Am I overeacting???

RNPATL, DNP, RN · Jul 30, 2004

My son is 12 1/2 and stays home during the day while I am at work. He'll get on the computer sometimes - but I can always get ahold of him via e-mail even though the phone line is busy. So...earlier today I tried for 1 1/2 hours to get a hold of him. I e-mailed him 3x's (no response), called numerous times (busy signal), and even sent several Instant Messages - all with no response. So...I borrowed my mom's car and ran over to my apt and he was sitting on the floor playing video games - aparantly he was doing that while the computer was on. So...I'm not to happy with him to say the least, which of course being a kid, he didn't understand.
However when I get back to work (my mom and I work at the same company) and tell my mom about it (I told him he was grounded from the computer and video games) she was irritated because she just rented a video games for him last night and now he won't be able to play it. Basically saying that I've totally overeacted.
What do you all think???
1) I was totally worried about him (he has asthma - he could be on the floor dying for all I knew
2) He could have left the computer on and went outside (not that I really think he'd do that, but.....)
3) I was totally freaked out because I couldn't get a hold of him.
So...was I overeacting???

No, you were certainly NOT overreacting! I am in the same situation and my 12 year old as well as 13 year old both know that there is a certain amount of responsibility that comes along with staying home. One of those responsibilities is to be AVAILABLE when I call home. I call to make sure everything is ok. When I can not reach my house, I almost panic. So I totally understand where you are coming from and totally agree with you. My kids know that if they do not answer the phone and I need to leave work to come home and make sure everything is ok, that there will be some major consequences. :angryfire

Deb123j · Jul 30, 2004

Thank you for your response!!! I'm still fuming at him and her!!! Sometimes I wish I lived in a different state than my mom. She great sometimes, but other times...she just dosen't remember what it's like to be a parent of a child!!! :angryfire

Katnip, RN · Jul 30, 2004

You're the mom. The video game rentals are irrelevant. If your mom makes you feel guilty, you can offer to pay her back.

If your son knew what the rules were and broke them, then your word is law.

hypnotic_nurse · Jul 30, 2004

You did not over-react. Your mom can always rent him a videogame another time. How is he supposed to learn if there are no consequences?

RNPATL, DNP, RN · Jul 30, 2004

You're the mom. The video game rentals are irrelevant. If your mom makes you feel guilty, you can offer to pay her back.
If your son knew what the rules were and broke them, then your word is law.

Spoken like a women of great knowledge and understanding and I agree 100%. :)

truern · Jul 30, 2004

Depends...

Did he KNOW that you didn't want him playing video games while the computer was up tying up the phone line??

Or were you just panicky and upset at not being able to reach him??

If he knew, and only if, then I'd ground him....otherwise, we'd discuss my expectations and make sure he understood them.

He's not an adult, sweetie, he's BECOMING one....

MandyInMS · Jul 30, 2004

I agree with truesn...if you had discussed it with him before and he was aware about the tying up the phone line situation, he should have consequenses...on the other hand he's 12..and if it hadn't been discussed , it may not have even crossed his mind, and you 2 need to sit down and talk it over so he understands , and how it worries you/why when you can't reach him, and set some rules.

BittyBabyGrower, MSN, RN · Jul 30, 2004

I'd be ticked too. At almost 13 he should know that the computer needs logged off.

As for Granny...she'll live.

Have you thought about getting callwaiting? You can program the computer to be kicked off when a call comes in. We did that until we got cable.

Paramedicated · Jul 30, 2004

Yes you did, overeact.

Sounds like you are compensating for not being home for him all the time. you punished him for doing what he was told to do. he was in the house playing video games.

Further, you son most likely is responsable enough for you to leave him home alone, if he has a problem I am certain he will know to call you.

I suggest you ease up, by sitting on him for every little thing you may end up with a young man who can't make a decision for himself.

RNPATL, DNP, RN · Jul 30, 2004

Yes you did, overeact.
Sounds like you are compensating for not being home for him all the time. you punished him for doing what he was told to do. he was in the house playing video games.
Further, you son most likely is responsable enough for you to leave him home alone, if he has a problem I am certain he will know to call you.
I suggest you ease up, by sitting on him for every little thing you may end up with a young man who can't make a decision for himself.

A bit harsh don't you think? Do you have children? There are very few, if any programs out there for 12 year old kids during the summer. In addition, this parent has every right to be concerned and upset. Rules are made for the protection of the child. This is a scarey world today and yes, she had every right to be upset if the kid did not answer the phone or return her email. How is she to know that something did not happen to him. Trust me, I have been in her shoes and it is a panicy feeling to not be able to reach your child when you are at work.

It is a real shame when parents have no options but to leave their children home so they can work to support the family. The stress and panic that is involved with leaving children home so you can work is overwhelming at times. I know for me as a single father .... I had no options ... no local family, and no extra funds for child care. Thankfully, the YMCA did help a little, but after 12 years old ... there are few programs available.

Children who stay home need to know and follow the rules. It is for their own safety and this has to be stressed and made clear to the child. If the child fails to follow the rules, their personal safety is at risk. It is a scarey world out there. So, yes Mom ... you have every right to sit on him and demand that he follows the rules.

leslie :-D · Jul 30, 2004

if he was playing video games, was he in a position to even know you were emailing or im'ing him?

i mean, was he purposely ignoring you, or he just didn't know?

and they do have these services that show up as a windows box on the computer, letting you know that someone is calling......