Family's responsiblity of taking care of older parents? - page 4
just wondering, is a responsiblity or obligation? what is their responsiblity?... Read More
Oct 5, '12I know my position as home care nurse, it's just be there usually once a week, but the rest of week, I expected there would be a family visit, at least once a week, I believe this is not a burden for children. You are right, I don't know much about family dynamic: look at people around me, nobody seems can be perfect as I thought
Oct 5, '12Quote from LCinTrainingIt seems like this is the expectation in our White American culture overall. Most elderly don't want to be a burden. My grandmother always says she doesn't want to be tolerated but celebrated, but you can tell it upsets her when the daughter that she supported for 30 years does not want to put up with her in her old age.Culture is not an excuse. I feel, and correct me if I am wrong, that you are placing your definition of a functioning family unit onto all families, which simply can't be done.I'm American. I'd not consider living with my children when they got older. Would I care for dying family members? Yes, but I have done it and know how horrifically hard it is. It's draining, physically, emotionally and financially. Never, in a million years would I want my children dosing my Hospice morphine. Or having to worry if I'm safe while they work. I've raised my children with no familial help. I do not expect them to raise me. Because I know how difficult it is. Let the nurses deal with the difficult aspects of my health care. Let my children live their lives. So even if I become old and confused and wonder why they aren't there, I will leave this earth and my children will be blessed to not have to deal with the burden of my health.
Many white Americans place less emphasis on family and more on career and their own personal wants and needs, we're a very individualistic society. My own mother is another story, we would never dream of putting her in a home unless absolutely necessary, and there are so few cases where that would be absolutely necessary. I figure that my mother has sacrificed so much to raise me that I would never abandon her in her time of need. I'm honestly afraid to have children of my own because I fear they would put me in a home if I wasn't a good enough mother.
Oct 5, '12It is true. I do not want to be a burden of my children neither, but when I turns old, I want to live with them or closeby if we can tolerate each other; but the truth is we rarely can tolerate with each other; if we really live under a ceiling, how we can deal with so much difference between two generations.
Oct 5, '12BlackandYellow,
I've been there and I remember how hard it was during and after. What made it especially hard
was the watching over my shoulder because certain well meaning relatives were watching and
critiquing everything I did and every decision I made.
One of the best bits of advice I was given, was to mentally tell my critics to go to ...., then
Oct 5, '12In our family we have four siblings, each with a different relationship with our mother, and each with different skills. I haven't gotten along with her worth spit since I was 14, and we both know we don't like to be around each other much, but I am the expert on care, care venues, meds, therapy, and the like as a result of my loooong nursing and life care planning background, so I evaluate all that and advise the others on findings-- like, does a fairly normal 85 year old need to be on three antipsychotics? (No) Should she see a geriatrician instead of the GP who gave her all that crap? (Yes) My sister lives on the other side of the continent, but she has a graduate degree in financial management, so she got her long-term care insurance a long time ago and does the insurance and general liquidity work. One brother is an out-of-work engineer, so he's the good boy and does the driving, manages the house repairs and such until it's sold, and so forth. The last brother, I'm not so sure of what he does, but he kisses a** well and his wife is a dear when it comes to smoothing over rough spots.
Every family is different. No rules in this complex culture.
Oct 6, '12I am probably just too close to my father in laws death to think rationally, but I, personally, just feel it would be selfish of me to expect my children to take care of me when I'm aged and dying. The emotional burden was greater than anything else we endured. I've made it clear that I want to go to a hospice house at the end (or Switzerland where assisted suicide is legal lol). They should not be dosing my dying doses of morphine. I want to spare them from all of that.