The most ridiculous birth plans you've had the pleasure of reading

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

I don't know when I became so jaded- I had a birth plan with my son...every single thing went the opposite of what we had wanted (induction, ITN with subsequent pukefest and finally stat section for non reassuring heart rate and suspected chorio). But when I see that a patient has a birth plan I cringe! Maybe it's because every couple I've encountered with a birth plan have turned out to be the biggest PITA's I've had to deal with as patients- this last couple...sheesh, the dad interrogated my every action as though he thought I was going to hog tie his newborn daughter and assult her with formula and vaccines.

Their birth plan read as though it was copied out of a book...one of those ever popular "the medical industry and hospitals are EVIL and nurses are bullies and will bully you to do everything you don't want to do!!" Why are nurses and hospitals getting demonized so much? Do they really think we went into nursing because we like to harm babies and mothers and pi** off patients?

Ok, back to the birth plan thing: I've read plans that state "We require a private room" (good thing we have private rooms). "We demand immediate skin to skin and breastfeeding initiation" (gee, I was looking forward to poking your baby and letting him/her starve). "We do not want ANYONE in our room during labor except our accupuncturist and chiropractor".

I suppose these "requests" are not totally unreasonable, maybe it's just the way the plan is worded, and the defensive vibe I get from the patients who copy them from a book or author them themselves.

Specializes in OB.

Laparoscopic C-Section! Best one so far! buahahahahaha!!!!

Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.
Laparoscopic C-Section! Best one so far! buahahahahaha!!!!

Yikes. I think that's called a D&E.

Specializes in OB.

D&E is a dilation and extraction when a spontaneous abortion doesn't allow for all the product to be expelled from the body. I'm sure whoever came up with a laparoscopic c-section was tripping on something.

Specializes in OB-Gyn/Primary Care/Ambulatory Leadership.
D&E is a dilation and extraction when a spontaneous abortion doesn't allow for all the product to be expelled from the body. I'm sure whoever came up with a laparoscopic c-section was tripping on something.

Yes, I know what a D&E is. I was making an off-color joke.

Specializes in ER.
Yes, I know what a D&E is. I was making an off-color joke.

Sarcasm....Sheldon.

Specializes in Pediatrics, High-Risk L&D, Antepartum, L.
Yep, totally serious.

"....both these interventions are required in New York State by both the sanitary code and the hospital code (Sections 12.2 and 405.21(e)(4)(v)(b), 10 NYCRR). Neither regulation exempts infants whose parents object to the practice. Since these treatments are mandated by state regulation, informed consent is unnecessary, and hospitals and individual providers cannot be sued for administering them. Conversely, a provider’s failure to administer these treatments could result in a citation. A parent’s refusal of these treatments can be reported to Child Protective Services"

My only real problem with birth plans is that many things just aren't feasible at my hospital.

Back on topic....

...the other day I saw a line in a birth plan that stated "I would like to be reminded to remove my clothing before delivery." *head scratch*

It says can be reported but not that it has to be. That's sad. I'm an L&D RN an my last baby...no vit k. He wasn't to be circd do bleeding risks were minimal. Sad to force this on parents. When do we stop taking away rights and choice?

Specializes in women/children, pacu, or.

Seems strange but in the heat of the moment, clothing is the last thing on a mom's mind. Honestly, I once had a woman (g5+) arrive in the middle of the night wearing her Sunday best (hose, slip, jumper, blouse,etc.) in full blown labor. Two of us were tearing her clothes off managing to get her dress twisted around her upper torso, arms, & head. Everything turned out ok but all those clothes?! The the....?

Specializes in women/children, pacu, or.

Have to agree. And we wonder why people choose home birth.

Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.

My state (Michigan) also requires eye drops -- mandatory, even if you don't want them.

What happens if a parent simply says "NO"?

My state (Michigan) also requires eye drops -- mandatory, even if you don't want them.
Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
What happens if a parent simply says "NO"?

Not sure -- I was told it was mandatory (state law) during my OB rotation. Nobody ever had a problem with it during my rotation. It didn't bother me, so I never looked into it further.

I was much more concerned with the people who were choosing to circumcise their baby boys for no apparent reason.

Specializes in Public Health, L&D, NICU.
I'm a student and taking OB next semester, so I only have personal experience to go on here. Your hospital really doesn't allow a laboring mother to walk around or to use a birthing ball?!? I understand that there may be exceptions, but to not allow it at all? Is this normal for other hospitals? I spend almost my whole labor (and a good portion if my pregnancy, I even took it to work with me) the first time around (second was breech) on my birthing ball and highly recommend them! I was also a high risk pregnancy with a perinatologist.... Just curious!

Many facilities require continuous fetal monitoring if Pitocin is in use. Pit is very, very popular among doctors here, so most of our patients get it. Probably 98% of them. If you don't have the capability of telemetry monitoring, their walk is going to be very short, like to the end of the cable and back. Also, for some moms, especially big fluffy ones (I can say this because I'm a big fluffy mom:D ) it's very difficult to monitor the baby if mom is sitting straight up or standing. And the families that insist they don't need monitoring are usually the first to start screaming "lawsuit" when something gets missed. I had an earthy birthy client once who refused monitoring. Baby was having repetitive lates, but it was really hard to ascertain with Doppler and the little monitoring she would allow. Baby came out blue, limp, and trying to meet Jesus. Mama screams about us not doing our jobs and was gently reminded that she didn't want to be monitored, even when told there might be a problem. Her response? "YOU are the professional, I am just the patient, I didn't know any better!"

I love birthing balls, and think they are great, but my hospital doesn't provide them. You want one, you better head to Target and buy one before you come to the hospital.

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