falling asleep reading my own cover letter.. please help!!!

Home Health Columnist / Guide · Jun 2, 2012

this was a good draft cover letter.

[name/title]
the hospital i want to apply to is ranked within top 25 in the los angeles area.
and it was also recognized by cio magazine as one of the cio 100 award honorees.

:yelclap:

shows you've done your homework about the facility. i would add that immediately after first sentence in second paragraph. what have you learned about this facilities "mission statement" ---would include one line sentence as part of cover letter.

instead of writing " to whom it may concern", look at hospital website career center for the name of nurse recruiter or hr director; if absent, call the hospital main number and ask telephone operator for info-- another win for taking time to find out about facility and properly addressing cover letter.

in reviewing your cover letter, i am puzzled by the type of position you desire. you highlight applying for adult med-cal surgical unit, have a statement about " critical patient care requires a solid foundation in nursing skills" then later state "and become more familiar with the role of the pediatric nurse". these statements conflict each other.

having dealt with hr mixing up applicants for 2 open positions in my unit, i now include the exact position # that person has applied to when sending them my hiring paperwork. so i suggest you list the position # from online application as part of your cover letter.

look at how facility website describes its mission statement and service lines. does it use the word client throughout or patient ? --use the appropriate language in your cover letter.

my suggested editing:

after extensive research, i am applying for the rn position # ______ as i desire to specialize in adult medical-surgical nursing. xyz [hospital] is well known for the excellent quality care provided to its patients as evident by its ranking within top 25 hospitals in the los angeles area and it’s recognition by cio magazine as one of the cio 100 award honorees.

through my education at [university] and completion of bsn degree, i have acquired skills in patient assessment and gained a solid foundation in providing holistic care that focuses on all aspects of a person’s health: emotional, physical, spiritual, and psychosocial. my experience as a student nurse intern gave me the confidence i need to care for patients and the ability to collaborate with other healthcare professionals. i am passionate about nursing and i realize that (critical ? delete) patient care requires a solid foundation in nursing skills and techniques, prioritization of care, and communication skills. these skills, coupled with my compassion, patience, and patient advocacy, are what i offer as a new graduate rn.

my experience as an office assistant at a medical doctor’s office and volunteer experience at [______] has taught me how to plan and organize care, work with people from diverse backgrounds, and learned how to use tact and diplomacy dealing with difficult situations. additionally, i become more familiar with the valuable role of the pediatric nurse at these facilities. due to these experiences, i can readily adapt to new situations and equipment, a valuable trait in this rapidly evolving profession.

i would be honored and excited to be a part of your team and contribute my skills to your hospital staff and patients. my enclosed resume will provide you with further information regarding my related work experiences.

thank you for giving my resume careful consideration. i look forward to hearing from you soon.

check out my advice in this new thread posted yesterday:

2012 tips: perfecting nursing resume, cover letter + online applications.

with this advice, you should be able to polish your own cover letter now, saving :twocents: !

:)

KelRN215, BSN, RN · Jun 2, 2012

i do not think you should start a cover letter with "my name is". it's a business letter, they know what your name is from your heading.

does your university have a career center? they will proofread and help you edit your resume for free. take advantage of those services. i am by no means a cover letter expert but i did just recently change jobs and was granted an interview at almost every job i applied for.

here is my advice:

my name is [name] and i am interested in being employed as a registered nurse for ****************[hospital] specializing in adult medical-surgical unit. i am a graduate from [university] with a bachelor’s of science in nursing, looking to further my professional skills by working for your hospital.

remove "my name is". your first paragraph should basically just tell them what position you are applying for and why they should continue reading.

dear nurse recruiter:

i am writing to apply for the position of staff rn on your medical-surgical unit, as per the listing on your website. i was pleased to learn of this opening and feel that i am an excellent candidate for this position.

after extensive research, i applied for this position at your facility as i wish to contribute and be a part of [hospital] provision of an excellent quality of care for its patients. through my education at [university], i have acquired skills in patient assessment and gained a solid foundation in providing holistic care that focuses on all aspects of a person’s health: emotional, physical, spiritual, and psychosocial. also, my past experience as a student nurse intern has given me the confidence i need to care for patients and the ability to collaborate with other healthcare professionals. i am passionate about nursing and i realize that critical patient care requires a solid foundation in nursing skills and techniques, prioritization of care, and communication skills. these skills, coupled with my compassion, patience, and patient advocacy, are what i offer as a new graduate rn.

your second paragraph should tell them who you are and why you are a good fit for their organization. i don't even know if you're an rn from your cover letter. you say you have a bsn, but have you taken/passed nclex? if not, you should tell them that you anticipate taking it soon.

i would begin the 2nd paragraph by stating "i am a recent graduate of xxx university, where i obtained my bachelor of science in nursing. i anticipate taking nclex on {date}." then i would continue with the skills you obtained at your university and why that makes you a good fit for their hospital. it is a good idea to use the hospital's mission statement or philosophy of nursing in some way here, it shows them you're really interested in their organization.

in addition, my experience as an office assistant at the medical doctor’s office and volunteer experience at the [______] has taught me how to plan and organize care, work with people from diverse backgrounds, and become more familiar with the role of the pediatric nurse. additionally, i can readily adapt to new situations and equipment, a valuable trait in this rapidly evolving profession. i would be honored and excited to be a part of your team and contribute my skills to your hospital staff and patients. my enclosed resume will provide you with further information regarding my related work experiences.

i honestly don't think this hospital will care if you have knowledge of the "role of a pediatric nurse" if you are applying for an adult med-surg position. i could actually see that hurting you, as they may read that and think "this person just wants the requisite med-surg experience and then is going to take off for pediatrics."

thank you for giving my resume careful consideration. i look forward to hearing from you soon.

i always say something like "references will be furnished upon request" in my last paragraph, but that's just me. i do think you want a prospective employer to know that you have references ready to go though, it shows them you are a serious applicant. i also usually say something like, "i look forward to hearing from you soon and can be reached by email or phone at your convenience."

sincerely,

[name]

enclosure