First off, I work in homecare but I'm posting this here because I think we all encounter this in one form or another and I want some opinions. Where do you draw your boundary lines on accepting gifts from patients? For example, I will generally accept a thank you card or a small "homemade" gift (however if the home wasn't clean you better believe those cookies are going straight in the trash when I get home).
The problem is when the patient/ family goes beyond. When I worked in LTC as a CNA one of my patients and her husband gave me a Christmas card. I accepted it, and opened it later to find money in it- a relatively small amount, $5 or $10 or something. I refused to take it and returned it to them-- they were really offended. The other aides I worked with were like "Heck, yeah, should have taken it". No floor policy on things like this.
Yesterday I discharged an adorable little old man from the agency. His sisters gave me a little make-up bag type thing. I was not sure about accepting it but they insisted and I saw a $5 price tag so I did go ahead and leave with it. Then I look in the bag later-- those brats (using "brats" affectionately) stuck $10 in there! So what do I do? I'm leaning toward bringing in donuts or something for everyone with it next time I'm at the office on the weekend.
I just read on article on dealing with maintaining personal/professional boundaries and it was really interesting. I get the feeling that I need to work on this in the future. I'm not sure how to say "I can't accept this" without hurting the giver. I seem to have the hardest time with old Polish ladies- they are the ones that get VERY offended if you don't accept a gift. It's even tougher in homecare because of the 1-on-1 relationship I have with my patients.
I have been given two gifts. The first was from the son of a nursing home pt. that died. He gave all the staff members a card and each contained $50. I REALLY TRIED hard to give it back, but he started crying. No one knew what to do. The CNAs wanted and really needed the money, but we weren't supposed to accept gifts. Upper management was told of the situation and we decided to get a plaque for the wing with a "in memory of" type saying, but not everyone would donate their money. Became a huge issue and we were told to never mention it again. The son REALLY want to staff to have these cards and that financial gift. It was a bad situation. The DON, ADON, and nurses wanted to donate the money.
The second gift was $10 at Christmas from one of my hospice families. I told them I couldn't take it, but they insisted (more tears). I took it and explained that I would donate it to our organization and it would help care for those that didn't have insurance. I did give it to my manager for that purpose.
Gifts are a tough thing. Sometimes it is the only thing a family/pt feels they can do to say thank you.
Once many years ago a resident gave me an angora spread (I had remarked how pretty it was..insisted I have it,I was young didn't know any better..it was a small spread nothing elaborate...well guess what? she told my boss she wanted it back! My boss told me never take anything because many times these people are forgetful,its against policy..and sometimes they are just setting you up..also if you **** them off down the road they will turn around and use it against you...sooo never take anything from them is the best policy!
OK, the other hand....My MIL is in an LTC, and we wanted to do something nice for the entire staff. We provided pizza for the annual inservice day for all the staff. Cost us about $50, and we got a nice thank you card.
Problem with accepting a gift is you don't ever know how it might come back to bite you. About 25 years ago my wife was a med aide in an LTC. One of her patients had received a bottle of hand lotion that gave her a rash. The pt's family gave it to my wife because they said they didn't want it to go to waste and my wife was one of their mom's favorites. No big deal? Wrong!
The bottle had the patient's name on it. One of the nurses from the place was at our house one day so she and my wife could go shopping. She saw the bottle and rather than ask about it, she went running to the DON the next day. They told my wife she was being fired for stealing but refused to go into specifics. When she threatened to fight that chage in court, they agreed to a lie detector test which she passed with flying colors. It was only after all that that the administrator and DON told her what ws going on. After she told them where she got the lotion, they checked with the family and they confirmed the story.
I told her to find a new job ASAP because 1) she had made the management look like fools, and 2) the LTC had spent a few hundred dollars on the polygraph in an effort to get rid of her. Sure enough, a couple of months later three write-ups that she had never heard about suddenly appeared in her file. One of them was for a incident on a day that she was on vacaton and a couple of hundred miles away. She was fired under a three write-up rule. All of this B.S. over a partially used bottle of hand lotion.
Specializes in med-surg, psych, ER, school nurse-CRNP.
Unreal. What a profession we're in.
I used to work agency, and had a lady patient (who I had spent a great deal of time with that day-fresh postop) give me a little magnet with the Nurse's Prayer on it, in a little bag printed with the same. Still have both, and that was 3-4 years ago.
Have had pts offer me money, or offer to pay me on my days off to come in and care for them. I did not accept either time, but did tell my charge that, should they need help the next day, to call me, provided I could have said pt as part of my group, so he would not be offended if he saw me.
I agree, most people are raised to show gratitude by tokens of their esteem. They don't understand about the various policies we as medical staff have to follow, and will sometimes be offended if we refuse. What gripes me about it all is the fact that we are not allowed to accept gifts under threat of termination, but yet we often still get "counseled" or written up after the same family complains when we don't accept the gift.
It's even tougher in homecare because of the 1-on-1 relationship I have with my patients.
Stories from similar encounters?
military spouse
577 Posts
I have been given two gifts. The first was from the son of a nursing home pt. that died. He gave all the staff members a card and each contained $50. I REALLY TRIED hard to give it back, but he started crying. No one knew what to do. The CNAs wanted and really needed the money, but we weren't supposed to accept gifts. Upper management was told of the situation and we decided to get a plaque for the wing with a "in memory of" type saying, but not everyone would donate their money. Became a huge issue and we were told to never mention it again. The son REALLY want to staff to have these cards and that financial gift. It was a bad situation. The DON, ADON, and nurses wanted to donate the money.
The second gift was $10 at Christmas from one of my hospice families. I told them I couldn't take it, but they insisted (more tears). I took it and explained that I would donate it to our organization and it would help care for those that didn't have insurance. I did give it to my manager for that purpose.
Gifts are a tough thing. Sometimes it is the only thing a family/pt feels they can do to say thank you.