Am I overeacting???

[Deb123j]

My son is 12 1/2 and stays home during the day while I am at work. He'll get on the computer sometimes - but I can always get ahold of him via e-mail even though the phone line is busy. So...earlier today I tried for 1 1/2 hours to get a hold of him. I e-mailed him 3x's (no response), called numerous times (busy signal), and even sent several Instant Messages - all with no response. So...I borrowed my mom's car and ran over to my apt and he was sitting on the floor playing video games - aparantly he was doing that while the computer was on. So...I'm not to happy with him to say the least, which of course being a kid, he didn't understand.

However when I get back to work (my mom and I work at the same company) and tell my mom about it (I told him he was grounded from the computer and video games) she was irritated because she just rented a video games for him last night and now he won't be able to play it. Basically saying that I've totally overeacted.

What do you all think???

1) I was totally worried about him (he has asthma - he could be on the floor dying for all I knew

2) He could have left the computer on and went outside (not that I really think he'd do that, but.....)

3) I was totally freaked out because I couldn't get a hold of him.

So...was I overeacting???

[Paramedicated]

Most of you may think I am unkind or harsh, but I satnd by what i said. If he isn't responsable enough for you to leave him home alone for a few hours without a phone call, than he should still have a sitter.

If you do not feel you can trust him to handle the real world then why do you leave him alone?

I am not saying you shouldn't lay down rules and set check in times, but good lord, you paniced after an hour and a half than to release your fustration you punished him for a simple mistake.

If you put to little control on him he may run wild and become do illegal things however if you control him to much he may grow to resent you.

Balance...

Communication and compromise make any good relationship work.

[veteranRN]

I don't think you were overreacting but I think you needed to be more clear in your expectations of him. Telling him that you needed to be able to get a hold of him is not the same as telling him not to have the computer on if he is not using it. My teenagers sometimes have trouble following the rules if it is not spelled out clearly.

[tiroka03, LPN]

You are right in your feelings.

Trust in yourself.

It would be nice if the '50's were to return, and we could all live like ozzi and Harriet.

But fast forward to this decade, things are different than your mom's day.

Parenting via distance. Not easy, but do-able. I applaud your ingenuity to instant message. Great idea.

Take advantage of the electronics out there. An idea might be to install a video camera in your living room, or where ever he spends most of his daytime hours. This way you can take a quick peek when needed. You may find some peace in that.

Even though I have someone watch my 14 y.o. while I work nights, I have a camera, with her permission, in her room. I can see if she is sleeping or playing a video game or reading. It puts me back in the house, a little closer in touch. She says she actually likes the idea of me checking in on her at night, and blowing her a secret kiss.

Do what you have to do in order to feel good. You in the end are the responsible adult. Set the limits you need and follow through on them.

During the summer, it is hard for me, as I am asleep, and my dtr is awake. Since she has a problem with wanting to brush her teeth, I make her come into my room with a toothbrush in her mouth and wake me up to watch. If she doesn't - then the electronics are turned off the next day.

She has a phone whenever she is away from the house with autodial to home. She needs to wake me and tell me where she is going, and call when she gets there. It's not that I always sleep soundly, but you do all you can do and trust God for the rest.

[teeituptom, BSN, RN]

The times have changed

It used to be you couldnt get ahold of a child because they were out fishing, or playing sports or just being kids. Now you cant get ahold of them because they are on the computer or their cellphones.

a sad commentary

[veteranRN]

I remember leaving the house in the morning to go play in the creek or in the woods, only to return home to get some food. Now I'm afraid to let my kids play in the yard unsupervised. And I live in a rural community. Times really have changed. I don't know that getting them involved in computer and video games/TV is the answer though. maybe a good program with outdoor activities would be better. Sometimes the summer programs aren't too expensive. We wonder why we have overweight kids????

[Deb123j]

If he isn't responsable enough for you to leave him home alone for a few hours without a phone call

Unfortunately he's not home alone for a few hours - but 40.

Also unfortunately as I previously stated - there isn't much to do for kids here, and the few things that there are cost mega $$$ - I did what I could for 2 weeks. I know that 2 weeks isn't much compared to the whole summer - but when you're a single parent, sometimes that's all you can do.

It's a terrible shame that we as parents cannot trust "the world" and let our kids play like we used to. I used to spend the whole day outside playing and riding my bike. But unfortunately nowadays it's just not safe.

That's why when I get home we will go to the park, swimming, walk/ride our bikes to the library, etc. anything to get some exercise!