A fascination become a dream

[damselham]

When I was grade 2 our teacher asked “What would you want to be when you grow up?” many said “teacher” others “doctor” in chorus, and she said “ok, one at a time, Daryl” referring to my seatmate, and he answered “I want to become a soldier like my dad…I want to fight against bad guys!” motioning as if shooting someone and we all laughed. “How about you Haide?” asking me, a bit shy I said “to be a nun…” she asked “Why?” and I replied “I love their white dresses and their… (pointing at my head) “veil” she added…then Daryl whispered to my ear “pray for me while I’m on a fight” and we laughed…That was really my dream without thinking what is really of becoming a nun. I graduated my primary school holding on to that dream until there’s a charitable institution run by nuns recruiting for soon-to-be highschool students to be sent to school with all expenses paid by them…I took the exam and passed, during the interview it was only the time that I got to see and talk to a nun face to face, I’ve seen how beautiful and clean-looking their habit was and my dream rekindled with burning desire to wear such…luckily I passed the interview and was brought to a place far from home, a school only for girls, inside a convent.

Inside the school everything should be in time otherwise you will be punished. We were waked up by the sound of a bell, prayed the Morning Prayer for 5 minutes, took a shower for 15-20 min., then read something for 30 minutes while waiting for breakfast to be served, we’ve heard another bell for breakfast and it’s the only time that we’re allowed to talk (because all throughout the day everyone should be silent unless you’re in the classroom of course), after eating time we went to our respective cleaning assignments (for 30 mins.) then we’ve proceeded to our classrooms…classes were over by 4:00, then did the gardening until 5:30, read the bible for 30 mins. and prepared for Angelus at 6:00, then its supper and after that is cleaning time then prayed the rosary until 8:00, 8-10:00 is our study time, we’ve heard the bell again indicating sleeping time….that was our daily routine and whoever was late or failed to do her assignment will receive a punishment on weekends either by brushing the court /toilets or jogging 10 rounds/sweeping around the oval …

I was afraid of punishments that’s why I did my job well, I honestly did it out of fear but then human as we are I have also committed mistakes, I have swept the oval and brushed the court with my dormates…hehehhe. Despite these things I learned a lot from the nuns, it’s because of their strict rules that I valued discipline, camaraderie to my dormates, respect to myself and knowledge about God. I’ve never heard about God from my parents, only then that I learned the nature of God and the lives of the saints when I was highschool. As time goes by until my 4th year only then that I learned to like not the habit and veil their wearing but the selfless love and fear of the Lord they’re implanting within us. It was them who told and showed me by their examples the true meaning of sacrifice. The nuns had transformed me to what I am now, visions broadened, thought deepened…

After our highschool graduation I’ve known that my childhood dream won’t come true. Since our mother left us and I’m the eldest I have to attend to my siblings esp. our youngest who’s 7 months old and was ill. I went back home… hopes gone because I know we don’t have money for my college…until I saw a dot of light when I signed an application for a scholarship…I took the exam and alas! I topped!!! I took computer studies a 2-year-course since it’s the trend and I thought I could get a job right away, earned good grades and some great accomplishments…but still felt emptiness, I still want to become a nun but not because of the clothes their wearing I’m sure enough, after I’ve seen and experienced how the real world works… I went to a larger city with bigger opportunities and got one as a data encoder until I heard about nursing…I was again fascinated by the whiteness of their uniform just like how I feel when I was grade 2…until I found myself enrolling for BSN.

I was a working student on my first year; can’t quit my job to support my studies. It was so tiring with pressure on my work and don’t have much time for sleep. By second year 2nd semester I was advised to stop working because of our community survey and duty at health centers, so I did and my father shouldered everything…since then my siblings weren’t able to pursue college because of me. My father prioritized me and counted on me a lot coz I’m the eldest, and so I really felt sorry for my siblings and responsibility as well. It was in my duty in the hospital that I’ve realized I’m not meant to become a nun but a nurse although there is a big similarity, they both have the calling, deal with people, teach, have mission of caring and alleviating the sick, they only differ in technicalities but one in spirit and goal…I’m now certain that nursing is for me, I love to be with the sick tending to their needs but felt frustrated with the fact that someone would have to die because of being unable to buy the ordered meds…I remember we are on a night shift duty, as I was doing the TPR sheet with my CI on my side on the students table, one of my classmates complained that she was not able to give the meds on due time because her patient’s meds ran out, an elderly woman approached us(she was the grandmother of my classmate's patient) asking for small amount of money to buy for her grandson’s meds, she’s in near tears while talking, our CI without a doubt reached for her purse and gave the old lady 100 pesos, some of my classmates also did, I felt sorry for her because as much as I want to give something I have nothing left in my pocket but 45 pesos for my fare going home…thank God she was able to buy it and my classmate administered it immediately…I felt alleviated.

Until now that burning desire has never been dampened, I’m about to continue my studies this June (coz I’ve stopped due to financial difficulties) and hoping to finish this course and work as I have dreamed…please pray for me…..

[calif-me]

Thank you for sharing your story. God will make a way for you.

[RosesRN]

Wow amazing story. My mother came from a struggling family of 10, once she graduated from high school she left home, worked, went to nursing school all by herself. She was the second eldest, and her mother was still alive to take care of the other children. It sounds like you are well on your way to success! Are you going to come work in the US? Then you can earn more money and help out your family.

[nanacarol]

As I read your story, it occurred to me that those of us who are

nurses" are called and I believe that those who are called are provided for. Each sacrifice you make and have made solidifies your positive outcome. Your passion and commitment is evident, visible in your account of your journey. God is in control and your journey will take the path that it is designed to take and you and your family will be victorious. The lives you touch on your path will continue to be a testiment to God's greatness.

Blessings to you!!

[JST3]

Goodluck to you, hope you inspire more people in taking up this profession like ours. with your dedication and perseverance..you'll finish nursing in no time.we'll definitely pray for you!

[lynnzie]

while i was reading ur story i cried, i've been touched and i remember myself when i was in college. i came in a poor family and 10 of us but with my perseverance and dedication to finish my studies now i'm a fullpledge nurse and working abroad and earning money to feed my family. with all your prayer and determination you will reach your dreams.

goodluck to you and i'll pray for you.

[onetiredmomma]

What an amazing story, thank you for sharing! God bless you and your family

[Maroney555]

Your post was amazing.

It seriously brought me to tears. There are parts of nursing that I think I might fail and cringe at, however, I think this is the profession for me. I am made to do a difference. My parents push the $$$ jobs (without providing the fundage mind you lol) , but I don't even care about the money.

I wanted to be a person who did better for the world, no matter what. God spoke to me the way he did you. Unfortunately, my life could never be devoted like a nun (sorry to say, but I don't have the strength :[ ) but I think it is his will and purpose to have me help people and do what I can with my remaining compassion and love for humanity...plus my math and science skills that come along with the occasional laziness.

I wish you the best and good luck on your journey!!!!

[glendz58]

amazing story hope you inspire us a lot...god bless you!i will include you in my prayers