Bad Parenting equals difficult patient

NurseNightOwl, BSN, RN · Mar 9, 2014

I feel for you. My problem has usually been the other children (patient's siblings). The moms may be home, but they're in the bedroom with the door closed, the kods are all hyped up on donuts, poptarts, endless amounts of "juice" (sugar water), acting crazy, bothering the crap out of me... Ughh. Very happy to be leaving PDN for this reason. Love my sweet patients though, very sad to leave them.

SDALPN · Mar 10, 2014

That is so common. I've seen that stuff so many times. We end up being the bad guy no matter what. Get the check til another case comes along or they let you go. Do the best you can in the time you have there. Another situation where the parents need counseling/coaching. Good luck with it and hopefully something better comes along quickly!

2ndcareerchange · Mar 10, 2014

thanks guys, I thought I was going crazy... I started really researching his dx because I truly could not understand why he didnt know how to blow his nose, or do anything simple like that... What is OT teaching him?? oh but he can get on his laptop, cell phone and play a movie or a game without assistance. And the mother, she will take him to the ER for the simple things, but will cancel dr appts for flu like s/s or SOB. I am just glad I am not alone in this and that this is somewhat normal.

ventmommy · Mar 10, 2014

I bet you are still there because they can make changes and say "Nurse 2ndcareerchange said this is a better way so we are going to try it." Thus, they are making changes but don't have to take any responsibility if the kid is irritated.

Some parents feel so guilty for their child's illness that they don't parent/discipline/have rules and you end up with a super bratty child.

ceebeejay · Mar 11, 2014

I feel bad for kids in this situation; kids really beg for boundaries and when parents don't provide them it's just confusing and frustrating for the kid. Eventually, it's just too late, they can't accept boundaries because they don't even understand them. Parenting is hard and good parenting is really hard. Good luck.

2ndcareerchange · Mar 11, 2014

I bet you are still there because they can make changes and say "Nurse 2ndcareerchange said this is a better way so we are going to try it." Thus, they are making changes but don't have to take any responsibility if the kid is irritated.
Some parents feel so guilty for their child's illness that they don't parent/discipline/have rules and you end up with a super bratty child.

No, they fight me on every sugguestion. The next day the mother "showed" me how to use the nose bulb. The patient likes to start fights about the smallest of issues. Example I asked for them to get a pan, as patient BMs every day at 5am. I asked them to get a regular adult size pan, the grandmother decided it was too big (patient is 130lbs) and got a small child size fracture pan. Its too small and no one uses it. So the patient kept asking me was I happy about the pan chose that was made. Patient likes to "quote" you to the caregivers to start stuff. I put a stop to that quick. I told the parents, they can get any equipment they like, I can just make sugguestions. I told the Patient do not quote me i can speak for myself and I told the parents if you want to know what I said, ask me. The mother told me the Patient likes to get people in trouble with each other, patient does it all the time with the mother to the father. She said she always gets in to trouble. Foolishness!! I need to stay to finish my schooling so I am just trying to disconnect and just do the nursing. The Parents KNOW they cant keep anyone so here we are. I think these parents do not want patient to grow up. they still use baby talk, to an intelligent 13 yr old. It's another kind of abuse that is not reportable. They want to keep patient helpless, but in the meantime creating a monster.

I am using the word "patient" as the name of the child, to protect from using pronouns.

Adele_Michal7, ASN, RN · Mar 12, 2014

What I am finding out more and more is making sure there are clear boundaries. My patient is clearly a product of bad to zero parenting. He reminds me of that episode of Twilight Zone where the kid has the whole house of adults walking on eggs shells, and if you get the child upset he makes you disappear. My first night my patient 13yr wanted to call his father (in the home) at 3am in the morning. After speaking to him, the patient hands me the phone and the father tells me not to let the patient call him this early in the morning because he needs his sleep for work the next day. (WHAT?) This is after telling the patient he can call father "anytime". I didnt answer then as it was in front of the patient, but the next morning I privately told the father that situation is a parenting issue, not a nursing one. I will not be involved with how many times "patient" calls you.
My patient is AOx3, has MD, highly intelligent, and extremely lazy. He has a gtube running, so I propped him up on a tv pillow turned backward for a 30 degree angle, (he was flat), "patient" complained to his parents, and I "educated" the parents on positioning for a gtube, and Of course I got, well nurse soso didnt do that, (yeah, she need the hours and didnt want to be banished!) I requested a hospital bed and one was sent out 1 week later. Actually they recieved a lot of stuff, new bed, pulse ox, air mattress, bed rail, rail padding and new gtube machine. The mom thought it was christmas, she didnt understand how the insurance company magically knew their needs. (really?) Can we say documentation? This patient coughs in his parents faces, will not turn on his own, has them adjust his pillow (pull it down closer to him) All things he does for me now. Now they want me to discipline him. NOPE not this nurse. They only keep nurses for about 6 months. They wonder why? If patient doesnt like you he says oh, I think she breathes to loud and I cant sleep and poof gone. (This REALLY happened, the parents told me maybe she was a smoker, but her breathing kept "patient" awake at night.) My super is really surprised I am still here. I am not mean, just firm. I updated all weighted meds dosages with drs orders, the parents didnt want to give meds... patient is 150lbs, he was getting meds for a child under 80 lbs. But patient didnt want to take that much... what?? I explained they need to parent, not be his friend. I have no idea why I have not been banished, but is this how it is out there?
Sorry for the lenght but REALLY needed to vent. I keep stopping, tonite I am teaching him how to blow his nose.... I cant make this stuff up... if I need to suction, I wlll but he just needed to blow his nose. He is 13! and has full rom He told me his parents use the bulb (the one for infants) so I got it and we compared, he picked blowing his nose, better results. LOL

I would be careful with your attitude. "Patient is clearly a product of bad parenting." You also mentioned your patient is lazy. We aren't there to judge.

SDALPN · Mar 12, 2014

I would be careful with your attitude. "Patient is clearly a product of bad parenting." You also mentioned your patient is lazy. We aren't there to judge.

I kind of disagree, but I see where you're coming from. I do think it's important to identify parenting issues. Sometimes it's seen by the way the child behaves. I've had plenty of patients that are products of bad parenting. One being a kid that was allowed to hit nurses because the parents didn't believe in the word "no" and would say the child was learning/experimenting when doing that behavior. They were against redirecting the child too. We were to allow it to happen. A few bruises and 1 shift was enough for me.

Lazy people have been enabled to be lazy. Some people also need more encouragement than others. Identifying the problem and cause helps us find a solution.

systoly · Mar 12, 2014

I kind of disagree, but I see where you're coming from. I do think it's important to identify parenting issues. Sometimes it's seen by the way the child behaves. I've had plenty of patients that are products of bad parenting. One being a kid that was allowed to hit nurses because the parents didn't believe in the word "no" and would say the child was learning/experimenting when doing that behavior. They were against redirecting the child too. We were to allow it to happen. A few bruises and 1 shift was enough for me.
Lazy people have been enabled to be lazy. Some people also need more encouragement than others. Identifying the problem and cause helps us find a solution.

you stayed the whole shift ???

report: sorry your child has a new hairdo, i just couldn't rob him of

the enlightening experience of sticking something in the light socket :)

SDALPN · Mar 12, 2014

you stayed the whole shift ???
report: sorry your child has a new hairdo, i just couldn't rob him of
the enlightening experience of sticking something in the light socket :)

Haha. It's only hair, it'll grow out. ;-)

I've had a few cases where the kid could do what they wanted. The parent feels guilty and I get that. But won't they feel more guilty when the kid grows up and hits an officer thinking it's ok and ends up in jail due to bad parenting.

systoly · Mar 12, 2014

no

chances are they'll say, "oh my baby, why does everyone want to hurt my baby?"

parenting means putting the child's needs and welfare before satisfying your own

needs, such as not wanting to be the bad guy, a lot of the time