Subject: WHY ENGLISH IS SO HARD TO LEARN

[baseline]

WHY ENGLISH IS SO HARD TO LEARN

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present

the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door! to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in an eggplant nor ham in hamburger and a pineapple contains

neither apple nor pine.

Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

And if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand usually works

slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor

is it a pig. You ship by truck and send cargo by ship.

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a

wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house

can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out

and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they

are invisible.

And finally, how about when you want to shut down your computer you have to

hit "START"?

[semstr]

how right this is......or how write this is? LOL

[2banurse]

Hi Baseline, this was great...I had to make a photocopy for my stepdad who is always complaining of the toughness of learning english (his native language is German). He should get some enjoyment out of this! I did!

[Flo1216]

Our language is kinda messed up. I am still confused.

[baseline]

Glad you liked it! I got a chuckle when I read it !

[donmurray]

There are plans to improve things...................

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English made easy

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Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC (now officially the European Union, or EU), the European Parliament has commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between Government departments.

European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessary difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.

In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using 's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.

There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written 'f'. This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter in print.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.

We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of 'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'. Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o' kould be dropd from words kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of the uvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.

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[baseline]

:chuckle Good One!

[OBNurseShelley]

LMAO

[sphinx, BSN, RN]

gee, english a difficult language? say it aint so!! (haha)

too true......

however, I have to point out, that I have a mac, and I do not have to hit "start" to shut off my computer. I hit a cute little apple icon! whee!

(uhhh, who cares, Heather???)

[RNIAM, BSN, RN]

That is so funny!