Almost at the year mark, and still unsure...

ShiphrahPuah · Mar 17, 2009

I think we all have days that we feel like we are not what we aspired to be back when we were in nursing school. The patient loads and the push to be efficient are counterproductive to our desires to really connect with our patients and help them. You are right that often it boils down to a bunch of tasks you check off and hope you finish by the end of your shift, and sometimes you are just running like a chicken with your head cut off to do it it all. I am thankful for the days when I know I have made a difference to someone, but there is a huge personal distress that often hits me when I feel like I am just rushing around and barely doing the bare minimum since there is just not enough time with the patient load. I think the fact that you are worried that you are doing a sucky job shows that you are indeed a good nurse who CARES. If you really think how much you have learned in this past year, you will be astounded at how much you have grown. I know the economy is not great right now for job switching, but you are now an EXPERIENCED nurse, and maybe a change of units or hospitals would help. Congratulations for making it through your first year. That is something to celebrate!

nursealanarae · Mar 17, 2009

ShiphrahPuah:

Your reply meant a lot to me. Thank you so much! I needed that encouragement!

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · Mar 17, 2009

nursealanarae,

I could have written your post. You are not alone.

ANH_RN · Mar 17, 2009

It's amazing how certain nights can make you feel like a great nurse while the vast majority of them make you feel stupid. Small mistakes, forget to do this and that, screwed that up. Probably shouldn't have been a nurse -- these are all thoughts that go through my head constantlyyyy.. when will it all go away? I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and it's nice to know that I am not alone either. I just want to get this med-surg experience out of the way so I can move onto something different. med-surg busy busy tele is not my piece of cake. Hopefully I do not REALLY screw something up in the mean-time.

missninaRN · Mar 17, 2009

I'm right there with you-close to my one year anniversary but still feeling overwhelmed and wondering what I got myself into.

I hate the fact that documentation, transfers, discharges, and admits take up most of my time. I hate that my patients get so little of my time.

I try to remind myself that my patients have remained safe throughout every shift I have worked so far, that I did spot any changes in their condition that required rapid intervention, and that I left them in stable condition when I gave report.

I'm still trying to decide if this is what I really want to be doing. I'm wondering if I need to give it more than a year before moving on. I'm choosing to remain hopeful that I will become more competent and confident in my role as an RN as time passes, but I have to confess that I've also spent some time looking at massage therapy schools!

NeoNurseTX, RN · Mar 18, 2009

I'm right there with you-close to my one year anniversary but still feeling overwhelmed and wondering what I got myself into.
I hate the fact that documentation, transfers, discharges, and admits take up most of my time. I hate that my patients get so little of my time.
I try to remind myself that my patients have remained safe throughout every shift I have worked so far, that I did spot any changes in their condition that required rapid intervention, and that I left them in stable condition when I gave report.
I'm still trying to decide if this is what I really want to be doing. I'm wondering if I need to give it more than a year before moving on. I'm choosing to remain hopeful that I will become more competent and confident in my role as an RN as time passes, but I have to confess that I've also spent some time looking at massage therapy schools!

I feel ya there. Annnd, we're about to change to all computer documentation that is not very intuitive so there goes even MORE of my time.

This seems to be nurses' biggest complaint - not even time to NURSE...too much time spent charting, trying to fix stuff wrong in the assembly line of healthcare (pharm not doing something right, etc, etc)...

KalipsoRed · Mar 19, 2009

Wow did I hit the right tread or what? I feel so much the same way. I can honestly say that I hate my job, but only because my job makes me feel like crap. I like my coworkers, I like my manager, I love all of my patients, but I can't stant going to work. I'm 9 months into my first job and while it is less overwhelming than it was when I very first started, I'm still very overwhelmed. I wish to god every day that I'm off that I could win enough lottery money to go back to school for something different. I have not gotten in trouble at work. In fact I've been told I do a great job and have been asked to be on a couple of hospital committees, but I feel so bad about how little time I spend with my patients or anything I make the smalliest mistake on. I just started seeing a psychologist for depression and anxiety because of all of my job. I hope you find your place in this profession. A place where you can be satisfied with your self, because anything less is just plain awful for your health. Good Luck

hellooonurse28 · Mar 19, 2009

Don't be hard on yourself, I think everyone feels this way most if not all of the time. I know most shifts I leave and feel like I just barely got through my shift. I have been working for almost 2 years as a nurse, and I definitely thought I would have more opportunities to feel like a nurse. You know actually talk to my patients, support them, do more than just hook them up to IVs, throw some meds at them, assess them...you get the point. I want so much to help others, but I want to be able to actually INTERACT with them. I constantly wonder if nursing is the right career for me, and have been looking to maybe make a change if I can't find something I actually connect to.

By the way, I still feel super "sucky" as you said..haha. I feel awkward and dumb sometimes, I don't know when that will go away, but I've heard it can be years...Joy!!

I too have had anxiety and severe depression. I used to cry all the time, even on my days off. You shouldn't have to be miserable. You need to take care of you first of all. Re-evaluate what you want, because our so called fabulous salaries are not worth being unhappy. Use that year advantage you have to possibly put yourself where you want to be. Life is way too short not to! Hang in there!!

paxpax · Mar 27, 2009

I have been on my own 15 months and feel the same as you do. All the comments resonate with my experience. I got called at home yesterday (my day off), and semi-threatened with some sort of disciplinary action because I didn't handle a discharge exactly right (never mind all the other drama that was going on during my last shift). NOTHING unsafe happened with the patient. I feel like everyone who has posted above - More sucky days than good. All this drama and attention on when things don't go right, but no acknowledgment of the incredible amount of things that DO go right. I dread going into work today to be called on the carpet. The worst thing that can happen is that I will be asked to resign.

:yeahthat:

nursebreelee · Mar 28, 2009

as i read all of these replies - i feel better that i too am not alone. i am 8 months into my nursing career on a med-surg career. believe it or not i actually already quit once and took a job at an obgyn office - only to learn that the grass was greener back where i was! (little pay and boredom) so i got my old job at the hospital back (this was lucky for me - economy-wise).

after 8 months though - i also still cry... i feel vulnerable and unsure - but less so... after 8 months - i look at my patient's in a different way - i assess them differently - i see the big picture more clearly - i actually think i know what critical thinking is now... but - i am sensitive and easy to get flustered and cry. i am 33 years old - but get no respect...

here's what i am learning.

after the incredible tension and anxiety of school (2 or 4 years) then the intense anxiety of taking the nclex - then we have the even more scary job of actually practicing... and our comfort levels kick in- what? after 2 years?

chronic stress makes people sick. we all learned this from nursing school.

i think we all just need a vacation.

to put our lives back into persepctive.

we did it.

it was hard.

it's still hard.

and it will get better. that's hope.

nursealanarae - i hope you're hanging in there... im with you - all the way.

nursebreelee · Mar 28, 2009

I have to be honest - I also DREAD going to work still - I never know what patient's i am going to have - and sometimes I feel like they only give me the most crazy ones - I find that i have more bad days than good. BUT - I have had days where I left work excited, feeling so fulfilled and warm and fuzzy for taking care of one person really really well (one out of 5!!). It can be so rewarding. I hope someday the good days are more frequent than the bad days.