Nurses Humor
Published Nov 13, 2000
Very Ex-RN
3 Posts
MATH QUIZ FOR EMERGENCY DEPARTMENT STAFF
1. You are assisting a primary nurse with charcoal administration
down an orogastric tube. The room measures eight feet by twelve
feet. The patient starts to retch before the tube is pulled. Knowing
that charcoal can spew out of a tube in a five foot radius (even with
a thumb over the opening) and the stretcher is two feet wide, how many
feet per second do you have to back up to get less charcoal on you
than the primary nurse?
2. Doctor A picks up a chart out of the rack. S/he finds that it is
a repeat patient with abdominal pain. Doctor A puts the chart back.
Doctor B picks up the chart five minutes later and also returns it
to the rack. Doctor A leaves the nurses' station heading south at
three miles per hour. Doctor B leaves the nurses station for the
doctors' lounge at five miles per hour. How long before the patient
is at equal distance from Doctor A and Doctor B?
3. You were assigned two large treatment rooms and the gynecologic
room. By the end of the day you have cared for ten patients. Four
patients were female over the age of 80, all complaining of weakness.
Two patients were male, ages 72 and 50. The last four were female,
between the ages of 24 and 40, all complaining of abdominal pain.
It is 3:00 p.m. and time to restock the rooms. How many bedpans
will you need?
4. You are the primary nurse for an elderly patient with
congestive heart failure. The IV stick was exceptionally
difficult, but you are able to start an 18 gauge catheter
on the second attempt. You leave the room to check on another
patient. A relative thinks that the IV has stopped dripping
and opens the clamp. How much IV fluid will infuse before
you return?
5. You are sent for your morning coffee break. You need to
use the restroom but can't find one unoccupied and have to
walk down to the lobby. The coffee pot is dry and you have
to make more. When you get to the cafeteria, the line extends
ten feet into the hallway. You can't remember exactly when
your break began. How much time do you have left?
6. You are the primary nurse taking care of a particularly
shy female in the gynecology room. Her private physician
arrives to see her, but you can see that he is not in a
particularly good mood. After much coaxing, the patient
agrees to a pelvic exam. How many people will open the
door during the exam?
7. An elderly man arrives in the Emergency Department by
rescue squad. Twenty minutes later his wife arrives and
registers him. She is shown the entrance to the department
and slowly shuffles in. How many rooms will she walk into
before she finds him?
8. You are assigned to the EENT room. You have a patient to
be checked for a peritonsillar abscess. The ENT physician has
been paged and expects to arrive in 45 minutes. Three hours
later, he arrives and is at the patient's side, asking for
a flashlight. Lightly jogging at 22 miles per hour, how many
rooms will you have to search before you find one?
9. You have been asked to cover a coworker's rooms during her
break. One of her patients is an elderly, confused male with
an enlarged prostate. A catheter has been inserted and his
physician is coming to see him. Somehow he manages to get
off the stretcher. The drainage bag is firmly hooked to the
side rail. Knowing that the catheter is 16 inches long and
the drainage tubing is three feet long, will he be able to
reach the door before pulling out the catheter?
nurse020302
18 Posts
Sad, but so true
JeanettePNP, MSN, RN, NP
1 Article; 1,863 Posts
bump
troutfishinEMT
48 Posts
How did this go so long without more comments? Hilarious, and very true.
I especially like the charcoal equation.
truern
2,016 Posts
Thanks!! I sent this to my last clinical instructor who works in the ED...she'll love it :)
Antikigirl, ASN, RN
2,595 Posts
LOL!!!!!!!
Answers:
1. Doesn't matter as long as someone is in front of you or you duck well!
2. If they don't stop in the room..who cares I mean...it means the Pt probably saw them and will be ringing you in soon to ask why they are not being treated!
3. You mean pts wait for bedpans? I just keep a change of linen in rooms! LOL! And if they don't use their urinals they make good flower arrangements for the people that don't understand that flowers aren't allowed!
4. Who cares! Stop flow, assess with a dirty look to upset the family members...maybe something about "you just about killed them!"...run to MD or charge nurse so blame is on pt family...got to CYA ya know! If time allows, help pt...LOL!
5. My time does not start till coffee is in my hand!!!!!! PERIOD!
6. Three...an intern that "just wants to see this" a janitor that needs to change the lightbulbs, and the housekeeping taking out the trash! All of which give as much advice and info as the MD!
7. None, she will be standing at the nursing desk waiting for someone to notice her and ask her what she needs. Approx time....1-2 hours!
8. If you know your stuff...you will search one and say "there are none", or if you are like me...I have a small flashlight with me to save time...of course the batteries will be dead!
9. Assume it is out...they are quicker than you think! Not to mention the tug factor when they notice they have something in their 'john thomas'....baby..that thing is out! Prep for new one...
LOL!!!!!!!!!!
Roy Fokker, BSN, RN
1 Article; 2,011 Posts
This awesome little ditty surely deserves the light of day.
Thank you, Very Ex-RN.
cheers,
hikernurse
1,302 Posts
Now why doesn't the NCLEX focus on these types of real nursing questions...
1960Spinner
17 Posts
That would make it too easy!