Funny things patients say ! - page 6

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of the femur but she denied any... Read More

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    I am a nurse in LTC on a dementia unit-last week a co-worker and I were comparing the number of messes we got into during the shift...I was telling her about my morning during which I stepped into a pile of poo-and needed a tongue depressor to get it all out of the treads on my shoe.One of our ladies happened to be walking behind me and overheard our conversation-she said" That's why I don't like dogs in the house".....Ps-Sue-When I picture you with your feet on the dashboard I imagine you must be parked
    maelstrom143 likes this.

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    Last edit by adidas99 on Jan 30, '07
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    Nah, I mean when my hubby picks me up from a long shift, the first thing I do is take off my clogs and plop me feets up on the dashboard! Not too many windshields have the "toe marks" that ours does! Hehehe...
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    I was caring for a young woman with a GI ailment. The treatment was NPO, NG and TPN for a few weeks. The physician came in one morning to announce that he was going to have her NG tube removed and, if she tolerated her diet and had no complications he would "DC" her the next day. Imagine my surprise (not to mention the other 3 patients in the ward) when the young woman excitedly phoned her mother to inform her that "if all goes well, I'll be 'decapitated' in the morning!" LOL, needless to say we all had a good chuckle that day, including the woman after she realized her faux pas.
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    In the ED, I walked an elderly patient to the bathroom. It was occupied, and in the two minutes we waited, the patient let loose and peed a river on the floor. She shook her head and said, "It happens every time." Wow.
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    I work at a weight loss clinic that advises a very low carb diet....

    Had a patient who lost 5lbs her first week, but was very concerned that her stools were smaller. She thought her lost fat was represented by the size of her stools, and that if she was losing weight, her poop would be bigger. LOL
    maelstrom143 and carolmaccas66 like this.
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    I had this funny experience when I was in my pediatric clinical rotations in nursing school. We had to do two days at the YMCA to see the developmental differences between healthy kids and sick kids. Well we were assigned the four year olds, and OMG, what an awesome age. Our first day there, first hour, we go to the gymnasium, and some of the kids start playing tag. One of them slips on the floor, knocks her head on a toy, and just passes out...Me and my partner are terrified, the little girl quickly comes to, but we call her parents anyways to bring her to her MD for a checkup. As she leaves, I tell her to be careful, and no more wipe-outs from now on! So the next day, when she comes back, we go to the gym again, and as we're getting ready to leave, she comes up to me, yanks on my hand, and very proudly says 'See, no more wipe-outs!'
    On our second day with this bunch, we had to get in the pool. Me and my partner were in the changing room helping the girls get into their bathing suits, when this other little cutie comes up to me, gets me to lean over, and very loudly whispers 'I think your friend is too big for her bathingsuit, her mommy should get her a new one'. OMG!! Now, this was true, she was a bit chunky, and the bathingsuit was kinda too small. But the look on her face when she heard this girl say so...just...priceless..
    As we are about to leave, the first little girl who wiped-out comes up to me for a hug, and says 'Ill see you tomorrow!' I explain to her that we only had two days with them, and they would get new ppl the next week. She looks at me and very seriously says 'Oh, you'll be back!' So I laugh, think nothing of it, and leave. Well our last week of pediatric clinical, since I had already completed everything for the rotation, my teacher asked if I wanted to return to the YMCA, and I gladly accepted. Keep in mind about 6 weeks have gone by..As I walk into the room, this same little girl walks up to me and with the biggest smile says 'I told you you'd be back!' I thought Id pee myself, really...Those were just amazing kids, cracked me up!
    maelstrom143, besaangel, sharpeimom, and 3 others like this.
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    Sometimes I work back on the Alzheimer unit in the nursing home. One woman usually only mumbles incoherently when you try talking to her. One day the other aide asked her when her birthday was. Clear as a bell, she said "I don't have 'em anymore."

    Then I was trying to get one of the male residents to go to bed. We tried motioning him to the bed but that didn't seem to be working. I sat down on the edge of the bed and patted the space beside myself. He laughed and said "I'm too old for that."

    I was giving a woman a whirlpool bath and as I lowered her into the water, she screamed "I only wanted a face lift!"
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    When questioning a patient about previous illnesses, she said she had the "Smiling Mighty Jesus" when she was younger. It took four nurses to figure out she meant that she had had spinal meningitis.
    Leonca, Equestrian, and LovedRN like this.
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    A pt came in by ambulance after a bicycle accident caused by alcohol intoxication. I thought I was told that he was in a motorcycle accident. Upon arrival, the man was shouting, trying to pull off the c-collar, and free himself from the straps keeping him on the backboard. He was asking where he was over and over again. He was terribly confused. Finally, he asked me, "What happened to me?" I said, "You got in a motorcycle accident." Pt said, "I've never been on a motorcycle in my life!" I told him, "you might have forgotten, you're extremely drunk and you hit your head." The guy was even more confused than ever. A short while later he asked, "So where's my motorcycle?"
    chaparra9037, Leonca, maelstrom143, and 2 others like this.

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