Hello all, I graduated May 2011, after numerous applications I got a job on the surgical unit with one of the teaching hospitals in town, YES I was excited and ready to give it my all, I actually worked as a tech on the same unit pending an opening for RN, I was offered Rn position just 1month later. I started off pretty good and confident that I was born to be a nurse, I took care of my pts geniuely from my heart, I always get thank you notes and how I will be a wonderful nurse from my patients. My orientation was 6weeks of which i did 3wks of both days and nights. After my day shift i started night with a different preceptor, we are both soft spoken so the communication between us wasn`t great, I didn`t get any feedback from her so I assumed I was doing okay though she tends to put me under pressure most of the time, from our interactions she expected me to know most of the stuff since it was my 4th wk of orientation, mind you, I was always assigned 6pts (comprises of 3CL blood draws, q1-2 flaps, 3pts constantly seeking pain meds, 2-3 isolations) and most of the time I have 3-4 total care as in NO TECH assigned. I never complained, I thought that was the orientation process. I am always on my feet running in circle all thru my shift, no time to get a drink or pee not to talk of eat. I alway try to squeeze a little bit of charting in here and there standing up, because I get dizzy as soon as I sit down, but still I was thankful to God I got a job and hoping it gets easier with time like everyone keep saying. The morning (5am with new orders flying in) before the end of my (2 shift in a row) night shift I was told I will have a meeting with NM, educator and my preceptor, I said okay but I was so exhausted, the night was a rough one for me, cried couple of time, suddenly my preceptor asked if I changed the TPN rate from 63mlX1hr to 84mlX14hr (which should have being changed like 10hrs ago), I FREAKED OUT AND SHUT DOWN immediately because I couldn`t remember changing the rate, she rushed into the pt`s room to check, while she was gone I was thinking to myself that was it, I will either get fired or quietly quit. She came back and said it was at the correct rate (First time in my life that I believed in GHOST, my dead grandma must have changed it). During the meeting, my preceptor told them most of the things i did wrong e.g I wanted to give a 50ml bp med to a pt with no running primary fluid, though i primed the line with NS but wasn`t sure if to start a primary line or not, while I was trying to figure it out she walked in and I asked if I should since the pt was discharged and i didnt want to waste any supplies, She calmly said I needed a primary line. I never knew that was a downfall for me (they told me to always asked if I wasn`t sure of what to do).After all said and done I was asked to speak, I couldn`t my throat was closed and couldn`t help but cried (worst mistake of my life), they so my weakness and they pounced on it. The NM told me right there that maybe that unit wasn`t for me, (all I could think was that even the NM doesn`t want me on the unit), to be fair on NM she told my preceptor to be considerate while assigning pts to me.I got home so depressed and frustrated with myself, I tried to reflect on my past shift and see what I can do better, of course everyone is now aware of the crying baby on the unit, my orientation was extended by 2wks and I switched back to day shift with a different preceptor, I still strongly belived that i can prove to them that I belong on the unit, I come in everyday though with my heart in my stomach but ready to give it my best. But my best wasn`t good enough because 1) I asked for help from my day preceptor when i had multiple task due at the same time, (that was interpreted as I can`t handle the stress on the very busy unit), 2) I don`t finish charting before 11am, ( are you kidding me, some nurses with only 3pts on the same unit finish charting from home after thier shift)Yes there were somethings I should have known, there were mistakes I made, but hey, I am only couple of wks old as a nurse. All I needed was a little be of time and some encouragement that I will surely get there.One shift into my 2wks extended orientation, we met and I was politely taken to the Nurse recruitment office to see if i can get to work on another unit with less stress, I am currently on the 3rd week of 4wks pay leave pending getting another unit within the same hospital. I am currently STRESSED and depressed as the 4wks is coming to an end with no job offer (I will officially be terminated after the 4wks). I have appling to everywhere both within and outside but no luck yet. Thanks for reading.