Funny things that pts say

  1. Sometimes sweet innocence can make your whole day......


    I once had a pt who had really bad gas as I was helping her into the tub and she stated to me "no need to turn on the jets today honey, cause I'm self propelled!"

    I once had a pt ask me what time her "autopsy was scheduled for that day", I smiled and said "your BIOPSY will be later today".

    I once had a little old lady ask me if I liked my job because I got to look at naked men all day.... :imbar

    Just the other day I had an 84 year old lady ask me if I knew if her amniocentesis was scheduled for today or tomorrow. What she was asking about was her thoracentesis..
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  2. 153 Comments

  3. by   Kiwi
    Haha! Some patients do say rather funny things. I had an elderly, but friendly gentleman as a pt once. Unfortunately he was in a lot of pain one day, and kept saying "Oh, boy!"

    Well, he said it so much that it turned into a clear "OH, BOING!" by the end of the day!
  4. by   BHolliRNMS
    A coworker of mine has an uncle in the VA hospital. The nurses had to restrain him last nite, because he wouldn't leave his O2 on and his sats were really low. He also kept trying to get up..can't remember he can't walk. When his daughter arrived for a visit this am, he told her in that loud I can't hear anymore voice, "honey, they've tied down everything but my dick!"
  5. by   AussieAIN
    I once had a lady ask where I got a bum like mine from or did I have to order it in special?( I'm a large person and this lady has dementia)
  6. by   jaymee77
    when my 80 year old gram was in LTC for hospice she had all the aides lookin for her mouse tattoo on her buttocks she would bare all and say do you see it?? how bout now see it? (they would say no lois i don't see anythin) she would sayy awwww crap! my ***** must have ate it!

    she was quite the LTC celebrity!
  7. by   confused101
    Quote from jaymee77
    when my 80 year old gram was in LTC for hospice she had all the aides lookin for her mouse tattoo on her buttocks she would bare all and say do you see it?? how bout now see it? (they would say no lois i don't see anythin) she would sayy awwww crap! my ***** must have ate it!

    she was quite the LTC celebrity!

    That was great!
  8. by   cabbage patch rn
    Hi, I'm here for my seduction today (induction)

    My contraptions are 5 minutes apart (contractions)
    It sure felt a lot better going in than it does coming out.
  9. by   luvbug9956
    Quote from jaymee77
    when my 80 year old gram was in LTC for hospice she had all the aides lookin for her mouse tattoo on her buttocks she would bare all and say do you see it?? how bout now see it? (they would say no lois i don't see anythin) she would sayy awwww crap! my ***** must have ate it!

    she was quite the LTC celebrity!

    Gosh I needed that laugh today! Thanks!
  10. by   lilcajunnurse
    Being in nursing for 13 years I have pretty much heard them all. But the one that made me stop and feel pretty stupid was...I had a 97 year old-terminally ill pt and walked into his room for my assessment. I asked him "how do you feel?" Without even a pause, he said "with my hands, what about you" that just made my day
  11. by   BBsAngel
    I once had a pt's daughter ask me to give her Mama a supplasitory. (suppository).

    I had another pt ask me if she was getting tapassium. (potassium)
  12. by   shepler0005
    Well everyone, this is my first post here!

    Two weeks ago I went to see my grandfather that has Alzheimer's Disease at the wonderful assisted facility he lives in. He is in Stage 7 of the disease. He walked up the hallway and promptly placed his had directly over my left breast. He didn't really "feel" it LOL, but just let it rest there. I was laughing and as he walked away from me the nurse asked him what he was doing? He quite loudly replied, "MILKING!"
    Last edit by shepler0005 on Oct 6, '07
  13. by   nrsang97
    I love the patients that ask for their "Latex" instead of lasix.

    Dilauda for Dilaudid.
  14. by   trauma90
    A few years ago I had an eldery female patient who when I was doing my initial assesment listening to her heart sounds Reached up and put her arm around my neck and pulled me down and kissed me on my cheek. An hour later just as I was entering the room she started yelling "he's going to rape me,he's going to rape me". All of my female colleagues loved it.

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