Other nurse moms how am i going to do this? My heart hurts!

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    Hi everyone hope all is well your way. Let me start by saying I have been a stay at home mom almost three years. I got my first RN job Sept 2012 just prn at a nursing home ( its hard for me to get a job since I graduated in 2010) anyways, I hardly work. I love being at home with my daughter! shes my world my happiness my life! well my family budget got to the point I have to get a job. Im still prn at nursing home but they never call me just like once a month or so and that's obviously not enough. My dream job is OB ( my own labor experience gave me that passion. the way the nurses took care of me and my daughter just inspired me and I have that deep passion for it in my heart, but I cant get it without experience.) so, I was offered a ER position and heart breaker here its FULL TIME. I would prefer part time taking baby steps being away from my princess. but its fulltime nights so 3 a week. its self schedule im going to try my hardest to do just weekends I think that will bring me some comfort. and that works best for my family. but bottom line I have been so sad lately..i dont know how im going to leave or do this. this is obviously my first fulltime job so im scared but I do need the experience if im going to get my PRN dream job. lol and I know with this job market I should be greatful ive been given this opportunity for this job. im trying to be positive its only 3 nights ill still make time to see her have dinner before work etc... im trying to think this is temporary until I can transfer into my dream job here in my town ( same company). where I will work is 30 min away not to bad the er manager is actually married to the manager in ob here in my town. the er manager knows ob is my dream job so I think he was trying to help me get my foot in the door. I dont know. I need to be thankful but I just keep crying around because this is hard on me going from 3 yrs. stay at home mom to full time 12's nights. any advice opinions words of encouragement please it would be much appreciated and thank you!
    TheCommuter likes this.

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  2. 22 Comments...

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  4. 12
    I know your little one is the center of your world, just be cautious of only working weekends and never getting time to spend with your husband and with both your husband and your daughter together. You may need to get child care 2 days a week. But make your husband a priority too, not going to do you or your daughter much good if the relationship with your husband isn't given some priority.
    HouTx, kmwk, wannabecnl, and 9 others like this.
  5. 4
    Nursing is a female dominated profession, and it is full of mothers, so you have plenty of company.
    Try to focus on what you will gain. Work full-time for a year and you will gain skills, confidence, good money to support your family(especially if you have weekend and night shift differentials) and a kind of social currency our society gives to people who work in interesting jobs.
    If your dream job is in OB, you are now in a better position to make connections to get you there.
    nrsang97, ktwlpn, Not_A_Hat_Person, and 1 other like this.
  6. 4
    I feel your pain. I was a SAHM for 12 yrs before I started working full time as an RN. Two yrs prior were spent in nursing school, but I was still present for all the "big things." My kids are all in school, but I still have some guilt about not being there for everything. What makes me feel better is knowing that what I am doing is worthwhile and I am making some sort of positive contribution. Also, I really like getting an identity other than "Mom." Try to look at the upside to your situation: experience, money, adult relationships. You need acute care experience before you do prn safely so maybe give yourself a timeline to make it less permanent in your mind.

    And when your home with your kid, love the snot right outta her! Good luck to you!
    nurse_van2014, nrsang97, jtm11, and 1 other like this.
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    I did the weekend thing and it was rough. Never being able to go to family functions or enjoy time off and spend with friends who only work M-F 9-5. I work nights now and work at least 2 in a row then a few days off and one on. Some would rather do their three in a row. It all depends on how you do with nights. I have done 3 in a row and working Sunday, Monday, and Friday nights. It worked out better for child care for me that way.
    jtm11 likes this.
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    If this is your first RN job in the hospital then it's unlikely that they'll let you do weekends only at first, as you lack the critical thinking skills necessary for the job. Traumas are most likely to occur on off-shifts, so it can be difficult for a preceptor to focus on a critically ill or injured patient while trying to teach you at the same time. My employer requires you to work for a full year before becoming eligible for the weekend program, you need to develop those critical thinking skills and be able to work with little to no supervision.
    jtm11 and OCNRN63 like this.
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    I have to agree with ashes172. Being an RN is a stressful job and you want to make sure you make time for your marriage (alone time and family time). It will be hard at first working nights, it was for me, but I loved the freedom it gave me to go to any and all functions with my kids/husband and I would schedule my sleep around those. I agree with your statement about dinner time together, its great you will still have that!

    I think three 12 hr shifts in a row for now would probably be too much, remember you are asking your body to completely redo its sleep/wake cycle on top of learning a lot of new stuff. ER is a whole different world, especially at night... I'd stick with two on then 1 more later in the week. It's not worth being miserable or worse, being so tired you make a mistake. Good luck to you! I don't miss nights
    nrsang97 and jtm11 like this.
  10. 3
    I feel your pain.
    Being a stay at home mom is not easy but it is such a valuable thing to your children!
    The lack of sleep (because even though the kids are napping doesn't mean you get to!) and hard work of maintaining a household (because that is your job while your spouse brings home the bacon) is stressful, but soooo worth it so that you can be at home with the kids-- teaching them, leading by example and nurturing them.
    But when times get rough, you do what you gotta do.
    I was still a CNA at the time, so my situation was a bit different, but I was able to avoid long hours and holidays by working for myself, setting my own price and hours as a personal caregiver to clients who were in nursing homes, but needed extra attention.
    Question: does your job have to be in a hospital?
    Maybe you have other options you haven't considered?
    What about school nursing?
    Can striving for your dream job wait a bit?
    I don't really have the best advice, but I wish you luck in balancing work and being a mother.
    It gets better when the kids are older...
    You already set a solid foundation in their upbringing and they understand why you have to work.
    I'm sure you'll work it out.
    vintagemother, VickyRN, and jtm11 like this.
  11. 8
    Oh honey....I know your pain...when my kids were little I worked nights.....they never knew Mommy left the house and came home. They knew I was a nurse but it never made real sense to them because I was always there for them. Take the job...you also need to let your daughter see that you can be a Mommy AND have a fulfilling career. Weekends are good but I will tell you 3 12 hour shifts in a row are TOUGH...you eat and sleep period. I liked to break them up I would work Sunday, Wednesday, Friday or Monday, Thursday, Saturday. Your hubby will HAVE to be on board and understand that he will have to pitch in. Now that they are teenagers.....I still worked nights becasue leaving 2 teens home with a pool and friends is a recipe for disaster....get in the door get your feet wet.

    Good Luck!
    josho, vintagemother, VickyRN, and 5 others like this.


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