10 things you say at work lay people could get arrested for

To my co-workers,"Another one bites the dust..." Gallows humor, I guess.

Said by my preceptor when I was learning to give a suppository to an infant:

Now, just gently push your pinky finger one knuckle deep into his rectum...

I'd like to intubate her with my laryngoscope of love....

I look very asian, but I'm hispanic, so working in a family care clinic for a chinese doctor he taught me what to say as a curtesy to his patients.
I would walk in, paper garments in hand and say (in mandarin):

"I don't speak chinese, please get naked"

'undressed' was completely unpronouncable!

Sir you'e going to have to poop into this hat until the pin comes out and please save it for me, I have to sift you stool! ( another fond County General Hospital memory.)

you can't tense up if you're blowing

I work in Plastics where we do a lot of rescontruction post mastectomy. I have a box of sample implants in my desk drawer. I get a kick out of being able to say "let me show you my breasts" and won't get fired for it.

Something i heard from behind the curtain.......... Come on 'Fred' get your leg over........... (nurse was rolling patient to wash his back)

Just relax, it's over quicker that way.

Don't bite, just suck.

Now, doesn't that feel goood?

Okkkk, can't go on. oooonly on page 2. Ffffive more pppages to go. Cccan't brrreath too ffffunny. I could actually die here from laughing.