Published
I wrote this letter to a Triage nurse. I don't know her name as she did not introduce herself to me. I haven't decided what I am going to do with it...but I figured I would post it here to start. It's an interesting experience being on the other side of the gurney for a change.
Let me know what you think.
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I write this letter to the ER triage nurse who was on duty May 11, 2011 at a local hospital.
On that day I was taken to the ER by ambulance. I had experienced sudden neurological symptoms, was having trouble standing and walking and was very frightened even though I was trying very hard to stay calm. Anyone who's been in that situation knows how awful it is and how your mind races thinking up the worst case scenarios. I had chosen your hospital because I had been there in the past and know it to be an excellent hospital.
When you called me in (the ambulance attendants had to take a number and wait to be called) you sat down in front of your computer and started to take the report from one of the ambulance attendants. You barely looked away from your computer screen, and from my perspective didn't make eye contact with the ambulance attendant. You did not look at me or acknowledge me.
When you were done, I asked you if it was possible for me to go to the bathroom. You waved past the triage room towards the waiting room and said, "There's a bathroom over there, you can walk there."
My friend, who had accompanied me, responded, "But she's having trouble walking."
You responded, "That's not my problem. I can't go to the bathroom for her. There are wheelchairs all over the place."
The ambulance attendants helped me into a wheelchair and my friend took me to the bathroom.
You didn't know this at the time, but I will tell you this now....I am a Registered Nurse and have been for 26 years. I know what it is to be overwhelmed, overworked, undervalued, underpaid and frustrated. I know what it is to be stressed and I know how it feels to burn out. I've been there, done that and have the t-shirt so to speak.
I truly understand that your job can be difficult at best, But let me ask you something....how is all that my fault?
What did I, as your patient, do to deserve to be treated so rudely? Do you think I wanted to be there strapped to that ambulance gurney? Do you think I timed having my bladder being so full it was painful right for that moment? How much would it have cost you to turn to me and actually look at me? A nursing assessment consists of at the very least looking at your patient and not just relying on the report of the ambulance attendants. How difficult would it have been to simply tell me that you would get me a wheelchair once you were done? (There was one right next to my gurney) How difficult would it have been to crack a little smile? I wasn't asking anything complicated, all I wanted was to pee.
Remember, I am one of you. I too have been on your side of the bed and I too have felt the sting of the profession we chose. So I think it is safe for me to say, with some authority borne from experience that there is never an excuse for a nurse to treat his or her patient the way you treated me.
I'm writing this to put a voice to this problem. I know I'm not the only patient who's had to go through this or worse. Sadly, this kind of behaviour has become rampant. I see examples of that everywhere. Our current health care system with all its problems has put our profession is in crisis. The lack of funding, lack of resources and lack of staffing means that nurses are shouldering a huge burden. I get that! But our patients are in crisis as well and we are the professionals who are caring for them. That's why we are nurses, to care for people. Caring means kindness, not rudeness.
My friend, who is not a nurse, was aghast. She later told me that while we were in the triage room she witnessed another nurse yelling at a very elderly woman and dragging her down the hall by the hand. My friend was going to say something but was told by the ambulance attendant not to say anything because the nurse would "make a spectacle of her."
That is a sad statement considering we are talking about a profession known for caring. Have some of us really forgotten who and what we are and why we are doing what we do? Maybe we should all spend some time on "the other side of the gurney" for a change.
I do have to add one thing however, the ambulance attendants were phenomenal. They were caring, gentle, patient and knowledgeable...literally everything a health care professional should be and more.
Well, the OP hasn't been around for a while, I'm wondering if she ever sent the letter?
As others have mentioned, I think this is the sort of thing that should have been addressed in the moment. How difficult would it have been to draw the triage nurse's attention to her behavior by saying something as simple as "Gosh, has it been a busy day here today?"
As a nursing supervisor, I am sure the OP understands the importance of addressing problems when they occur, rather than letting things slide until they become a bigger problem.
Sending a letter such as this is really ineffective, passive aggressive, and, as has been demonstrated here, quite inflammatory. A more direct, assertive, and probably more effective approach would be to meet face to face with the nursing supervisor for that ED and discuss your concerns with him or her.
After spending all that energy this morning reading this entire thread in one sitting, I think there still are issues to discuss.The consensus regarding the nurse's comment is yes, most of us think it was rude.
But does it merit all this . . . hysteria?
This is exactly what bothers me about this and some other recent threads.
Some phrases that have been tossed around here include "if you had an ounce of compassion" "shouldn't be a nurse" "heartless" "should be fired" etc. etc. etc.
And yes, even the underlying premise that the OP, a nurse with medical knowledge, experienced the onset of initially ominous-seeming symptoms which subsequently resolved and turned out to be far less serious ... but her continued focus is on the perceived rudeness.
I'm perplexed.
This is exactly what bothers me about this and some other recent threads.Some phrases that have been tossed around here include "if you had an ounce of compassion" "shouldn't be a nurse" "heartless" "should be fired" etc. etc. etc.
And yes, even the underlying premise that the OP, a nurse with medical knowledge, experienced the onset of initially ominous-seeming symptoms which subsequently resolved and turned out to be far less serious ... but her continued focus is on the perceived rudeness.
I'm perplexed.
I pondered my use of the word hysteria all afternoon. But it means "excess anxiety" and that is what I noticed in many of the posts, especially at the beginning of this thread. It made me think of . . . .
My question is not whether the nurse was rude or not. She was rude.
But to contact the CEO, the local newspapers, etc., over this seems . . . . . over the top.
So, I'm perplexed about that too.
I pondered my use of the word hysteria all afternoon. But it means "excess anxiety" and that is what I noticed in many of the posts, especially at the beginning of this thread. It made me think of . . . .
My question is not whether the nurse was rude or not. She was rude.
But to contact the CEO, the local newspapers, etc., over this seems . . . . . over the top.
So, I'm perplexed about that too.
You are correct, of course, that this is yet another situation where hysteria can be less than helpful, and Ashkins had a good point about grace. We don't know that this wasn't an example of a good nurse having a very bad day. I know I've argued repeatedly that the nurse's behavior was indefensible, but indefensible is not necessarily unforgivable. I've done a few things that were indefensible, myself, and when I've been called on it, I've said (sometimes eventually), yes, you're right, I'm sorry.
Still, isn't there a substantial difference between arguing that a transgression is forgivable and arguing that it's insignificant, or not a transgression at all? Nearly every poster on this thread has agreed the nurse was rude, but then about half go on to explain why that was okay. Was it the end of the world? No. Was it a crime against humanity? Well, yeah, it was a bit of one, certainly not on a par with some others, but I just don't see how it was worthy of a nurse. Honestly, even just failing to acknowledge the patient during the triage seems pretty lame. And it wasn't just rude. It was indifferent. A number of posters have argued they'd rather have a rude nurse who knew her stuff than a nice one who didn't. I'm arguing that if you can't, or won't, respond appropriately to something as basic as a patient needing to pee, it's a pretty blind leap of faith to think you can run a code, or would, if the mood didn't suit you.
You are correct, of course, that this is yet another situation where hysteria can be less than helpful, and Ashkins had a good point about grace. We don't know that this wasn't an example of a good nurse having a very bad day. I know I've argued repeatedly that the nurse's behavior was indefensible, but indefensible is not necessarily unforgivable. I've done a few things that were indefensible, myself, and when I've been called on it, I've said (sometimes eventually), yes, you're right, I'm sorry.Still, isn't there a substantial difference between arguing that a transgression is forgivable and arguing that it's insignificant, or not a transgression at all? Nearly every poster on this thread has agreed the nurse was rude, but then about half go on to explain why that was okay. Was it the end of the world? No. Was it a crime against humanity? Well, yeah, it was a bit of one, certainly not on a par with some others, but I just don't see how it was worthy of a nurse. Honestly, even just failing to acknowledge the patient during the triage seems pretty lame. And it wasn't just rude. It was indifferent. A number of posters have argued they'd rather have a rude nurse who knew her stuff than a nice one who didn't. I'm arguing that if you can't, or won't, respond appropriately to something as basic as a patient needing to pee, it's a pretty blind leap of faith to think you can run a code, or would, if the mood didn't suit you.
The OP's story pretty much disproves that theory because the triage nurse, while not attending to her bathroom needs, got her where she needed to be in spite of her poor attitude (the nurse not the OP). All healthcare workers should do their best to be polite, attentive, empathetic, nice, professional whatevers but crucifying someone for once incidence of being rude is a bit extreme (and yes maybe the triage nurse is chronically rude but we don't know that).
"There's a bathroom over there, you can walk there." was the triage nurse's initial response which I can see as coming off as rude even if it wasn't meant to be and maybe the response given rubbed her the wrong way and she thought she'd respond in kind (even though she should have been more professional). I don't pretend to know what other people are thinking because I don't know what other people are thinking unless they tell me.
I know I've been screamed at because someone perceived me as belittling them or being rude. I'll never forget I was taking a medical history on a lady with MS and replied with a few okays or uh huhs to acknowledge I was listening and out of no where she started screaming, "HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME THAT WAY! HOW DARE YOU BELITTLE ME! DON'T YOU SPEAK TO ME LIKE I'M A CHILD!" something to that effect.
Everyone's jaw dropped because I was being nice and nothing about my manner was rude, although for whatever reason that's how the patient took it. I took a breath and without missing a beat I said "Ma'am it was not my intention to belittle or insult you and I apologize" Then she calmed down and said "Thank you, Now you're speaking to me like I'm an adult." Was I thinking lady I don't know what the f*** you're talking about but you need to calm the f*** down because you're acting CRAZY! Probably. My point being that had she not told me that she felt this way I'd never have known. I understand being sick is typically not when people are at their most assertive but by not addressing the behavior with the individual you're not giving her the chance to apologize (because most people don't want to be rude) and/or change her behavior because she might not even be aware that she upset you.
Wow...having just read this entire thread or as I have taken to calling it the circle of repeating the same comments by a few select posters, I have come to the conclusion that this thread is continuing because people apparently like beating a not only dead but badly mutilated horse. Anybody interested in forming a support group of readers who endured the entire thread?
(sacrasm applied there)...geeze come on you know that was funny...
Thank you for mentionong the "ambulance attendents". I am a Paramedic with 30+ years of pre-hospital experience. I see people on what may well be the worst day of their life even if it is not, seeing me is defiently not what they had planned for the their day when they got out of bed! I finished my ADN a year ago and am still lookiing for my first position in nursing. I have to say I have been concentrating on ED positions, however that has changed in the last couple of months. That having been said, even at 3:00am nearing the end of a 24 hour shift, I have never treated someone that has invited me in to their home to help them, the way you were treated in the ED. (although I have had many nurses treat me in that way when I tried to give them report on a patient, you just get used to it.) You should have taken the nurses name (if you didn't) and send this letter to the ED nurse manager, nursing administrator, PR dept., and the facility President. Their is no excuse for it. if you are having that bad of a day, clock out and go home. If it is not just that day, take a leave of absence, a long vacation, or just find another job! I hope the rest of your care was very much better and that you are well today.
I was thinking of this thread yesterday as we drove to see our daughter - it's a 2 1/2 hour trip and my husband and I are recovering from colds, a nasty chest rattling cough, and insomnia caused by said cough.
We were not in the best of moods and through out the day, we snapped at one another.
In other words, we were rude.
I kinda chuckled to myself and thought "I need to notify the local newspaper, my husband's boss, his parents, and CNN" of my husband's atrocious behavior.
And he needed to do the same to me.
Wow, I can't believe I read this entire thread. Maybe I can get a free t-shirt or something?
Anybody interested in forming a support group of readers who endured the entire thread?(sacrasm applied there)...geeze come on you know that was funny...
I agree - reading this entire thread in the last couple of days when it was already really long deserves some credit.
your letter is unbelievably touching and is unfortunately more common place behavior than it should be. i know i have experienced it as a patient, and it always left me dumbfounded as to why these people are nurses. nurses have such a critical role in how a patient responds to care that it just boggles my mind. i do understand being overworked, understaffed, and downright overwhelmed, but every patient should be cared with dignity and respect. i am rn nursing student and a career changer. let me first say that it was a career change by choice and a stirring passion that i am finally fulfilling. there are two instigators to this unacceptable behavior 1. nurses that have lost their passion and 2. people entering nursing because it seems to be "the thing to do" in today's challenging economy and they think that it is a sure thing (which it is not). nursing is a whole lot more than "employment". you see i don't even know if i am going to have a job but i am on my journey with eyes wide open because i want to help people. of all the ebn care that is available at the top of the list would be patient comfort, empathy, and comfort.
ps. to all of the nurses out there that are thinking... what is she smoking, and that i may be looking through rose colored glasses i say it may be time for you to rethink why you became a nurse in the first place.
SpEdtacular, MSN, RN, EMT-P
199 Posts
I don't know what she was looking for but in spite of a rude comment she was well taken care of which is the most important thing.