From the mouths of non-nurses - page 6

My wife, a piano teacher, and I were talking about music and she was using some pretty "technical" terms that I, not a music professional, didn't understand. She said, "Now you know what it's like... Read More

  1. by   Natkat
    The one that drives me nuts is "O2 stats."
  2. by   Cindy_A
    Quote from bear49709
    SLIGHTLY MORBID,

    I was patroling south of bahgdad when we called to a NG MP squad that had a casualty from an RPG (Rocket Propelled Grenade.) When we arrive the SSG (Staff Seargent) was missing most of his left leg and his left arm was in shreads. We hit him with the morphine and turniquets then got to driving while a medic tried to save his limbs without killing him. We get a Medevac (helicopter) to meet us up the road. As we're loading him the flight doc, a very attractive female we had run into many times, was helping load him into the bird. The PT grabs her by the back of the head and gently pulls her close. She complies figuring hes got a last request or something. Then we hear him say, "I got this problem, It burns when I pee!" We all about died laughing at the clear vioence and self control it took him to try and make us smile in his condition.
    Bear, Did the guy survive his injuries?
  3. by   suanna
    Even from our unit secretary:

    I don't know where to order the can of gas from; would that be Central Service?

    I had called out to her to order a STAT K+ and a gas (ABG).
  4. by   suanna
    I had a post op CABG patient with low pain tolerance demand more pain medication and "not any of that *** ****place bow stuff". It took a few minutes to figure out he was referring to a placebo.
  5. by   suanna
    One from my dear mother-in-law,
    She told me she had to see a specialist because her doctor heard a "louie" in her neck. I should have got this right away but since she had recently gotten over pneumonia I was thinking congestion. It was some time later that I figured out he had auscultated a carotid bruit and was sending her to a vascular surgeon.
  6. by   TraumaRN1983
    I once had a female patient who had been in an MVC and had to have a trach for several weeks before she could be decannulated. So a few days after the trach was removed, I took a phone call from her boyfriend who was calling to check in on her. He asked how she was doing, and I said she was doing just fine. He then proceeded to say, "Well, I am SO glad she finally has that trigonometry out." It took me a few seconds and I was thinking what on earth is this guy talking about and then it dawns on me and I say, "You mean, her trach?" and he says, "Yes, that's what I just said, her trigonometry is out and she can finally breathe on her own!" My co-workers and I laughed so hard about that one!
  7. by   elizabells
    Quote from neonatal_icu_rn
    Our NICU's unit coordinator very appropriately typed in a diagnosis of "imperfect anus" instead of "imperforate anus"!:typing
    Ours does that too! It always gives me a giggle. That and the creative ways they come up with to spell "Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia". Never the same twice!
  8. by   norcalidiot
    while on active duty my husband had a rather hard landing from a parachute jump and caused some internal swelling. the person in charge on the ground sent him to the tmc (troop medical clinic) where they told him he had an enlarged prostate probably due to the jump but wanted to do some testing just to make sure that it was nothing else. the pa tells my husband that one of the tests they will do will be to check for prostate cancer. he calls mom and says that he had a bad jump and has some internal bruising. she wants to know what he means and he uses his prostate as an example because that is what the pa talked about most to him. she then goes on to say that he has nothing to worry about because her prostate has never given her problems.
  9. by   banditrn
    Quote from Cindy_A
    Bear, Did the guy survive his injuries?
    God, I hope so! to a guy like that!
  10. by   EricJRN
    After the ER doc had spoken with the family of a little boy with an elbow dislocation the other day, I overheard Grandma ask Mom how the boy could have gotten "nurses aide's elbow."
  11. by   JBudd
    Not nursing, but when I was in college, an international student had gotten lost. Fellows at the bus station had approached her, and she very indignantly told me they had called her "animals!". Asked what she meant, said they called her a "wolfy rooster!'. Umm, foxy chick is supposed to be a complement
  12. by   CruisingRN
    when my hubby and i had first gotten together, about 6 years ago i noticed on the very first night that he 'slept over' wink, wink... that he had a horrible case of sleep apnea.
    so, of course i make him go through all of the testing, getting the machine and all, and of course seeing an ent.

    well, one day he had an appt with his pcp who asked how the consult with the ent had gone, since he hadn't gotten the report yet...

    without hesitation, my husband to be apparently replies:

    it went ok, he told me i might have to have my tonsils out, or maybe they could just shave my vulva.

    he said the doctor just looked at him like he wanted to burst out laughing, with kind of a perplexed / hysterical look.
    i think my husband realized he said something wrong, but didn't quite remember exactly what he had said.

    when he got home and told me what he said, i almost died! i laughed so hard and so long i must have peed my pants... omg it was hilarious... still makes me laugh to this day!

    and, i of course had to share it with his and my family... although i think it was a few years later when i knew them a little more intimately!

    have a good laugh on my dear hubby! :chuckle
  13. by   curlilockz
    My dad was having a heart cath to find out why he was having problems with high blood pressure. He was really confused, and asked me when we got home,

    "Why in the world do they need to look at my heart? It's my blood pressure that's the problem."

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