulate Oxytocin.

OH GOD I THINK I LOVE THIS WEBSITE.... :rotfl:

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