Things Patients Have Taught Me NOT To Do

Nurses Humor

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Never....NEVER...cut a potato in half and use it as a pessary! :eek:

Anybody got anything to add?

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Never throw a baby rattle snake in the front of the pickup to take home with you.

Never drink Pinesol

Never soak towels in bleach then lay them on your legs for hours

Never let a prostitute shoot you and your wife up with Heroin

Never try to get away from a police dog..they are quicker and from what I have seen, have sharp teeth.

Never let your child teeth on balloons

don't ever get loaded and go to bed in the same bed with your other loaded friends and your 2 month old baby.

Never get into a road rage incident and go head to head with someone who has a 357 magnum in their hand.

Never leave your 3 yr old daughter with a convicted child molester that you fell in love with while he was in prison, who you are now supporting

Wow I have learned a lot!! Erin

PS more than I ever really wanted to know..

:o :o :o

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WHOA!! You've learned more than me!!

Never...NEVER..get off the top bunk with an erection, and slip, hitting your manhood on the bed post! 

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OMG I scared my family by bursting out laughing!!

Teresa

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:eek: I can only guess that would hurt..here are a couple more

Never walk in front of your brother when he is practicing his golf swing. (Very sad outcome on that one)

Never beat your 2 yr old child senseless and TRY to tell the ER nurse that he fell off the swingset!!!!

Never try to spit at or bite the ER nurse unless you want a bite block in your mouth and an 18 gauge in the back of your hand..:)

Think that about covers it!!

Erin

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Specializes in ORTHOPAEDICS-CERTIFIED SINCE 89.

Re: the rattler..........Never get out of the pickup and bend over to make sure you killed the rattler you stopped on top of.

Never reach in the pumphouse in the dark to see if that hissing noise is the pump leaking.

Never try apple seeds ....see BB reference above.

Never climb a homemade deerstand while drunk 'cause you don't know nobody who ever fell outta one. (2-3 quads a season at my hospital).

Don't jump off the bridge into the river that was "real high here last year." see quad above

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Hmmmm...I'm torn between jealousy and thankfullness that your patients have taught you more! :chuckle

Never...NEVER...hide your weed in a toothbrush holder and stick it up your orifice and think it's a safe hiding place from the security officers in a prison. It could get stuck!!

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And I thought I was the only one who heard of the potato trick. I stil haven't figured out why a potato. Why not a turnip?

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P RN

Yep the rattler one got me..to add to the story..

After the baby rattler has bitten your friend and he throws it to you, DON'T Try to catch it!

And to EMS:

NEVER bring the baby rattler into the ER in a coffee can alive and open the top allowing the snake to jump out and slither down the hall..while nurses are screaming all over the place...

And of course on the 4th of July...

Never play "catch" with an M80 or use your lips to "hold " the M80 while you are lighting it...UGH, what a mess..:o **

** Work a couple of 4th of Julys in the ER and you too will be in favor of banning fireworks..it is amazing WHERE people will put them**

Again...WOW!! I have learned some valuable lessons..of course most of these things I would have never even considered anyone would do!!! Reality check, I guess!!

Erin

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here are some ob things I have learned:

Never get your Depo-Provera in Mexico.

Never assume you are sterile just because you didn't get pregnant with your last 3 lovers.

Never take your goldfish out of the bowl and play with it on your tummy because it my "accidently" swim up your lady parts.

Never assume that cute little fish tattoo on your abdomen will stay cute when stretched by 9 months of pregnancy.

Never stay with a man you can't get to leave the bar long enough to come to your baby's delivery, even if he makes frequent calls saying he will be there in just a minute.

Never bring your husband and your current boyfriend to the same delivery.

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Specializes in Case Management, Acute Care, Missions.

Oh boy, you have all sure learned a lot - here are some things I have learned....

Never walk on a train track while high on meth...

Always wear safty googles while playing paint ball/or checking out the paintball gun....

Don't jump off a 2 story building to escape from the police because your boyfriend to whom you have a restraining order is visiting for a booty call...

You can get a lot of customers (prostitution) even though you are a pt in the hospital, have 2 t-packs draining copious amts of pus from your chronically infected s/p lami...

Man was not meant to fly...

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Ewwwwwwwww Lori!

Potatoes are odorless, so the patient tells me.

Why not buy your Depo-Provera in Mexico?

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