I want to quit

[anonrn1]

I have been a RN for about 5yrs now. I haven't worked for the last 1.5yrs as I've been in an intense graduate school program for advanced practice. I feel like I am having a (early) midlife crisis. I no longer feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be or doing what I should be doing. I have been working hard to get to where I am, but I also feel like I've had such tunnel vision and have always done what was expected and what was best (as opposed to focusing on what I actually enjoy doing and making a career out of that). Looking to the future fills me with dread. I am definitely reconsidering the graduate school choice, but also unsure whether to choose a different aspect of nursing or just completely start over. If time and money were no object, I would honestly choose something else entirely.

That however is only the tip of the iceberg. I have been sick for almost 2 months now. Not just cough, colds, flus but SICK. I am still being poked and prodded and medicated and sent to various specialists, but at this point they are still not sure what is wrong. I have had countless Dr appts and lab draws, and have had a few sick days since the time I have been sick. I have had very little energy and motivation, which has come across in my work as well. There have been comments that it seems like I've lost my drive and passion. Part of this is being sick, and part of this is true. I feel a little lost. My program faculty members are growing impatient with me and are starting to crack down. I was given the choice of either promising to stop being sick and shape up, or take a quarter off on medical leave. With still being sick and undiagnosed, I felt like I didn't have much choice but to take the medical leave. This has now extended my graduation even more (so I'm now a year away from being done). The other problem is that they feel I have been slacking off (which has been somewhat true but more so from being sick), so they have various new rules that I will be held to when I return. I feel that the rules they are setting forth are essentially setting me up to fail. In some ways, they are fair. But on the other hand, it is essentially don't EVER do anything wrong EVER again or you'll be dismissed. It feels like they are now looking for any way to dismiss me.

I know I am rambling and I apologize for that, but there are many factors to include and my thoughts are somewhat scattered. It essentially comes down to the fact that I don't want to be doing this anymore. I honestly don't know if it is even worth it to continue. BUT I have been out of work for awhile while in school and I have a LARGE student loan. Quitting is not a decision I take lightly. I also feel that I am almost being set up to fail, in which case maybe it is better to just cut my losses now as opposed to getting farther in debt, farther down the road, and with the black mark of being dismissed.

I need some unbiased advice!

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

Aren't you on break from school for the summer or is it ongoing? I agree to take time off for your medical/psychological needs. Then to decide if and when to finish school, but you should consider how much time remains, how much student loan debt you currently have, what you will be able to make to pay the loans off if you stop now vs what you will make if you finish your schooling and get your NP if that is what you are going for. Have you been doing ok with school? How about clinicals?

Becoming a vet may be a dream but it is very difficult and the pay is not that much for the amount of student loans one needs, plus you already must have a lot of student loans from this career path you've taken. Being a vet tech is a low paid job, maybe $15/hr. Why can't you do this on the side such as have pets and volunteer at an animal or wildlife clinic. What you decide to do has to be ok for you to pay the student loans back and be ok for your family. There is no walking away from student loans and if you ignore them and let them default they can even double and triple in size due to all the fees and you will find your family (you and spouse) tax returns garnished, your wages garnished. You need to have a plan for paying off the student loans whatever you decide to do. Student loans are becoming more like a life long 30 year plus mortgage if you're lucky and this with no house to show for it. If money were not an issue and student loans weren't involved I would say follow your heart, but this is the worst debt out there!

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

Hey - we've got your back. I completely understand how you're feeling. BTDT. I was coping with doctoral education, working full time & caring for a succession of terminally ill family members .... for 4 years - before I hit the wall. I was physically exhausted, continuously ill with one thing or another & found it difficult to even get out of bed. I struggled through it by cutting back on school & withdrawing from any non-essential social activities.

But hindsight is wonderful right? After the fact, a Psych NP friend pointed out to me that I was obviously depressed and should have sought treatment at the time. Yup - it's obvious to me now. But, like most nurses, I thought I could just tough it out.

Just sayin' . . .

[anonrn1]

Again, I am appreciative of all of the responses and input. I finally got a medical diagnosis this past week so hopefully I will start feeling physically better in the next few weeks. That being said, I am definitely not ruling out the possibility of depression also. It is pretty easy to be depressed when you are under this much stress (physically, emotionally, and mentally) all the time.

I have decided to investigate and potentially pursue other interests, but am not going to quit until I have something lined up. I certainly do not want to quit without some sort of plan. I am still concerned about the LARGE student loans, but at the same time life is too short to be this miserable all the time. I really need something that I am going to get more joy and satisfaction from, and this is just not it.

So next question - what is a good way to approach this with potential future employers? I am wanting to update my resume and cover letter, but am a little unsure of how to go about it given the circumstances. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

[DatMurse]

Maybe you just need to take a break. Is it possible to take a semester off?

this.

take a vacation OP

[lauraaristo]

You're probably just depressed and stressed out. All those symptoms fit. That's why they're not finding anything, no doubt.

With what you explain about your life, it's no surprise! I have been there myself.

Stop living for others and do what you want to do. Enjoy the rest of your life! Best wishes to you!