Absolutely incompetent...not so sure "it gets better".

[opossum]

Just finished my last 12 hr shift this week...I'm sleep deprived and I've been bouncing around between Med Surg and ICU. A brief background: I graduated in 2010 and it took me 9 months to land this job, which I've been working for about 3 months, only a couple of weeks on my own between 2 depts. I did my immersion in a trauma stepdown unit and the ICU where I work also includes stepdown - mostly medical.

Today, I simply wasn't on my game. I had two pts, including a transfer up to MS, as well as a fresh GI post-op in addition to my stable lady w/a GI bleed. Not a problem, I thought...nothing too complicated and I've encountered these kinds of pts before. The day was kind of busy, I felt a little out of sorts because I hadn't worked ICU in a couple of weeks. Everything went alright I guess, although I did make a med error that I told my supervisor about. I also needed help hanging blood, but it all got done. Except some of my charting

When night shift comes on, a seasoned nurse took over my stable lady and asked me a couple of simple questions about her labs. Turns out I didn't really look at her Kardex all day because I was so busy getting my post-op set up and hanging blood, or helping the stable lady with toileting, that I didn't look at the big picture going on: why was stable lady here? Did her troponin peak? What about her H&H?...this is all stuff that I...spaced. I just didn't think of it. I didn't think about what the "plan" for her was...and I feel like a total failure. The seasoned nurse was understandably annoyed at me and I felt like a piece of garbage. Another older nurse had asked me at shift change why stable lady was here in ICU. I just blinked and said, "I don't know. I should know this." Her reply was "Hmph."

I'm starting to wonder if nursing was the right career choice...this is a second (or is it third?) career for me and I suck at it. I truly do, I'm not just saying that. I need to have a heart-to-heart with my manager, who has been extremely helpful and supportive. Most of my coworkers are supportive, for which I am truly grateful. But I'm just afraid this isn't going to "get better" with time...I don't know if I'll EVER get this.

You know how Dan Savage started that whole "It Gets Better Project" for LGBT youth? Do we need to start one for new nurses?

Does it get better if you start out the way I'm starting out??

Thanks for listening...:redpinkhe

[dlozano1288]

So does it get better guys!?

[dawniepoo]

So does it get better guys!?

Yes. I'm a year into my first job. It does get better, but I'm still anxious at certain times. I remember fumbling through so many things in the beginning, like hanging a simple bag of fluid and drawing up meds. Now I can do that with my eyes closed. I still feel incompetent with skills like foleys and IVs. I believe most of that is in my head. I am my own worst enemy!

[DatMurse]

Yes. I'm a year into my first job. It does get better, but I'm still anxious at certain times. I remember fumbling through so many things in the beginning, like hanging a simple bag of fluid and drawing up meds. Now I can do that with my eyes closed. I still feel incompetent with skills like foleys and IVs. I believe most of that is in my head. I am my own worst enemy!

just stop caring if you get the IV or not(srs).

The benefit of the IV outweighs the con. When you stop caring about the little pain it causes, you will stop being anxious and you will get it.

[CamillusRN, BSN]

My preceptor is nice but I fear disappointing her by being incompetent. So like the previous poster, I hope it gets better and what's the best way to turn a bad experience into a good one? I haven't had one yet but I am just anticipating that day....

As a current preceptor-in-training, I try to put myself in the shoes of other recent grads and remember the feelings of being overwhelmed and incompetent. Here's what I tell them: Find out what went wrong, what you need to do to prevent it from happening again, and move forward from there. Turn "bad" experiences into teaching moments, and the only truly bad experience you'll ever have is the one you can't walk away from. That truly bad experience will never happen if you learn from the teaching moments and focus on the lesson, not the mistake.

I try to never belittle the new nurses I'm supervising, but you can be your own worst enemy by hanging on to past mistakes and letting them guide your experience. Each shift is full of new mistakes just waiting to become teaching moments - without them we would never learn.

[whatsmyusername_RN]

I hope it will get better...because I'm feeling pretty incompetent today

[vnguyen3]

It certainly does get better. I've reached a year and 2 months last week, my confident level is a lot better than it was a year ago, and so will yours (to whom if may applies). After a while, you get used to giving report to certain people. For example, Nurse A wants to know the basic, while Nurse B wants to know irrelevant things like, what toe nail polish is the patient wearing . Trust me you'll learn to pick them out real quick. For information regarding patients plan of care: read the doctors note.

[opossum]

Original poster here....it's been 4 years since I wrote that post. And I can say with confidence that it DOES get better. It gets easier. I've learned to accept that I will never be perfect, nor should I be: if that were the case, I would never learn. Which would be calamitous for a nurse, right?

I'm still in ICU, but at a different hospital. I love ICU - I've learned what my strengths and weaknesses are. I know what I don't know and I'm never afraid to ask, no matter how "stupid" I feel.

I think it gets better because confidence in my own competencies, as well as a trusty team of other nurses around me continues to help me provide great care.

Thanks, everyone, for all the wise words!