New job and found out I'm pregnant

What does your husband say about all of this? That is where I would start. Is he prepared to be the sole income earner in the family while you be a stay-at-home mother? If that is the lifestyle that the two of you choose together, then go for it.

But that is not a decision you can make by yourself. If he is not able (or truly happy) to pick up the ball and be the sole financial provider, then you could be setting yourself up for disaster by giving into your current fantasy of being a stay-at-home mom. If you give up your career now, will you be happy with that decision later when you will want to help your family financially when it's time to pay for college? ... when your husband retires? ... if your husband loses his job or suffers a career setback of some kind? ... or gets a serious illness? ... if your marriage does not last forever? ... etc.

For some people, not having a career works out for them. But for many people, unforeseen circumstances happen in life that gives them a need to earn money themselves. Be careful to keep options for yourself open should you even have the need to earn money to support yourself and your family some day in the future.

Maybe you could drop down to part time if your husbands get that good job that is a possibility.

Tiredness is normal in the first trimester. It often improves in the 2nd.

Almost all new jobs look better from the outside than they look after the first month or two on the job. It's called "reality shock" and every new nurse goes through it. There is always a bit of disillusionment once the job is not longer "shiny and new" -- almost all new grads are tempted to quit as they adjust to the realities of nursing. I'd give the job another 2-3 months (at least) before you give up on it.

What does your husband say about all of this? That is where I would start. Is he prepared to be the sole income earner in the family while you be a stay-at-home mother? If that is the lifestyle that the two of you choose together, then go for it.

But that is not a decision you can make by yourself. . .

The is one of the very important conversations couples should have before they even consider getting engaged. If they are not in agreement about whether a woman would work after having a baby, then that is a deal breaker in my opinion.

I have no idea if the OP and her husband discussed this prior to marriage based on her posts.

Just a thought - one way to help out with the future decision to stay home is both people can work, budget so only one income is needed, and bank the other income into a savings account to help when mom does stay home.

I went back to work at 40 as a nurse when my youngest was in 3rd grade. We worked 3-3 shifts so I was home when they got home. Exhausted, but home.

Another nurse I know did have this discussion prior to getting engaged and she and her boyfriend agreed that mom should stay home and not use day care. They also run a ranch for developmentally disabled adults so she does help out there. She keeps her license current and does continuing education.

You can always return to work later if you want. It might take a refresher course but you can do it.

llg is right that 1st trimester symptoms are fatigue and that usually abates into the 2nd trimester. If your husband does get this great job, could you continue to work for awhile and just bank the extra income? Could you guys downsize and cut your budget in ways to help out with you staying home?

There are practical ways to solve this and I'm hoping you and your husband discussed this before marriage. I've got a list of things I've told my own kids they have to consider when dating someone with the goal of marriage someday. It isn't all hearts and flowers. You simply have to ask hard questions about life goals.

(Just as an aside, I decided to show the list I found years ago and gave to my kids. I wish I'd had it before marrying my ex. But then, I wouldn't have 2 of the kids I have now).

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[TD=align: left]Go through at least six months of premarital counseling. Oftentimes people ignore doubts, red flags, and gut feelings because they don't discuss their issues and concerns BEFORE they get married. By seeing an expert who specializes in premarital counseling, you'll go over things like:

1. Money. How do we spend it? What about savings? What about budgets? Who takes care of the money? When it comes to money, there are two types of people to varying extremes: those who like to spend and those who like to save. It's extremely important to discuss finances and prenups (which I think are absolutely necessary in second marriages involving children so that the kids are protected).

2. How alike are you? People say "opposites attract," but that only works for magnets, not for people. The more you have in common with your partner, the better. You need to discuss your backgrounds, religious beliefs, values, and dreams for the future. What are your views on loyalty, honesty, and dealing with anger? What behaviors are off-limits? You should talk about all these things and never assume they will change after you are married. If you want something about them to change and it doesn't, don't get married!

3. Communication skills. Many people come from families where they really don't communicate. They don't sit down calmly and honestly speak the truth. You and your partner need to be able to say to each other, "These are my expectations, hopes, dreams, desires, etc.," and then ask if they are reasonable. If your partner says, "I would like to have more freedom, come and go as I please, and not have to call when I'm going to be late for dinner," then you know it's a good idea to call it quits.

It's vital to assess how someone communicates before you get married. Some people use communication as a destructive tool to get what they want, and others use it to hurt their partner or justify themselves when they've lied or misbehaved.

4. Life outside of marriage. Which hobbies and activities are you going to do together and which are you going to do separately with friends? Am I not going to be able to ride my motorcycle because you don't ride? Some people are so insecure, possessive, or demanding that they won't let the other person have a life. Many women, in particular, don't want their men to have guy time (which can be very disastrous).

5. Do you want to have kids? How many? What does discipline look like? Who's going to take care of them? What happens if one of you has fertility issues? Are you open to adoption? Having two people cooperate to raise a child is a huge deal. Compatibility issues in how you parent can lead to big problems down the road. This is why it's important to look at each other's family dynamics. People develop a lot of neurotic tendencies from their childhoods that may never change, such as how loving or attentive they are. Observe how your fiancé/fiancée is with other people's kids. What about staying home with the kids?

6. Employment. Do you travel a lot for your job? Do you plan to relocate often? Do you stay at the office late? Do you have any time for family? Certain jobs (trucking, medicine, law, military, etc.) require a lot of commitment. You have to analyze yourself and ask, "Do I want to marry somebody who isn't going to be home at seven every night? Do I want my spouse to be just visiting when he/she walks in to the house?"

7. Sex! Find out what each other's fantasies are. If their fantasies include small farm animals, you know to hit the eject button.

8. Daily life: Who's going to be responsible for which household chores and bills? Are you actually going to raise your kids, or are you going to farm them out (so that when you're old and decrepit, they farm you out)?

9. How committed are you to the relationship? With looks, health, abilities, kids, finances, and family, there are many changes, phases, and challenges in life. Are you committed in the relationship, or are you just a fair weather spouse? I would say that about 70 percent of divorces result because people are not committed to a relationship - when it's not going good, they find another place to go.

10. Personal space. Everybody needs time to be alone with their hobbies and thoughts. A lot of women have trouble giving their husbands personal space. Guys are generally relieved when their wives want to go spend the day with their girlfriends: "That's wonderful honey, are you sure you don't want to go for the weekend?" = "Yes! No nagging for six hours!"

11. How are you going to keep the marriage exciting? What's your idea of a good time together? Is it hanging out with a lot of people? Watching sports? A candlelight dinner? A walk in the park? Soaking in the tub together? After they get married, many people say, "My husband/wife doesn't do anything." Well, perhaps that's because you guys never talked about what would be fun.

12. Family. My advice: If you really, really, really can't get along with his or her family, move 3,000 miles away.

13. Know your odds. Statistics show that couples who live together before they're married are more likely to get divorced. Couples who have been previously married and divorced are also more likely to get divorced. Don't learn the hard way by thinking "Well, we're different." [/TD]

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