From the mouths of non-nurses

[mattcastens]

My wife, a piano teacher, and I were talking about music and she was using some pretty "technical" terms that I, not a music professional, didn't understand.

She said, "Now you know what it's like for me. You come home and start talking about your pasta and broccoli."

I didn't understand.

"Your pasta and broccoli. You know -- you talking about them all the time!"

I still had no clue.

She sighed. "When you're talking about your heart patients and how they had pasta or broccoli."

Then it dawned on me. I laughed. :chuckle

She meant when I talked about PTCA ("pizza") and CABG ("cabbage"). :roll

[ssouthernyankee]

Lmao--as a fellow Arkansan I'd say wizzing--or takin a leak lol

[ssouthernyankee]

i had an elderly male patient who had high fever, as i was rolling him over i said "you are hot" he smiled winked and said "sweetheart it's been a looong time since anyone has told me that" made my day.

[Alana211]

Yesterday I had to schedule my patient for a colonoscopy. I went in and told her the dr. ordered a colonoscopy for screening purposes. I was trying to explain the procedure to her and she said "He** no, I cant even stand the thought of that. I'm sorry but I will let no dr mess around with my bowels." I had the social worker go in and try to talk to her. She got the same response. I tried to talk with her again and she told me she didn't want to poop in a bag for the rest of her life and I can stop wasting my time telling her about the procedure. I had to do everything I could not to laugh. She thought a colostomy was a colonoscopy. I finally got her consent to schedule the colonoscopy after explaining the difference between the two!!:lol2:

[neonatal_icu_rn]

Our NICU's unit coordinator very appropriately typed in a diagnosis of "imperfect orifice" instead of "imperforate orifice"!:typing

[Canadian_Nurse]

I work in OB, and I can't tell you how many times family members of laboring patients call other family members to give an update on the patient...

"She's x cm and just got her epidermal, now she's comfortable"

This drives me insane!!!

[Natkat, BSN, MSN, RN]

The one that drives me nuts is "O2 stats."

[Cindy_A]

SLIGHTLY MORBID,

I was patroling south of bahgdad when we called to a NG MP squad that had a casualty from an RPG (Rocket Propelled Grenade.) When we arrive the SSG (Staff Seargent) was missing most of his left leg and his left arm was in shreads. We hit him with the morphine and turniquets then got to driving while a medic tried to save his limbs without killing him. We get a Medevac (helicopter) to meet us up the road. As we're loading him the flight doc, a very attractive female we had run into many times, was helping load him into the bird. The PT grabs her by the back of the head and gently pulls her close. She complies figuring hes got a last request or something. Then we hear him say, "I got this problem, It burns when I pee!" We all about died laughing at the clear vioence and self control it took him to try and make us smile in his condition.

Bear, Did the guy survive his injuries?

[suanna]

Even from our unit secretary:

I don't know where to order the can of gas from; would that be Central Service?

I had called out to her to order a STAT K+ and a gas (ABG).

[suanna]

I had a post op CABG patient with low pain tolerance demand more pain medication and "not any of that *** ****place bow stuff". It took a few minutes to figure out he was referring to a placebo.

[suanna]

One from my dear mother-in-law,

She told me she had to see a specialist because her doctor heard a "louie" in her neck. I should have got this right away but since she had recently gotten over pneumonia I was thinking congestion. It was some time later that I figured out he had auscultated a carotid bruit and was sending her to a vascular surgeon.

[TraumaRN1983]

I once had a female patient who had been in an MVC and had to have a trach for several weeks before she could be decannulated. So a few days after the trach was removed, I took a phone call from her boyfriend who was calling to check in on her. He asked how she was doing, and I said she was doing just fine. He then proceeded to say, "Well, I am SO glad she finally has that trigonometry out." It took me a few seconds and I was thinking what on earth is this guy talking about and then it dawns on me and I say, "You mean, her trach?" and he says, "Yes, that's what I just said, her trigonometry is out and she can finally breathe on her own!" My co-workers and I laughed so hard about that one!

[elizabells, BSN, RN]

Our NICU's unit coordinator very appropriately typed in a diagnosis of "imperfect orifice" instead of "imperforate orifice"!:typing

Ours does that too! It always gives me a giggle. That and the creative ways they come up with to spell "Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia". Never the same twice!