Almost at the year mark, and still unsure...

[nursealanarae]

Help!

So, I am almost at the year-mark as being a floor nurse. I feel I have grown so much and learned so much. I know it is a very long process, but I sitll don't feel like a good nurse. I am still unsure of myself and I feel like I am doing a "sucky" job. Other's tell me I am doing great, but I don't agree. I feel like I am still task-oriented. I care for my patients, but I feel like I care more about patient's meeting their goals above all else and getting what I need to get done. Is this normal? I have so much pressure from everyone to be efficient.

I just wish I could be the best nurse possible and I know I am not there yet. Plus, I am sooo stressed at work. I am constantly running around and some days barely have time to eat or pee. I get so anxious about work and just went to the doctor for insomnia and anxiety. I just need some encouragement and advice...

Thank you

[SoundofMusic]

June 1st will be a year for me also, off orientation. I don't regret doing it, because it's really helping me pay bills and it should lead to better things and pathways in the future -- but I'm just not all that deeply into the future yet to start reaping any huge benefits. I think at just one year, you're still VERY much in that uphill learning curve, although the angle may not be as steep at this point. I'm finding that I get disgusted very easily now with patients, with co-workers, and with certain managers, and just LOVE those that are less difficult, and appreciate managers that are smart and good leaders.

I definitely want to change units and try other specialities -- so badly I just can almost taste it. My goal for the next six months is to round out my committment to my unit and start exploring how to get off of it and onto another one where I can learn some more.

There is so much out there in nursing and I so much want to find my niche -- I just don't know where it is and there is a shortage of good mentors. It's like you're really on your own now and have to be your own advocate, because no one is really looking out for you.

And I'm still making errors -- absolutely. Hung the wrong fluid on someone the other night -- or at least my crabby awful co-worker said I did. Something tells me she was just trying to hassle me -- but who knows. Never mind that I had a full load with no tech, was doing all my own VS and labs -- one mistake and that's IT -- you're just treated as a total BUM.

And I don't feel guilty at all if I don't play a bigger role for patients. Maybe something is wrong with me, but as I see it -- this is what they WANT right now from nurses, and I'm fulfulling that. If I can "manage" the patient, carry out the orders, determine if there is a change in condition and provide a top notch assessment -- I AM doing my job! My goodness -- we can't all just be Florence Nightengale and be saviors to our patients -- some are there for such a short time. If I've managed them well and gotten them discharged with no issues -- I feel I've done my job. Anything else is icing on the cake to me.

But the biggest shock to me is how much we are sometimes seen more as customer service representatives than as nurses. I swear, as long as I get those cups of coffee, fulfill all the crazy non-medical related "hotel" service requests and boost our customer satisfaction ratings -- who cares how the patient is doing clinically. I mean -- if I'd known THAT -- not sure I would have been so ethusiastic about becoming a nurse. I find all of that to be just nauseating.