kid humour

  1. A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
    Five minutes later:
    "Da-ad..."
    "What?"
    "I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
    "No. You had your chance. Lights out."
    Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..." "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
    "I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"
    Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..."
    "WHAT??!!"
    "When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"

    ***************************************
    An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
    The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out
    and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says 'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

    **************************************
    One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
    The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A Little voice: "The big sissy."
    **************************************
    A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time.
    The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down theaisle, carrying lighted candles. All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, "Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you..."
    *************************************
    It was that time during the Sunday morning service for "the children's sermon," and all the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said to her, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?"
    The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
    "Yes, and my Mom says it's a b*tch to iron."
    *****************************

    Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground,
    Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Bobby, when I was a child I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Bobby looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
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  2. 9 Comments

  3. by   lLiNAx
    Very cute!! =)
  4. by   JBudd
    True story- I was there!

    The kids all went forward for children's sermon, and sat around the deacon for a story. He opened up with the question, "what do you have to do to get to heaven?" One little boy promptly shouted, "FIRST YOU DIE!"
  5. by   schoolnurse1207
    As a school nurse, I come into contact with many kids. I work in an elementary school grades K-6. I have lost about 30 pounds and decided to put blonde highlights in my hair. One of my students came in for his med, took one look at me and yelled, "You blonded your hair!" Great kid!!:roll
    Last edit by schoolnurse1207 on May 17, '03
  6. by   Jay-Jay
    Too cute!

    A little boy was misbehaving in church. Finally, the father had had enough, and scooping the noisy young offender up in his arms, began to make his way out of the pew. As they were leaving, the youngster said, in a loud voice, "Y'all pray for me, now!"

    I think I read the above in Reader's Digest...not original, but it is true!
  7. by   karenG
    this is true......and had I been the mother my child would have died a swift and painful death!!! maybe!

    I was in a supermarket queue standing behind a mum and her daughter. the child was asking for sweets, the mum was saying 'no!' so the child went on and on- until the mum said- no and dont ask again! the child thought about this and had that cunning look they get........then she said 'if you dont buy me some sweets...........I'll tell Grannie I saw you kissing daddies willie!!!!'
    ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

    I didnt know whether to laugh or cry for the mum!! what a horrible child....... oblviously time to fit locks on the bed room door!!

    Karen
  8. by   CseMgr1
    :chuckle Too Cute! I'm forwarding this to my son and daughter-in-law!
  9. by   debbyed
  10. by   Audreyfay
    Thank you for the laughs. 'Tis slow at work and this helps pass the 2 hours left to work. THANX! :P
  11. by   atownsendrn
    :chuckle :chuckle :chuckle

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