Power Outage During Mammogram

Martha kept her mammogram appointment. She was met with, 'Hi! I'm Belinda!' This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, 'All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown.

Everything clear?

I'm thinking, 'Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science.'

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped her (literally) to the left and said, 'Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'

Fine, she answered. She was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in her legs and neck and finish her off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off!

'Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag.' Belinda headed for the door.

'Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?' Martha shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, 'Oh, you fussy puppy..the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be right back.'

Before she could shout 'NOOOO!' she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found Martha, half- naked and part of her dangling from the Jaws of Life, and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging polite 'Hi, how's it going ' type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to her utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise her hysteria, she replied with as much calmness as possible 'Uh, yes, yes I did thanks.'

'You bet, take care' Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though she's been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, 'Oh I am sooo sorry!' The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?'

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps....