Admission Essay

[shamarie86]

Hello everyone,

I am preparing to submit my application and I need some feedback on my admission essay. Thank you for taking the time to read it and offer any suggestions.

Identifying what comes naturally and building on these strengths has helped me identify my true purpose in life. My desire to help others began when I was a child after my mother took a job caring for mentally challenged children and adults. This was my first exposure to individuals that faced such difficult challenges and it helped me develop compassion for others despite their differences. As I got older my desire to help others grew, and I felt that a career in healthcare would challenge me and help me grow intellectually. I started my path into the healthcare world when I took a job at an assisted living facility. The connections I developed with the residents filled my heart with joy, and the skills I learned while I was there challenged me and made me want to learn more. After finishing a certified nurse aid certification, I began working in an Alzheimer's unit at a long term care facility. This experience helped to develop my team building skills with the other aids, as well as the nurses and social workers involved in the care of the residents. I enjoyed being a part of a team that had one goal of providing exceptional patient care. These experiences helped me realize that my true passion is caring for others, and nursing is a profession in which I can fulfill my passion while making a difference for those who need it most. With the ever changing healthcare needs, nursing is one of the few professions with an unlimited potential for growth, which means my love for learning will never end.

In order to prepare for the challenges I will face in my future career, I need a creative educational program that will serve as a foundation to help me become an exceptional nurse, and a valued member of the healthcare team. In choosing St. David's School of Nursing at Texas State University I will learn the skills needed to perform safe and effective patient care in an environment that promotes my love for learning and encourages intellectual freedom. I think the most important component of the program at Texas State University is the preparation of nursing students as a whole in order to excel in the future. A nurse must embody compassion and integrity when caring for patients in the real world. This program takes time to include a holistic approach in order to encourage interconnectedness, which I believe increases accountability toward better patient care. A nurse must also be competent in their ability to carry out their practice so a strong scientific based curriculum is essential to the success of the student. The advanced technology and extensive use of simulation labs will give me vital hands-on experience that will prepare me for the clinical setting and real life situations.

Throughout my journey I have learned the amount of dedication and perseverance required in being a successful student, and this has helped prepare me for what I will face as a future nursing student. In selecting me to join this team of students you are selecting someone who is passionate about the challenges ahead, and will do everything possible to make not only myself, but my fellow classmates and instructors proud. Allowing me this opportunity will cultivate my creativity and problem solving skills while helping me develop a better understanding of what it takes to succeed as a student and a nurse. I want to earn the respect of my fellow classmates and instructors and carry that with me to be taken seriously as a healthcare provider. I believe that to be the best I have to learn from the best, making St. David's School of Nursing the best and only option for me.

My commitment to my future has gotten me to this point and I have no intentions of stopping until I have achieved my dream of becoming a nurse. In order to be successful I have planned to relocate in order to be closer to the campus and I have no other family obligations that will prevent me from dedicating all my time to my studies. During my time at Austin Community College I was able to maintain my GPA while working part-time and volunteering so I know that I am more than capable of succeeding while in the nursing program. My purpose in life is to make myself better so I can make other's lives better

[Double-Helix, BSN, RN]

This is a grammatically well written and descriptive essay. Did you have an essay prompt or a question you were asked to answer, or were you free to write the essay about whatever you wanted?

[shamarie86]

We were given four topics that we needed to have included in our essay.

1. Why we chose nursing as a profession

2. what interests me about this school

3. why they should accept our application

4. what plans do we have for being a full-time nursing student

[Double-Helix, BSN, RN]

I have made some edits/suggestions to the wording- primarily to change some of the sections with passive voice and help with flow. I would send this in a private message, but you do not have enough posts to receive private messages yet. See my edits in bold below, and feel free to accept or reject any change I made.

Discovering and building on my natural abilities and passions has helped me to identify my true purpose in life. My desire to help others began when I was ___ years old, when my mother took a job caring for mentally challenged children and adults. This first exposure to individuals who faced such difficult challenges helped me develop compassion for others regardless of their differences. My desire to help others only grew as I got older, and I decided that a career in healthcare would challenge me intellectually while fulfilling that desire. My path into the healthcare world started when I took a job at an assisted living facility ___ years ago. The connections I developed with the residents filled my heart with joy, and the skills I learned challenged me and made me want to continue learning. After I achieved certification as a Nurse's Aide, I began working in an Alzheimer's unit at a long term care facility. This experience refined my teamwork skills as I collaborated with the other aides, nurses and social workers involved in the care of the residents. I enjoyed being part of a team that shared the mutual goal of providing exceptional patient care. My work in these facilities taught me that my true passion is caring for others. Nursing is a profession in which I can fulfill my passion while making a difference for those who need it most. Because healthcare and the role of nurses are constantly evolving, nursing is a profession with unlimited potential for growth, which will continue to satisfy my love for learning.

In order to prepare for the challenges I will face in my future career, I need a creative educational program that will provide the foundation I need to become an exceptional nurse, and a valued member of the healthcare team. I chose St. David's School of Nursing at Texas State University because I will learn the skills I need to perform safe and effective patient care in an environment that promotes my love for learning and encourages intellectual freedom. One of the most valuable components of the program at Texas State University is the holistic preparation of nursing students. A nurse must embody compassion and integrity as well as clinical proficiency when caring for patients. St. David's program takes time to teach complimentary and alternative approaches to healthcare which increases the nurse's ability to provide an integrated approach to patient-centered care. A nurse must also be competently perform assessments and interventions, so a strong evidence-based curriculum is essential to the student's success. The advanced technology and extensive use of simulation labs at St. David's School of Nursing will give me vital hands-on experience that will prepare me for the clinical setting and my professional practice.

Throughout my journey I have learned that dedication and perseverance is required to be a successful student. Refining these skills has prepared me for the challenges I will face as a nursing student. If you select me to join your nursing program, you are selecting someone who is capable of and passionate about overcoming those challenges, and is determined to make not only myself, but my fellow classmates and instructors proud. Allowing me this opportunity will cultivate my creativity and problem solving skills and teach me the skills necessary to succeed as a student and a nurse. The foundations of respect and collaboration I will learn in this program will be carried forward as I begin my nursing career. I believe that to be the best, I have to learn from the best. That is why St. David's School of Nursing is my premier choice for my education.

My commitment to my goals has gotten me to this point and I will continue devotedly working to achieve my dream of becoming a registered nurse. I recognize that being successful in this program will require lifestyle changes, so I plan to relocate closer to the Texas State campus. I have no other family obligations that will prevent me from dedicating the necessary time to my studies. During my time at Austin Community College, I was able to maintain my GPA while working part-time and volunteering, so I know that I am more than capable of succeeding in your nursing program. My purpose in life is to maximize my skills and abilities so I can improve the lives of others.

[AliNajaCat]

As an editor I could cut at least 25% of the word count here without losing an iota of content. Simplify, simplify, simplify. More big words and convoluted phrases don't make you sound smarter or more convincing. See what you can do about that.

[shamarie86]

This is all great! Thank you for taking the time to go through and offer some great suggestions.